Adverse - The angle you took here was compelling and probably relatively familiar for most writers\textcees.
Loved the opening bar, that set the tone perfect. The way you illustrate your reflections upon this
craft\hobby is very eloquent while not being too overbearing about it.
I don't mind it being personal if that's the case. The technical aspect here is solid and as well.
Highlights:
I bob and ebb in the ink of these stories that I bled to reality
Being drowned by every word and stanza I’ve let fester out of me
^^ As said, dope opening.
I’ve shunned my wife and my kid, they probably can’t tell I’m sorry
I spend my waking moments glued to the screen, in a lime-tinted melancholy
^^ Delightfully depressive.
The king of the textcees, no one’s more deservin’ of that!
If you could hang all my internet plaques in this chat room, the servers would crash
^^ Nice
I’ve poured my heart and soul into this, now’s not the time to lose faith
I’ve missed birthdays, I’ve missed funerals just to get bars in by the due date
^^ We all gotta prioritize right.
The ending was strong also.
sraL - as a fan of dark comedy this definately served as an entertaing read for me.
Props for coming up with this wonderfully bizarre approach, and delivering accordingly.
Like Adverse the technical aspects at an advanced level, I wont nitpick anything here.
Upon reading again it feels like you put intention into every damn line here, so yeah
a formidable piece here as well.
Few things are certain in life, as a matter of interest,
you work ‘til you die and are taxed for the privilege.
Our family business leaned on this premise too —
as black and as grim as our cheap polyester suits.
^^ Off to an appealing start here.
The ready example epitomised all gravediggers should be
I hadn’t just tinkered beneath it, so much as built a MACHINE!
By increasing the speed of its gear chain to automate the procedure
its spade could dig deeper than any man, without taking a breather.
^^ It's where I went from liking to digging (no pun) this story
I aimed to save the business from ever-dwindling debts
but never came to make a killing in the literal sense.
Now several victims are buried after being choked to their deaths
only instead of the dearly departed, it’s me in over my head.
^^ Subtle hints of creative madness here.
As I've not been around here much Im not familiar with your previous writings, this being a finale match I think both delivered the goods.
Deciding a vote isn't clear on first read, or second for that matter.
I suppose it just comes down to preference, as for me that grim satire drop from sraL was mine. As such I'll give him the vote and salute to both.
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