Broken minded
 

Watch it Kid i have a rabid habbit to blast my gasket,
wear a mask of shards of glass, to cover my scarred past bitch,
Carry a basket of broken hearts an dolls, with heads twisted,
quick to display dark arts stick around, i throw quite a picnic.
I dress in bloody vests with barbed wire tied tight around my chest,
use flagellation to best frustrations, though i was never truely blessed.
I never joke but been known to jest, i laugh an cry with fury,
tears of blood make my eyes blurry an stained my skin, like slurry.
My reflection is my best friend - told me i might be sectioned,
But i dont take notice, because hes just my minds invention.
Never sleep im always awake, but thats not how i was made,
took a day to cut out my eyelids, with sharpened razor blades.
I scream with more intensity then a thousand legions burning,
its not a dream, its more my plea, to heal the pain n hurting.
Envision living in vicious prisons, cats hangin of the wall,
pussys slashed, i dont mean pussy gash, there gats lyin on the floor.
My brain contains all the worlds pain, this is called a paradox..
My veins contain all worlds evils, dare you cut open pandoras box?
Tried to sell my soul to the devil, was told its too cold to use,
so cut his throat an for good measure, i cut the boatmans too.
Bathe in innocence and childrens ligaments, then wash myself in soap.
My wickedness is magnificent, you'll struggle to swallow it n you'll choke!
So kid, if you wanna hang with me, make sure you read what I wrote,
Use you head, cus to hang with me, is to hang yourself with rope!

I will return all forms of feed.

this was cool, i just feel like you'd be way better if you used punctuation marks
when your writing these drops, it makes it much easier to follow flow and read
it just looks like a bunch of run on sentences without any..
let your lines explain themselves, you shouldnt need to explain in these type of
drops...just a little feed, homie....good shit tho

Camp thanks for the feed fam, I totally agree, something I should really have remembered. I think its because I know how I want it to flow, forgot you won't read it the same as me.

Anyways I edited now, thanks for the shout out brah.

Flo

Uppin

I liked this shit holmes and to be honest with you I read your other piece and didn't really enjoy it but this one is good fam. The flow was a little hard to understand at times without the puncuation but it was definatly enjoyable. Keep postin

This was pretty cool, you had some nice flow in there. make your lines the same. you improve tho.

I scream with more intensity then a thousand legions burning,
its not a dream, its more my plea, to heal the pain n hurting.

that line was crazy. I felt like this was cool but needed a little more focus. you were trying to convey an emotional piece but iono some parts just seemed like filler a bit. and I think you need to work on your cadence a little more. that line I quoted is what all your lines should be. slow it down. anyway this had some good lines in there. good stuff.

Cheers for the feed guys ill feed you all bak monday. Btw hope ypu all realise that other drop was keyed. Freestyle text yo.

uppin

I thought the twisted dolls head imagery was somehow the most gruesome thing in here lol, it kinda stuck with me. up for more feed.

Yeah this was good man, I liked the multi syllable rhyming

Haha glad someone mentioned that, I was trying to describe like a sinister jester and had a brilliant image of some mad ass killer skipping around with a basket of creepy shit..

Anyways thanks for the feed guys.

Yeah i liked this also. Loads of potential with your writing style as well. Lots of clever lines. I just would like to see some internals. The multies were decent. Try fuckin with different syllable counts on em. Thats my 2 cents. Good stuff though.. Rise bruh

this was pretty ill, got a nice swag about it. enjoyed the first and last portions the best, the middle kinda fell of for me

EDIT: @Flo Real i'm on my computer so i will break this down and give some proper feed now



Watch it Kid i have a rabid habbit to blast my gasket,
wear a mask of shards of glass, to cover my scarred past bitch,
Carry a basket of broken hearts an dolls, with heads twisted,
quick to display dark arts stick around, i throw quite a picnic.

lol dope opener, jumped right into it. If i can make a suggestion, i think there should have been a comma or an ellipsis after "dark arts" ionno, seems like there should be a pause there but i dont know how you voice it.


I dress in bloody vests with barbed wire tied tight around my chest,
use flagellation to best frustrations, though i was never truely blessed.

+10 for making me look up flagellation

I never joke but been known to jest, i laugh an cry with fury,
tears of blood make my eyes blurry an stained my skin, like slurry.

ok i know what slurry is and i'm going to let it slide because technically it's accurate but stain like slurry? lol.. fasho


My reflection is my best friend - told me i might be sectioned,
But i dont take notice, because hes just my minds invention.
Never sleep im always awake, but thats not how i was made,
took a day to cut out my eyelids, with sharpened razor blades.
I scream with more intensity then a thousand legions burning,
its not a dream, its more my plea, to heal the pain n hurting.
Envision living in vicious prisons, cats hangin of the wall,
pussys slashed, i dont mean pussy gash, there gats lyin on the floor.

I fucking loved this part man, fire


My brain contains all the worlds pain, this is called a paradox..
My veins contain all worlds evils, dare you cut open pandoras box?
Tried to sell my soul to the devil, was told its too cold to use,
so cut his throat an for good measure, i cut the boatmans too.


lol, nice shit right there man


Bathe in innocence and childrens ligaments, then wash myself in soap.
My wickedness is magnificent, you'll struggle to swallow it n you'll choke!
So kid, if you wanna hang with me, make sure you read what I wrote,
Use you head, cus to hang with me, is to hang yourself with rope!

finished off nicely


yea man, this was a good solid drop, love the gruesomeness, definitely inspired me to try something like this lol, kudos and thanks for the read.

@Just Write @nO gOoD!
Thanks for the feed - hit me up if you need any

if u dont mind..
@Flo Real

http://artofbattling.com/showthread....n-to-deal-with

Props at Just Write, that was some decent feed so thanks fam...Yeah you were right on the dark arts to be fair/

Will check your drop now.

I posted feed here two months ago, and now the Zenmaster is calling collect on that favor he's owed.
http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5768-ZenLand-Part-II<<<<Drop feed mane!! @Flo Real

This Definately Is Filled With Some Sick Imagery. Like SomE Twisted Dude Wrote it. I Liked It Alot Some Parts Are Better Than Others Like....

I dress in bloody vests with barbed wire tied tight around my chest,
use flagellation to best frustrations, though i was never truely blessed.

Was A Line With Good Flow And It Kinda Flexed Your Vocabuulary.

I used to know a fathead when I went under the name Penance with another fine fella named Jonion...

Anyways the reason it felt like some twisted dude wrote it is because i am some twisted dude ;)

Cheers for the feed, be interested in the bar you liked most vs the line you liked least to help me out if you get a chance.