Witty, after reading the verse I enjoyed where you took the topic. Personifying evil and having it manifest into a cure for loneliness was unique and interesting. The light and dark imagery imagery in the first half meshed well. It may have even been unintentional however going for the darkness of the first stanza, then to the lighter description of the character in the second stanza, then right back into dark description in the first line of the 3rd stanza, I dunno what else to say other then I liked it. One thing that stood out to me as a bit of a miss was the direction in storytelling in some situations. The one most memorable is:
"He says he didn't mean to kill his friend, he just kinda got bored
And in a split second he gets mad again and splits her spine with a sword"
^The character had just murdered someone knife, and then proceeds to bring out a sword for further mutilation? Wasn't very believable for me, and the lack of plausibility kinda took away from the verse a bit. That's my only complaint, aside from that I thought this was bang on.
Black, another verse in the midpoint of literal meaning and abstract interpretation, resting place of the dead man. This piece had a lot to offer, from one liners of portraying wit, imagery, and emotion, to deep metaphors, to profound statements, I feel there are aspects of this verse that any reader would be partial to. I read this twice and am still not positive who the main character is suppose to be. At the beginning of my second reading I almost thought it was the perspective manifested evil on earth, but the tone shifts to light and encouraging later on, so my final guess would be the one above good and evil, the merger of the two, the higher power. Without evil, good would not exist, so without good there would be nothing, therefore evil is better then nothing. That is what I took away from this piece. A few lines I enjoyed:
"create a village of widows so i can marry the victims" - I interpreted this as a metaphor for destroying nations and becoming business partners with the survivors.
"formulas, weaponry, law, science, corporate design
then expanded like an atom into orbiting skies" - this, especially the second line, was beautiful. I commend you on the imagery you crafted for me.
"evil is a construct, but survival is truth
so power is the guiding force behind our pursuits
survival is a mechanism, power is lust
and evil is a weapon when it's ours to construct" - couldn't picture a better way of finishing this off. Profound, nuff said.
Prognosis: I loved Wittys piece, it was straightforward and summarized well in the ending with the way it pertained to the topic. I felt more drawn the dead mans work after reading both, however. First off, I was content with my level of understanding after one read of Wittys. This is neither a good nor bad thing for Witty. However, with deads I needed two reads. I felt as though I had to pull away at the layers of deads verse to reach the central message which was wonderfully stimulating for my brain. Fantastic battle gentlemen.
+1 dead man
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