soulstice - i hold you in very high regard as a writer as you're top 3 or 5 of guys i've competed alongside in any semblance of a topical league or tourney. i thought the writing here was nothing less than stellar and i could spend good chunks of time and/or conceptual energy extracting minutiae from the expanse of language alone. but i won't, because i only read this twice, and while i enjoyed it, i fail to recognise an ostensible/causal relation between this verse and the picture. i don't think it even needs one but then idk. i want to think of something unusual, something that i would usually do, but i don't see it. it's late and this is the last of my votes though so forgive me if i've missed something painstakingly obvious and you haven't just recycled some verse. pm me or something.
uh oh - i think this would have been stronger in a first person monologue. but apart from that yea... it's effective in its simplicity and whatever. flows well enough. the almost bare bones are laid out and we scrape the remnants of meat off them. w.e. that means. the line about 'rabbits skittered past to forage' seemed so fucking thoughtful and unusually vigilant for this shit. i mean it worked. i just laughed to myself, like silently, probably because it was so soft yet written in caps, too. i did write a verse this week btw for the gladiator thing but it wasn't amazing/did flow pretty well. okay.
v/uh oh?
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