[IamBenT]

Welcome to the League of Shadows, Gentlemen!

Fenix - First some quotes:

my name is gary, but my last name is unnecessary
always been fairly close with my family, but still unmarried

- Gary Unmarried?? LOL wasn't that a tv show??

hrough my heart - simulating a coronary, in my family
heart disease is hereditary, but that's arbitrary
suddenly the air in this area feels like february
baffled, stupefied, i can't find the right word in the dictionary

- Fantastic here, everything just really picks up

Wasnt feeling the whole -tion/-sion section for the devil, would have liked more variety in the rhyming pattern.

still pondering if it was what they said, or that i heard it
i'm wandering streets alone, realizing i'm a burden
dishonoring my loved ones, revision is needed for certain

-Great stuff as well

Yo, the verse on a whole is very well crafted. You are a pro at structuring a narrative and telling us, detail by detail, step by step, leading us where you want us to go, which I find an impressive skill when coupled with having to use internal and end rhyme! So i liked that. I liked your take on the topic, even though it felt a bit basic, and I'm not sure how I feel about leaving the ending rather open-ended (I mean who is he gonna listen to after all? Angel or Devil!?!?) I like open-ended conclusions but usually when done right, I'm not sure the stakes were high enough in this battle for his choice to be as climactic as I would have liked. There was more hot fire I could have quoted, your use of short, punch rhymes in the bars really kept me reading and interested throughout, love to see what you do with an even longer verse.

JustWrite- Damn, this looked like the makings of a hot verse with plenty of nuance and a tear-jerker story waiting to happen, or perhaps a TWIST?? I'm a sucker for a good surprise. Unfortunately, a few bars does not make a great battle verse against a well-wrought tale from your opponent. But if I were you, for fun, I would develop this, cuz it started off dope.

Vote -Fenix Osiris of this shit right now..