SZN XI Championship: Diablo (10-0) vs. Master Rock (8-3) vs. Universe (6-0) [DIABLO CHAMPS SZN XI!!!]
 

VERSE DUE: Thursday, November, 2nd, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 24 Hour Ext: Mod Discretion


MAXIMUM: 60 Lines


TOPIC:

http://media2.giphy.com/media/9baE94...giphy.gif&ct=g


“In order to survive in a world of instinct,
its' alternative is to hunt or being hunted.
Reject this, then be prepared to be hunted.” - Toba Beta



The hunt is on.
They look across the arid grey savannah plains,
A barren wasteland with hunter-gatherers wading through its scant remains.
Tall grasses sway in silent synchronicity as golden grains are stood
facing up at the fateful summer gaze of the Eurasian sun.
Yet patience comes with age amongst our early hominid hunters
with one of the youngest all too eager to ease his consummate hunger.
The primitive prospect then lunges from his position —
but opportunity’s gone in an instant, much like the one that he missed is.
There’s no time to offer forgiveness.
Looking down through furrowed brow
the elder doesn’t growl, his look of dour disappointment becomes a scowl.
Enough is mouthed to signify this shouldn’t have happened
before a guttural grunt then establishes the hunt is still active!
As sunset is gathering all remaining daylight from the skies
the tribe are reminded their hopes are fading with night on the rise.
The climate declines, their matte of black fur bristles tight at their sides,
as the bipedal giants subsistence strategy becomes a fight to survive.
They eye the horizon with suspicion and caution a must
each step as small and flat-footed as the prey they sought to ambush.
They stalk through the undergrowth of this desolate land
with only the remnants of past encounters and weapons in hand.
The elder neanderthal gestures erratically to an opening near him
stroking his bearded mane to indicate the young foal must be feeding.
This older experienced male knows that patience is key
with a greater degree of success than those acting instantaneously.
He raises his spear, fingers coiled as he studies the challenge,
his movements as wooden and jagged as the assegai our hunter has brandished.
The crunch of a snapping twig suddenly panics their prey —
standing up straight, its ears point toward the noise the Neanderthal made.
The leaders hand is now waving to encourage more natives to join
his directive keen as their weaponry; simple and straight to the point.
They take aim of their hoisted arsenal, appearing to startle it,
before striking both fear in its heart and spears in its cartilage.
They weaken their target with consecutive blows to the horses physique
until it’s legs no longer support it’s resilience and it falls to its knees.
Their stalk is complete.
Yet sure as they feast upon the reward of its meat,
unfortunately for our victorious Neanderthals, not all’s as it seems…
You’re talking to me now - The Mammoth - A true titan of industry -
One of the most feared giants in history, and I am a different breed.
While they were busied beating a dead horse to the stake
I was cautiously waiting to close the distance and corner my prey.
I saw their mistakes before they had made them;
Every misstep they had took
bore the imprint left by my footprints on ground I’ve already been stood.
I know every inch of this woodland, from its grassy greens to its heights,
equipping me for survival against the scavengers bleeding us dry.
I can smell their fear from a mile away as they see me and run
but there’s no reason to come from behind when you lead from the front.
While their spears are no longer in reach and they’re preoccupied
I leap up on hind legs to take the stampede off their minds.
My feet stomp their spinal columns with cold sickening thuds
turning the slow trickling substance into their own rivers of blood.
With a lone flick of my tusks, I attack the loudest first —
and stab the cowards sternum before bringing him crashing down to earth.
I stamp the ground asserting my dominance over those stood in my wake
each thunderous quake disrupting the status quo as the sleeping jungle awakes.
Suddenly swathes of prying eyes peer from the woodlands periphery
and I raise my trunk to implicitly sound the call that trumpets our victory.
Blood nourishes indigenous soil to quench the grounds insatiable thirst
giving way to rebirth as nature and nurture promote our vegetations return.
The remains are dispersed among all who occupy the habitat that we live in
— the death of the Neanderthals giving new life to the entire animal kingdom…

A Beast of Many Names

“Each of us has a beast roaming beneath our skin, roaring to get out.” - Sarah J. Maas

I feel it coming...

There's no cure it seems, I'm counting big numbers to learn to sleep
One million four hundred fifty thousand six hundred and thirty three
It's like I'm herding sheep between me and some lurid beast
I yearn to meet, doorknobs turn and creak followed by hurried feet
Like a luring beacon; I blink and see a flash of surgery
Then heard a beep, stirring deep memories of that recurring dream...

It was February, 2016...

