[sral]

Zelph shows Aero his Tinder profile

Zelph: Look Aero I made a page!!! Any advice?

Aero: I doubt you take my advice but...

NO HEADSHOTS, & dont act desperate if you wanna get laid today
Zelph cried out "Oh God, please swipe right" I'm like didnt HE? With a razor blade?

I thought this was light, definitely more that could have been done with the swipe and razor idea but this one felt like it needed more work either in the wording or execution to make it more comedic or hit harder in the delivery, in the end it didn’t really have either/or to assist it (for me) and felt a bit flat out the gate personally.

Life’s hectic, but when a day goes by I swear I wouldn’t do it differently
For Zelph, when a Dago’s bi he thinks “THIS is why I moved to Italy”

This was much better, good idea and worded really smooth, I haven’t seen this Dago bi done before so it was fresh to me. This one could easily have been the opening line, stronger off the bat and doing damage immediately. I fuck with it.

Eviction’s mom gets dicked down and dumped quick cuz that vagina’s the stupidest
That bitch seen more pump & bolt actions than ANY rifle enthusiast

I liked this one, good concept at the root of it, execution wise these hyperbole style punches have been used for years over and they always tend to be formulated in a similar way with more _______ than ________ which doesn’t tend to hit as hard as it would worded differently so that the payoff is right at the end and it’s not as easy to telegraph what’s coming up. You can mask is better by saving the pump and bolt action play until right at the end of the punchline/payoff. As it is it’s a straight jab, just could have been even better if worded differently IMO.

& you live in a dank basement. Team gets no attention cuz you bland/basic
TransAction’s getting looked over… Dia’s mom every month w/ his bank statement

I hated bland/basic as an end rhyme personally, just feels super lazy and simplistic to me. Again here it’s a simple enough punchline to form, conceptually it has legs but the execution could have been done differently to swap things around and make this hit even harder to me. Once you’ve read as far as “TranAction getting looked over,” you can start to see where the payoff may be going before you even reach the end of the line and it loses some surprise factor to catch people off guard. Some misdirection may have made better use of this line and it’s impact.