WK2 : Mr.J(1-0) vs. Vulgar(1-0) -- Vulgar 6-0

[timeless]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=96884)

Goodluck Mr. J Vulgar

Topic - "Graffiti is beautiful; like a brick in the face of a cop."

[Mr. J]

I map out every aspect & detail down to the shadows & scars
putting my every judgement on this piece breaking gavels apart...
scramble in dark, encased by the necessary evils ample in heart
tragedy & happiness stirred into the pot, this is the gamble of art
a coin with both sides visible in one glance, stylized in bold text
my ode blessed, guaranteed the future was bright for old heads
I blend age into beauty's skin, bring tears to eyes of fallen men
darken the eyes showing where she's been, give fruit & call it sin
abolish them, I make her hair white, glistenin' with the God within
down to the arthritis in her hands and the skin lightly covering her
in other words...once beauty is found can it ever be lost?
from Mother Earth, to the skies as blue as her eyes, never have I thought...
whether or not life was an example of what you could represent
or to encode your ideals into a picture whose message you never meant...
you never writ, leave it to the weak minded to look on blinded
to look on crisis in a point of view that's clearly been divided
from old age to youth, from the heart that won't break or bruise
when faced with adversity in times which today should enrage the troops
arrange a group...cause this pain to make them go to the range & shoot
from the ash that coated her fingers to the scars that marked her cheek
a phobia of silent visitors in the middle of the night made it hard to sleep
hard to breathe, she coughed & wheezed over smoke non-existent
she'd throw fits, so her knuckles bled whenever it got persistent...
with a head held high, a fist held tight & never undergone assistance
non-descriptive, but under the right eye the picture is well painted
the message alone should be held sacred, hold merit & swell praises
I mean really "swell" praises, even with the mask on I can smell greatness
I put a certain glee into her grin as I add a little character to the face
take a step or two back, & at this distance I can really stare & debate
slowly bringing out the happiness felt as I become aware of the state...
aware of the country & our barren debates underneath stairway escapes
how nothing is done when threatened to the point nerves tear & they break
nah, it's sheltered away, another story for another day, beware of today...
drawing our oppressor from day one into the position we were cradled in
putting inspiration behind actions as she had become the well known fatalist
her arm swung back grasping onto a bloodied weapon in the shape of a rock
I etched in my final words with a certain charisma & confidence embracing my thoughts
& as I stepped away from my canvas the words read "Graffiti is Beautiful; like a brick in the face of a cop"

[Vulgar]

A Monument of A Man, Remembered

Tattered orange leaves littered the gravestone’s connected curves
“Here lies Officer Robinson Maslow, he died in the name of Protect & Serve”
Every second blurred when reminiscing what happened that night
Once he got wind of the bank robbery, he didn’t expect a shotgun blast to his pipe
He died in the line of duty, so some petty criminals could cash in a heist
Bayonets high, columns of halogen lights honoring a casket with stripes
Of red, white and blue; colorful symbols for greater pastures despite
Death… indeed, there are too many snakes in the grass…and basilisks bite
I’ve had it with psych examinations and words of consolation? No better
Robinson was my partner, my main man, we were both incarcerated together
Back when we were teenagers we got hit for graffiti charges
We tagged so many trains, eventually we didn't proceed with caution
Acrylic cans in hand, we always had a plan, saw eye to eye regardless
Years later, we got into law enforcement, joined the SWAT department
And slowly started encountering people who believed all cops were corpses
I remember those high speed chases we’d watch during helicopter courses
His wife is gorgeous… his kids are too, both sly with the paintbrush
Maybe some day I’ll teach them how to streak red on the side of the A-bus
Probably not, after all, I’m a badge wearer myself. I’ll have to compromise
but in the name of preserving his memory, I won't care if I’m ostracized
I gathered all the old spray cans I could find in the basement
Bought a hundred or so bricks, some cement and an electric saw to shave it
The first thought that crossed my mind was that I didn’t want the head of Zeus
because Robinson was more human than that; his expression had to capture youth
I envisioned a brick mural about the size of Stonehenge’s block
Designed with signature tags in lime green & patterns of chalk
like the fabric on a paladin’s frock and emerald chunks of adamant rock
Robinson looked similar to a young Lennox Lewis, average yet taut
It was to be a monument for sacrifice - vogue yet powerful
The artistic commemoration of a man who was most invaluable
The vandal you’ve always been at heart will be eternalized
Then maybe my head will be next to lie beside yours when it’s my turn to die
Robinson’s partner inserted the last brick into the completed mural
Filling a space in his friend’s forehead - added streaks of deep brown & purple
One brick is all it takes. He reflected on life and its purposes
“Graffiti is beautiful…“ he said, as he stepped back & admired his workmanship

[timeless]

Botw for sure. Really enjoyed reading both verses and its rare that I say that. I was anticipating this match due to the topic mostly, and def wasnt let down. I feel the only difference from a voters standpoint would be vulgars higher grasp on vocab. Im gonna keep it short though after another read of each, I just enjoyed vulgars more, his story was one of the best ive read on here in awhile.

