@
Cashius
I'll explain some of my initial intentions
1st line i was using 'White lie' as little fib for the first part, but for the 2nd part I did make a coke reference, using 'lie'
as in lie down. it looks weird because usually its lying down. but in something like golf. your ball can have a 'bad lie'
all in all. white, lie on the table was a coke ref. n the multi went with it. I do see that it is written a bit awkwardly now though
2nd line. pretty much like you read, i thought it was clever when i wrote it. but Is their an efficient way that you have found to make general punches SEEM more personal.
3rd line UT, I...tbh honest just used Ill Nika's initial for the I. I was originally trying to glorify my own nameplay while dissing his. with a 'your girl punch'
4th line. I definitely agree with more extreme part. it would hit harder, it was a simple concept but alot of heads seem to JUST smack ppl with em.
its that harsh, abruptness i need help with
5th line was elder rives..rive as in split or rend, orig. i was tryin to tie the physical parts in my setup down to the wordplay