Wk2 : Muzzle(1-0) vs. Witty(0-0) -- Witty flawless 6-0

[timeless]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=96884)

Goodluck @thamuzzl3 Witty Wonka

Topic - "Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex."

[theMuzzl3]

fuckit... couldn't wait to post. Coulda went through and edited, but I don't think its going to hit the nail on the head and get me a win anyway. Here it goes:


---------THIS MOTHA FUCKA FUCKS JUST TO FUCK, AND GETS STUCK---------
Thirsty for some, a man strolls down Fremont and makes a left on 4th street.
Homegirl straight up eyes him, hits him up; and they end up in her motel room.
From the minute he walked in, he had no idea that fate had deemed him doom.
The lonely dude didn't even have a condom, but she was a professional.
Took care of him really nicely, and homey paid her pricey fee in cash dollars.
After learning he had caught crabs, he desires going to get more action.
He decides that only a fraction of his needs were met with satisfaction.
That woman that lured him into the crab shack: he still ignorantly adores...
he goes back to score more ass crack; but as approaching the same whore,
some senior offers more for her time. Debate never came: he pulls out his nine(mm).
Homie grips his handgun sideways and points it into the geriatrics direction;
only to get shot in the side of the head by her pimp, as an act of protection.
__________________________________________________ ______________

---------THIS MOTHA FUCKA FALLS IN LOVE AND NEVA GETS NONE---------
Two birds fall in love, they flirt and play; and eventually, they fuck.
She's soon pregnant after the love-making and they feel so happily in luck.
They get married, which sucks because years go by... and they still love each other;
but loving one another without love-making, as if their love turned them into brothers.
Sexless, they live their lives together, swearing to have each others' backs.
Promising, no matter what, that they'll fill and mend each others' cracks.
Then comes the sad part, each of them have sexual desires unmet.
So, the game goes on, flirting on the net; catching each other, upset:
the couple stays together, but strays in many different ways.
Then the cheating begins, and thats when the darkest days
are soon to come. Separation, divorce, hatred, and a small child:
that has nothing to do, but be man of the house and become vividly wild.

[Witty]

Bleh..

We spoke for days, both lost in a hopeless place
Poker faced, scared to give away our emotions, chaste
Broken wastes, until pain gave way to a soul's embrace
All we had was some keys, a headset, and a screen
A dream that one day we'd hold hands, setting the scene
Of our romance, giving in to imagination's slow dance
Speaking of wedding's, the setting pristine, but there's no chance
She's half the world away, and as I stare inside her beautiful eyes
I know these dutiful lies, will only serve to trap the girl in pain
It's not responsible to continue down this road
But I feel her attached to every sinew
If she's taken off the menu I'll implode
This is deep love, the one they speak of in movies and books
And every time she shoots me a look, I become a loony, I'm shook
Scared to walk away, to never speak to her again
She loves me too, so I live a lie instead of seeing her in pain

*3 years later*

Fully brainwashed, totally devoted, yet I'm hurting but I'm numb
No sex for years, blocking out the urges as they come
I bluff I don't care, pretending I just need the love we both share
Though it's getting rather tough to ignore the blood that flows there
Fuck it, don't care, I have something so rare, a sight to behold
An amazing grace, her soul a blazing place I sit beside when it's cold
But a man is just a man, and he has his needs
Passion pleads, swept away by her tide and I'm lost in the crashing seas
I need to meet her, so I beg her to set a date
I'll come to her, but she says she would rather wait
Now I wrestle with my brain and the gathered hate
Resentment grows, now I feel so neglected, cold
But refusing to unveil the reflection of my frail and infected soul
I keep saying I love her, and she's the girl of my dreams
Withholding murderous screams, as my sanity unfurls at the seams
The closer I get to true love, the further it seems
I'm being driven astray, my mind is livid, decayed
If she really loved me she wouldn't have me living this way
All I feel is hate now, the passion I had concealed in rain clouds
The pain shouts, as I feel the strain build and I change routes
Adrenaline flows, I feel it in my head and then toes
My medicine is hellish sin, until my manhood is replenished and grows
Stalking the streets at night, lost in the heat of fright
Desire and lust, I feel my passion heighten and thrust
'No point fighting it just give in and find your peace, delight'
Unleash the beast inside, I feel so excited, the rush
The blood pumping, I pick my target and approach slowly
Making absolutely sure this hoe is on her own, lonely
I throw her to the ground, my knife thrust against her spine
As lust descends I fuck her and it's nothing other than divine
She's crumbled and she's crying, I smile as the rage lifts
The haze shifts, I'm feeling a little bit unholy but I'm free
As I get home, put my headset on, and tell my lady
"Baby, you're the only one for me"

[Listen]

Muzzle:

Honestly? I was digging your concept. I was was so into the tone and the aggressive nature of your writing... I felt it. Truth be told, it was not as well written as Witty, and you left some opportunities on the table, BUT the biggest disappointment came in how YOU DIDNT tie in both stories!

I was sooooo interested in reading the second part because I SWORE the man killed by the pimp was the husband of the wife in the second part. Major let down.

