[sral]

F rank: What I liked about this one was it’s pacing, it gave the read an almost like flick-book type effect with a succession of fast images as it unfolded rapidly. I think that worked well in respect of the narrative here as it was almost like the game itself was being played out in real time, a play-by-play, with you acting as the commentator for the audience at home. I can’t think of a better way to describe that right now so I hope you can comes across and is understood as it gives it a real frenetic feel to proceedings and, as a reader, it places you right at the heart of the action from the start. There’s no slow burner build up, you have the attention of a captive audience right from the jump. I’ve noticed NYCSpitz utilise similar previously also and it’s an effective tool to use. Now, there’s also a lot more happening here throughout like the subtle nuances and overarching rhyme schemes where you carry the same masculine sounds for a duration. From a technical standpoint this has its merits, there are times when you’re using spoken dialogue from the characters where this restricts you somewhat though and it can come off as somewhat unnatural, I’m not sure if you’re happy to sacrifice that fact for the love of the scheme or if you place a higher importance on the spoken dialogue and whatnot - personally, I’m of the latter mindset, and there are ways and means of executing it so that you find a happy medium between the two in my opinion. I say that because hand on heart I’ve been exactly where you are now and felt the benefits of being able to sustain that scheme for so long far outweighed the necessary snippets of dialogue to move the story along. I’ve certainly opted for the same route you choose to take, in the past, and it’s only some years later did I start to see perhaps I could break with the elongated scheme and switch it up without losing anything from a technical point of view. I don’t carry on the scheme simply because I choose not to nowadays, it’s not that I can’t do it, I absolutely can and have shown as much. It just isn’t my calling card. Lol. I think you feel this may be you at your ceiling and you wouldn’t want to do anything less than the level you’re currently at, but improving the dialogue between your characters and making it more natural sounding would definitely add a further element to your game. We know you can do things from a mechanics standpoint, it’s only really yourself you’re proving things to from here on out, I think knowing that you may even opt to try something else out. I definitely think throwing away the restrictions that come with trying to write such rigid schemes each week would offer you more freedom you could then revel in. Thrive in even. Try it. There were elements later on with the introduction of the score board and buzzer etc that reminded me somewhat of that chess playing robot madness you brought to the table one week. I think that batshit crazy creative side to you is you at your best, not this strict rhyme scheme using Frank you’ve manifested into over last season - though, I do see that you’ve somewhat combined those two things here this week. Two very different sides to the same person I feel.

So who and how do I decide? I felt like Frank offered more by way of pacing to his story overall, Universe had more of a slow burn with the ultimate payoff coming at its closing lines, and while I felt like from a technical standpoint both did well enough it to not really play all that important a role here - what mattered was the other components that made up each verse. For Uni, that was the angle of the daughter being dead but not quite realising it. It had an emotional attachment, it was a unique point of view to have taken the reigns of, and it delivered to that end. In Frank’s piece it had great pacing and an abundance of assonance and rhyming - it’s almost disorientating at times as there are that many rhymes in short succession lol - but ultimately it was a basketball story and very directly on topic with not so much in the realms of a creative spark to really separate it, Uni on the other hand had an original angle to tell this through the eyes of and that’s ultimately what settled this one for me this week.