split - your verse made me recall an excerpt i read recently.
"...the habit of photographic seeing - of looking at reality as an array of potential photographs - creates estrangement from, rather than union with, nature." - Susan Sontag
idk. anyway, its always difficult as a peer and as a sublimatory writer myself to place a verse concerning personal, often sensitive topics on an objective scale to tell you how good it is. it is your creation, your story. its as good as it can be to that end. rather i aim to measure how well the writing engaged me for what it was. heavily focused on creating a distinct image-laden voice as you have been more recently. i think i saw fig comment on your tendency to gravitate towards more 'photographic' or visually inclined content. i think it suits your interest now but be cautious to avoid the pigeonhole. explore more than you are comfortable with in most regards. this was a well written (if not slightly obscured at times) and honorable memorandum to your friend, and a well developed response to the topic.
certain - very minimalist approach to your writing and idk why but my schema of what is expected from your work is less restricted than this felt in terms of meter and such. not in a negative way critically, just an incongruence with what i had in mind prior. your take was most cemented, no pun intended, during this section:
Quote:
So take a picture before it all gets turned into pavement,
before tonight is a blur for the vagrants,
before I author my cobblestone opus.
|
these were a strong couple of lines to really allow your reader to mentalize your motives as far as the picture itself is concerned.
the mountains together/on my shoulders was a fantastic concept as well. you guys used the idea of a photograph in action in such different contexts which made this battle something of distinct wonder. both centered on a nostalgic spirit of photographs, yet split took on a more literal form while certain sort of abstracted it into a conduit for the issue of looking at something (or someone) vs. seeing it.
great matchup and would have made a great tourney submission on both ends.
after great consideration i have to award CERTAIN this victory.
thanks bros.
1