Witty:

You suffered from middle part snooze... The beginning was good and the ending was RAW! However, the middle? Made me want to get to the end quicker. I really dug the ending and that raw style and just no holding back emotion with well worded concepts.

With that said...

v/Witty

[CopyPat]

a little dissapointed with both tbh. although i didnt really expect much from muzz mizzy he had an ok story going that just never really finished or felt complete. the verses were just weird. try rhyming???

witty i was expecting a little more. this was a pretty good topic that didn't really end up getting much out of.

the end had that little twist which was good enough to take the win, also you obviously out rhymed and outwrote muzzle handily...

Not the best battle but vote witty

[Vulgar]

Muzzle - Decent verse. Your method of spinning a narrative isn't half bad, in actuality. Carry yourself with more confidence and better rhyming and I think you'll be a unique voice here. In your interpretation of the topic, you wrote two separate stories to the same theme. I preferred the second one because the beginning of your first one was a little bit tired with the description of the guy's motives for seeing a prostitute. Second one was cool and easily relatable. Unless we're referring to husbands cheating on their wives... with Netcees. 0_0

Witty - Fiery ending, you pulled off the crescendo effect well. The beginning oozed blandness. Starting off in a plain way is not the way to go, IMO, because it bars creativity when you keep to such a "general" style. I'd like to see you get wilder with your settings, characters and introductions. All in all, this was a fairly eloquent drop. It had the right ingredients to make it work. I wasn't inspired by it but it had moments of lyrical strength. Give yourself a chance to rack up a string of wins and your motivation to write will go "bazinga!"

Vote - Witty

[Dominate]

Muzz- I really wanted there to be a third stanza titled "and THIS motherfucker goes WEE WEE WEE WEE WEE WEE all the way home". Alas, there wasn't one. But anyway. Your approach was fairly obvious, but your story building was not half bad. My biggest issue with your verse was probably that the rhymes were too few and far between. I think, as a beginning writer, you should stick with rhyming in couplets at the end of the line. The only writers I've seen pull off anything else with success are people with a deal more experience and skill. I read your verse from last week as well as some of the feedback you received, and I think you've done a stellar job of taking some of those comments on board. This verse was better by leaps and bounds. Keep improving!

Witty- you seem to be getting not-so-positive feedback... Maybe others who know your writing better expected more from you. I confess, I don't remember reading anything from you before. I knew your reputation and so expected you to be good, but even so, I thought this was great. The online dating approach was slightly different, and connecting the two experiences of sexless love and loveless sex through the same character gave the peice a better rounded feeling. I'm impressed by your multis - overwhelmingly, they feel natural, effortless. I thought you did a great job developing the character and his online relationship. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

V/ Witty

[Mr. J]

Muzz, I will admit that you come off as a better writer the more used to your style I get
maybe it's the different aspect of how you approach your verse that puts me off since the first round
but you seem like you actually have a little skill to what you do, you just choose to over complicate things
either way you rode through your verse without any pressure which shows...
not the best verse due to it's plot holes but you held your own here...nice drop

Witty, Always a delight to read your verse, you came through more coherent then your opponent
and you really tried to tap into the reader's mind as the verse progressed
my only issue with this is the ending, which I found interesting, but didn't quite like
but I did enjoy the verse, it was smooth from the flow to the transitioning
the "bleh" at the beginning, either blended with the story...or you weren't feeling the topic
either way I feel like you did your work as far as your verse went, nice work

v/Witty

I feel Witty just came prepared to win, Muzzle needs a little more work...editing would help
but talking about what you should have done in a verse isn't acceptable unless you're in the OM
which you aren't....nice battle fella's

[Pinot Grij]

Muzzle.. this was funny, man.. I mean, you definitely should have taken time to edit this and polish it, but the rushed-ness of it provided lots of hilarity for me.

That woman that lured him into the crab shack: he still ignorantly adores...
he goes back to score more ass crack; but as approaching the same whore,
lmaoooo

They get married, which sucks because years go by... and they still love each other;
but loving one another without love-making, as if their love turned them into brothers.
LMAO@ a dude and a chick just turning into two dudes because they don't bang. Also, "Fill in eachother's cracks" was another beauty.

I think if you took more time you could've had something decent. This wasn't great, but at least it was entertaining to read. Also, I appreciate that we both took similar approaches this week by showing two sides to the same topic. I'm sure you've got nowhere to go but up, young homey.

Yo Witty, the opening stanza sounded like a poem that Larenz Tate would recite at a slam poetry Open Mic to Nia Long in a cheesy black romance movie from the 90s. Smooth as fuck, big guy.

2nd stanza really ran on too long.. the fact that this dude turned into a rapist is some dark, fucked up shit, dude. I don't really see that as a necessary or plausible route for this piece to have gone.. I would've preferred if it was something more comedic or realistic, one or the other. The fact that he rapes some poor chick really turned me off of the piece.

Despite this, you still dug a grave for Muzzle with those schemes - mechanics were solid and can't really be critiqued. I didn't like what happened in the story, but it was fully fleshed out and followed a solid, if not lengthy, storyline. Hope you come with something more palatable for me next week because I enjoy your contributions.

Vote - Witty