With rhythmic beats of a bleeding heart the real recap starts
What could make three slash marks near my arm and still be at large?
What could take my severed feet in a boat out to sea in parts?
Inevitably to wash up on the shores of Vancouver beach at dark
The injury? It smarts; My brain's racing a mile a minute
With a smile that mimics that time it took my childhood with it
Savages establish dominion with a patternless vision
That lacks in commitment, like how Patterson-Gimlin's actions were scripted
I slave away like 1865 minus Lincoln
Defining characteristic: The violent kingpin of the white extinction
Hackles up means fur is lifted, no mercy given
Get the picture? Hurry click it; Spur these misfits with a blurry image
Bury the hatchet in dirt we live in, you won't know what's next
Show your steps, breadcrumbs don't always lead to a loaf of bread
Slow injections, how you're getting all our fluid's vile
Mixing up test tubes all while prepping us for human trials
The cries of a stubborn child even monkey's revile
It foretells my budding arrival but I'm something more primal
Which rivals the insanest orderly taking reported leave
Cordially waking a dormant gene and creating a war machine
Divorce just leads to abusive mothers and deadbeat dads
A lesson that taught me to forever treasure what I never had
Weather maps show our reign in this whole proud nation
We'd confiscate your knowledge base but there's no foundation
You know our strength fixed your stilted broken language
That's why you built rows of cages filled with hopeless Natives
Who were chained tightly on bed posts while laying naked
Scanning X-rays in place supplied a constant dose of radiation
Like nuclear devastation, that mushroom rained down hell
A gun-type uranium bomb that altered mutated cells
A prequel to the stage of feeling lethal and enraged
I'm a beast of many names but so are people when they age
Freed from my restraints, they'll self-destruct like towers soon
These Killers of the Flower Moon spill their guts when the hour's noon
Still in love with power too, feel a stomach growl, now consume
A palate proves spoiled children are dumped when our bowels move
Trauma surgeons who electrocute our hearts 'til they work...
Loot our parks & reserves to make evolution charts in reverse
Escaped hardships to learn the feeble raft's busted
Like my people's cash budget you'll never see a-tax coming
Apes in villages rape and pillage, we set the traps you're stuck in
Fuck mass shooters, our mass incumbent will rip you ass to stomach
The Sasquatch conundrum, rummaging in your trash when hungry
A spastic monkey eating the remnants of a batshit country
Pour gas on luggage, you'll travel light with plastic money
Happy hunting! Eventually all appetites shrink back to nothing...

I wake abruptly, a little bloody, twisted and turned in sheets
I see anarchy in suburban streets, wildfires plus burning trees
'Bigfoot Sighting' across my screen, interviewee getting the third degree
A burly teen turned sex fiend from a well-earned disease
Shoe size now thirt- um, teen, from a growth spurt it seems
I toughed it out, but what's this tuft of hair on my jersey mean?
Onset puberty? The cameras weren't on so I never learned the scene
Yet I heard the screams...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5903703

Didn't I tell you I have a recurring dream?

Master Rock. I liked the first half of this but then it kinda felt like you started rambling and lost momentum. Out of all the approaches possible for this topic you took one of the more meta ones but I feel like you didn't fully capitalize on the potential. You could've made universe, Diablo and maybe even frank your prey and used detail to explain the hunt but instead you just kinda went on and on without much to process. I was disappointed. Considering who you're against, and it being the finals, I thought you'd go all out. But this isn't your best. C

Diablo, this was dope. I love that at first I thought it was people hunting lions then it was neanderthals hunting a steed and finally a mammoth taking out the neanderthals. It was a pleasant rollercoaster. The piece flowed nicely and definitely picked up pace as the action kicked in which was nice. Honestly have no complaints about this piece. You understood the assignment and the stage and you brought your best to the plate. A+

Universe, this was cool man. I don't think the concept or approach had me like Diablo did but the technique of this piece was fire. Flow was quick and multies were sick. Th subject you tackled was new to me and definitely kept me curious from start to finish. Not gonna lie I was hoping for shark attack in the beginning but it was creative regardless. Good stuff man. A

Two out of three isn't bad. Still a finale worth watching, I was just a little let down by the underdog here. Diablo and Universe tore the roof down though. Personally, I'm a story teller, and I feel the narrative of Diablos just edged it for me. But this could easily go either way. Great job fellas.

