I do think Seymour for the most part pulled it off-- "it" being: a story with characters, a bit of personal background on them, descriptions of the action/disaster going on around them, with good imagery, and capturing my attention on what will happen next.
there were a couple areas where i felt the phrasing was forced or trite, but overall it was good. and the rhyming and rhythm were strong points to aid the creativity.
slutmachine's verse has a good flow with a lot of quality rhyming. however in my view there appeared to be a lack of focus on the 'message' being conveyed. now i realize some pieces are just for the sake of themselves, not conveying a message..but i felt that this verse "wanted to" have a message, but did not do a substantial job at conveying one. another way of looking at it is to say: it perhaps touched on a lot of things-- jumped around and tried to tie them together-- but not as well as it could have.
..."Earth breaks for mother nature's demonic traits,
Lucifer masturbates as a lovers favor to move her tectonic plates.
To orchestrate against the goddess praise is part of his hedonic ways,
marked as dark is God's lazy grace, it's how he plays on his office days.
A modest case for the modern craze of religious politics
leaves prolific believers behind, nothing is viscious for critics.
These tidbits please cynics when stars gets aligned,
it sparks the design of physics when books is lost in devine."...
"nothing is vicious for critics"-- even in context, i am left wondering what this means.
i am not speaking out of ignorance..i'd like to think i know about nature/religion/politics/
so do not get me wrong-- it is a good verse with quality rhyming. the wording is just too convoluted or perhaps just "trying too hard". good verse but does not beat Seymour's
Vote Seymore Butts
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