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Old 08-25-2014, 12:46 AM   #6
SlutMachine
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Purple Puke - Decent story, the way you displayed the story wasn't extremely engaging in my opinion but it wasn't bad either. It was very straight forward, easy to understand with some generic metaphores and some pretty cool lines like this one:

''Around 9 pm people witnessed the birth of a monster, signaled by smoke
Engulfing the scenery, masking the demon feasting on homes.
Maturing to adulthood in a matter of minutes, wild & savage
With a dozen firemen flogging a dead horse with equipment that's damaged ''
^ Thought this one was pretty cool.

This one as well was dope to me:
''The city of Chicago was parched as this calamity feasted & wrecked
Until the morning of the 10th. the sky's had seen enough, opened up & wept.''

Overall a pretty decent story about the drunken fuck up named Toby. Poor guy, this probably wont help on his alcoholism, or it'll open his eyes. Hope it's the last one. Cool shit.

Richard Schwartz - Thomas Hinchliffe, some sociopathic lil bugger, aint he? Great story, enjoyed the story. Thought the story you made which eventually led him to lit the house on fire and cause the dramatic event were pretty cool. Got an insight into the madmans life and instead of making it about the fire itself you created a colorful character to go with it with the fire as the climax to the story. Pretty cool.

Vote - Richard Schwartz. Although Purple Puke had a pretty cool verse but the story itself lacked that extra spice to make me really engage in it. There were definite highlights here and there for me in Purple's verse, but overall Richard Schwartz had a better showing in terms of a more well rounded verse with a more in depth story about a developed character named Thomas Hinchcliffe. Pretty cool battle.
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