Vote Diablo

Ok I’ll break down in order that I read

Lars- it’s actually crazy the first thought I had when I saw the topic was I would write a verse about Neanderthals hunting a wooly mammoth. I just watched that prehistoric life show on Netflix so that was on my brain.
Your verse is very well crafted here, excellent end rhymes which I don’t always get with you and that’s most likely because of difference in our accents but it was really on point here for me. And some creative choices in that department. I will say about half way through I was feeling like the verse was very much in need of emotion. I would have painted a bleak and hopeless picture of the Neanderthals struggle for survival but just as those thoughts entered my mind you flipped the whole verse with the reveal that the whole thing had been from
The mammoths pov and then injected a ton of anger and hostility in the verse. This had a huge impact against the previous tone. It was a very enjoyable story with great mechanics.

Universe- On the technical side of things you nailed it as always. Expert level rhyming on display here. On par with Lars in that department. But the story was all too vague for my tastes. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on until the end and that works sometimes but really I was like what is it that I’m reading about for most of the verse. Like where is this headed. Obv I’m splitting hairs and I don’t want to sound too harsh it was an excellent verse but I’d give like an 8 next to Lars posting a 9.

Master Rock - read yours last. You had a rough start and after following these two it really hurt your chances here. The verse picked up in the middle from a technical stand point but ultimately went no where. You need a beginning a middle and an end when you are battling at this level and yours didn’t encompass that philosophy. You battled two terrific story tellers here. That are also master topicalist from a mechanics stand point. You might not have been able to match them in both categories but you should have at least of had an amazing story. Which you didn’t. Valiant effort anyway. Solid showing.


Usually prefer Universes writing to Diablos , just a personal preference, but Diablo really catered to what I was looking for in this topic and wrote something that was fun to read while being technically very sound.

Vote - Lars

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Frank trying to get that sponsor, i see.

master rock: this felt all over the place (comparative to you), and struggled to maintain a cadence. similar to most horror movies, it did little to elucidate what the actual monster is/was/were/you, which was disappointing. lots of long lines that dragged on, a semi-decent concept with the jabs at the other finalists.

There is a stunning line near the end:
"Meet exhibit A... a hurricane versus a paper mache."

the ending line was solid in its own right, but the cohesion of the entire piece wasn't there - it explored a lot of tropes while never picking. It only felt like it brushed the topic rather than embraced it. I see little gleams of what you've learned but a poor showing for a final.

deebs: good starting quote, sets the mindset of "this is inevitable", a good theme for you in a finals. mostly solid rhymes, sloppy with "a must" and "ambush" in the middle of a very elegant cadence. not much to say beyond "dope flow", solid cohesive story, stuck to topic and held a twist.

best line:
"They take aim of their hoisted arsenal, appearing to startle it,
before striking both fear in its heart and spears in its cartilage."

universe: also a great quote for you, in a finals. the reminder that "Hey I've been laying low, but you really want me to show up, okay...". you ended up linking the article, but as soon as that severed feet line dropped. this is a cool piece, more cohesive than it feels at first glance (which... is never what you should do with a universe piece). I'm reading this from the perspective of an Indigenous person, reliving/experiencing both the treatment of their kin and the treatment of other non-colonist folk across the world. could be off base though, just how I interpreted it. also "big foot sighting" har har. maybe werewolf vibe, maybe "I turn into a monster sometimes" vibes, given "eventually all appetites shrink back to nothing" playing the dual role for both the narrator and the power-hungry subjects of the piece, and yourself dipping from writing here.

mvgt: Diablo

this is a little tougher than I wanted it to be, bc the depth of Universe's piece speaks to me, but the simplicity of Diablo's (while still maintaining relative excellence AND sticking to the topic like glue) won this over. Universe's piece felt "hunt" adjacent, but I think it extrapolated too far into another space - not a negative for the piece, only a negative for this vote. Masterrock needed to bring something he's never shown for the finals, and failed to do so. (edit: I say "simplicity" for diablo's piece with tongue slightly in cheek, as it wasn't simple to execute but simple to read and that's masterful).

Dam at dude @ing me I’m an old man now hahaha

Vote!
 

@Frank VOTE!

Master Rock verse could have been better still decent

Universe verse soild flow is polish concepts pretty cool

Diablo verse so creative flow off the hook

I'm impress with all of the writers I enjoy reading all

I felt likeDiablo a lil more creative compare to master and Unverise. Vote Diablo

Is Diablo baron/lars?

Either way I got Diablo

Vote - Master rock

Reason being is that I read both of those long long things... I felt like the first dude Rock... put me into a better mindset. I felt over all he was more skilled and it spoke to me a little better. I read the second dude very closely and it was straight for sure... but vote Rock.... not by much both were very nice

XI