Vulgar got it

[NYCSPITZ]

Surprised by how good mr j came

Vulgar outclassed him in plot complexity and vocab tho

V vulgar

[Pinot Grij]

J - It seems like you bit off more than you could chew with this one, I don't know if it was a case of over-writing for tough opponent - but your prose was far too rigid and difficult to gain entry to. Without being able to penetrate your prose to feel any real connection to your characters or plot, I found myself bored and unable to scratch the surface of this piece.

Vulgar, one killer flaw in this piece is that I'm basically 100% sure that they don't let you become a cop if you've been previously incarcerated. My other qualm is the "basilisks bite" line - you're better than that, my dude. Otherwise, I thought the story was pretty cool... I dug this dude's obsession with immortalizing his best friend. Story ran smoothly and, for me, easily edged Mr. J's verse this time around.

Vote - Vulgar

[Adonis]

Quote made me laugh though

Jay - This verse was done well. Fine writing, truly. At first I thought you literally were god creating a work of art in female form, which would have been just a crazy concept. Then you mentioned god by name, so that crushed that theory. I shortly realized exactly where you were going with this. One thing I didn't like is you mentioned giving her dark eyes to show the pain, then mentioned blue eyes as the ocean. Doesn't matter, the verse start to end was very strong writing with intense images and descriptions that I thoroughly enjoyed....All the way down to when you incorporated the topic. I hated that, it felt effortless, like you wrote a verse and paid close attention to detail, then realized it didn't fit topic 199% so you added the final bar. All in all, very solid verse, would be perfect if not for the two errors I listed.


Vulgar - The way you incorporated the topic was simply majestic bro. You didn't use the full quote because Maslow's partner was placing the his forehead brick there. Description galore, you said "about the size of Stonehenge’s block".... This here gave me a precise measurement to how large the brick mural is. You did the same by mentioning Lenox although I'll admit, I don't picture the great Lewis when I see the name Robinson Maslow, more like Ben stein. Anyways, this verse was virtually seamless, it moved along with consistent pace and fluidity. I can't think of a single thing that i disliked, at first it was the spelling of Leaves, because I always thought it was leafs, but turns out I was wrong.


This is a top notch battle, you both honestly deserve a win here considering some of the other verses I've read. As close a battle as I've read in while, both very enjoyable reads.


Voting Vulgar


Slight edge in having strong execution regarding mechanics. Yes, it was that close

[UnbornBuddha]

Hello,
First of all, I was fond of Mr. J's writing. The point of view of the artist depicting the theme in the mural was an imaginative way to tell as story. Not because it was 1st person, but rather because one could feel the surrealism as the street artist did the canvass, and every so often taking a step back to admire and analyze it. It is almost like one was in the moment as the artist took a few feet back to eye the portraiture. I thought the verse was well rounded.

Vulgar, on the other hand captivated the piece in a more straightforward manner. At first retelling the story of a fallen cop, and the details of his demise. Then he suddenly shifted gears, and decided to use his childhood friend, who was also an officer, to recount a type of eulogy, or more like memoir for his fallen friend. Reminiscing on all the good times with him as they did graffiti; wanting to continue his legacy by doing one last go round to honor the memory of his friend. It was also very well polished, with a crispness to it. However, it was a bit dull with no real climax to it, although obviously there was tragedy to the story since its basically a tale of honoring the death. The difference between tragedy ans climax, the rising and fall of a story are dissimilar at times. One being an elemental segment of emotional crises not necessarily for plot development. While the climax, though usually a suspenseful factor or plot twist, but not always has a direct effect on interacting with the reader, as well as an unraveling of a plot's central theme in ways that portray various angles of the narrative, its highs and lows.

Anyways my vote is for Vulgar for a more polished read.

Thank you.

[asylum]

Mr j - love how u worded a lot of this piece. Definitely had some good cadence going
.i wasnt sure what was going on until about halfway through, and tbh, i wasnt tripen. Good piece.. voupdve taken this easily with some more plot development.

/v Vulgar- i feel like his plot progression and approach were on lock. Also was very creative. Didnt se much room for constructive criticism. More well rounded piece won.