Netcees - View Single Post - NYCSPITZ vs. Diode

Argh · 01-21-2016, 07:53 AM

Interesting match up.

NYCSPITZ
There were some technical flaws with your writing, from shifting tenses (past to present a third of the way through) to misusing phrases. Beyond that, there were some creative moments in the narrative. My favorite visual was the faces on the playing cards morphing into the faces of the character's parents. The story line was pretty enjoyable but the drug trip ending was a bit of a cop out.

Diode
I can't even recall the last verse of yours I've read. Anyway, your piece raised some comtemplative questions about the scope of the universe and our existence in it. The closer was a nice way to tie everything together. On a few lines, you sacrificed meaning for the sake of alliteration ("violent violets") and employed word choices that were a mouthful ("inescapable excoriating aspect of existence").

Vote
I think readers will be pretty divided when it comes to voting. In this instance, the more cerebral verse won me over, much of it having to do with execution. Diode had the more polished writing and thoughtful concept.

VOTE = Diode

01-21-2016, 07:53 AM	#4
Argh Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 34 Rep Power: 3436001	Interesting match up. NYCSPITZ There were some technical flaws with your writing, from shifting tenses (past to present a third of the way through) to misusing phrases. Beyond that, there were some creative moments in the narrative. My favorite visual was the faces on the playing cards morphing into the faces of the character's parents. The story line was pretty enjoyable but the drug trip ending was a bit of a cop out. Diode I can't even recall the last verse of yours I've read. Anyway, your piece raised some comtemplative questions about the scope of the universe and our existence in it. The closer was a nice way to tie everything together. On a few lines, you sacrificed meaning for the sake of alliteration ("violent violets") and employed word choices that were a mouthful ("inescapable excoriating aspect of existence"). Vote I think readers will be pretty divided when it comes to voting. In this instance, the more cerebral verse won me over, much of it having to do with execution. Diode had the more polished writing and thoughtful concept. VOTE = Diode Last edited by Argh; 01-21-2016 at 10:35 AM.