View Single Post
Old 01-22-2016, 07:43 PM   #10
Razah
rockkFresh
 
Razah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Chicago.
Posts: 1,088
Battle Record: 8-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 11328542
Razah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant futureRazah has a brilliant future
Default

first battle I'm reading, very enjoyable.

It gets to a point where critiquing certain things are kind of pointless, because it's really me just nitpicking and "trying" to find something "wrong" about the piece.

NYC, really liked your verse. There were certain phrases / words that felt forced, but again, nitpicking. I thought 90% of the verse was really dope. The faces of the cards changing into the parents? Sickk. Very descriptive, I could see the whole thing playing out in my head. I didn't really like the ending though, felt like an easy way out (I don't blame you though, sometimes wrapping a verse up is difficult for me and I just find something to 'finish' the verse. Dope read though.

Diode, I think this is my first time reading a verse from you. Reminds me of Buddha, with what I call "Canibus rap". It was cool though. I really liked the beginning part, something as simple as using specific colors really paint a visual. Conceptually, this was pretty dope. Actually, really dope. That's the main reason I'm leaning towards voting for your verse.

I'm going to have to vote for Diode. I really liked how he went about with his concept. What stopped me giving NYC the vote was his ending. It was pretty thorough until that part. I felt iffy about Diode's rhyme schemes, and words he used to rhyme. Sometimes I expected a certain bar to end with a certain rhyme, and it didn't. But, yeah, although I enjoyed NYCs verse, Diode's was enjoyable and was more thought provoking for me.

vDiode
Razah is offline