[big baby]

LMAO VV MAD GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was weird. Read timeless first, thought nothing was wrong with the execution. Actually like the flow of it (not rhythmically, but the way the story developed) more than VV. But I think the last stanza with his mother was a bit short and wish it had more of a twist of any proportion, emotional, story, etc. It was a good, inventive piece that showed strides in potential and wellness. I enjoyed it, but thought the end was just a TAD off, just in terms of brevity. I know you're fighting a line limit and character limit, but still, just wish it fit more. You wording has improved and I look forward to reading more. VV was pretty cool. Mechanically, you're usually okay, but I think here - you didnt hit much. I could see how you formatted things before even reading the next stanza, and cringed at your attempts to do so. Every rhyme you ever thought of, I've thought of it, and others a thousand times over. So it's pretty cool to see how writers go about writing things, and where to put consonants and sounds and stuff. It's cool to me because I'm amazing at it. Also, this was the weak part of your verse. Just the rhyming. And it mightve been great to some, and acceptable to others. But I didn't particularly enjoy it. It didnt have to be this rhyme scheme greatness like JM or Zombie. But it was just mediocre and seemed rushed/force. The story telling was top notch and actually pretty funny. Stuff like this doesnt weird me out or throw me off track. I've thought of worse and this is actually a pretty common thought in BB's head. I feel like you thought of a story within 10 minutes of brainstorming and already flushed out an entire scenario and didnt leave room for mechanics. Had I been more offset with your performance my vote would be going to timeless here for his clear crafting and time spent. But it isn't. Consider yourself, vividly vague