[Zuo]

NBL Week 2 Mag: Summmertime Shootout

Introduction

I want to thank you all for making an impact on the opening week of the new NBL season, definitely couldn’t have done it without the help and dedication of you guys. Yeah sure, some of you guys disappointed me but for the most part I think it was a good turnout for the first week. I’m excited for week 2, the Helmet Bowl 2023 is going to be wild, I can’t believe this is happening! I. Am. Stoked. Another thing I’d like to address is Pharaohs Army, man you are fucking retarded and it’s pitiful to watch. It’s like you can’t help yourself but to constantly type up a bunch of nonsense that nobody gives a fuck about or takes the time to read. Get a fuckin life dude. Maybe if you weren’t so dedicated to trying to infect the NBL forum with all your spamming, things would be different for you but no, I’m watching you. Let’s see if you can contain yourself this week you sick fuck.

Battle Reviews

Zuo vs. Cereal

I personally was not motivated at all to write, couldn’t think of anything really lmao. Cereal dropped within his capabilities but unfortunately wasn’t able to take the win. I appreciate Cereal showing up on time and dropping, I’ll take that any day over a dude who’s gonna no show. Props for that bro. Zuo won this battle, but will only be battling as a fill in from here on out.

DynamiCz vs. R!canTheoryz

This is honestly one of my contenders for BOTW, and I must say I did not expect that. DynamiCz dropped a nice comeback verse with bars such as family portrait, trump arrest, and bird exhibit. It’s refreshing to see some bars that are outside of typical wordplays some people love dropping. R!can also had a nice verse in my opinion, with lines such as hippie clothing, and tie-die. I haven’t read much from R!can in the past but I’m definitely impressed. Both dropped good, but DynamiCz ended up grabbing the W and will go on to battle a tougher opponent next week. Props to both.

Diablo vs. Pharaohs Army

If it weren’t for Diablo dropped a good verse, I wouldn’t have even bothered mentioning this battle since the other opponent is retarded PA. Pharaohs Army, I gave you so many chances to not be a fuckin idiot but you ignored me and decided to spam the entire site with your bullshit. Enjoy dropping walls of text in the disc that absolutely nobody reads. Diablo had some dope material in this battle such as his opener and put on a clinic. Props to Diablo for winning this one, and he will go on to battle a tougher opponent next week.

Kill Spree vs. Cred

This battle was actually good, props to Spree for dropping some dope lines and taking a clean win. Cred had the sacretes bar which was good but the rest felt a bit rushed and uncharacteristic of him. I honestly thought Cred would take this one convincingly but this just goes to show that anything can happen in the world of text. Props to both, but Kill Spree came up with a solid win here.

Ryno vs. Master Rock

A pretty cool, but one sided battle here. I’m pretty sure Master Rock is just about retarded PA alias but whatever. Ryno had some good stuff and a lot of slick ideas, some bars will a little wordy and some hit good. Slave master and earth bender were the standouts here. Ryno took this easily.

Saint vs. Mac

Cool little battle here, props to both for showing. Saint had some nice punches and wordplays, Mac had some cool ideas but wasn’t able to dish the bars out properly.

Top Punches of Week 1

Originally Posted by DynamiCz

Home Invasion! Fuk the House, I run inside and actually torch it
Bodies everywhere, Flesh & Bones Hang off the Wall... Family Portrait//

Originally Posted by R!canTheoryz

This Peace is Quickly loaded- ur brain’ll be strictly Roaming,
Fuck the Gun - this Blade’ll Cut & Leave Dy Scattered Everywhere like Hippie Clothing

Originally Posted by Diablo

depressions a bitch. ain’t no way you could fuck with me
only reason I ain’t put a clinic on you is id never wanna help aid your recovery

Originally Posted by Saint

long clip have em like a gym rat. his back needs attn.
If i get Hyper, Extension slumping him down in a 45 degree position

Originally Posted by Kill Spree

Gun bar king? I pull out & blast C right
You’ll die in a second Take, w/bullet holes in ur neck for lookin @ me twice

Predictions

NBL S17 PRESENTS: THE HELMET BOWL 2023 - Pharaohs Army vs. Master Rock vs. Cereal vs. Dope girl

I have been waiting so long for this battle exclusive, this is hands down some Showtime PPV type shit. We are truly in for the showdown of our lifetimes here, I really am looking forward to seeing what everyone brings to the table here. Out of all who are participating, I believe Master Rock might have the highest probability of winning this. With that being said, this can definitely be anybody’s game. I’m so eager I cannot wait. Master Rock to be crowned Top Helmet

Week 2: R!canTheoryz (0-1) vs. Mac (0-1)

This has potential to be a pretty solid battle. Rican dropped a pretty nice verse last week against DynamiCz, and had one of my favorite bars of the entire week. Mac also had a decent verse, but I’d like to see him formulate his punches better this time around. This honestly could go either way but based off of last week, I’m gonna go with R!canTheoryz 55/45

Week 2: Sinacog (0-0) vs. Ghost1 (0-0)

This one is either going to be amazing, or it’s going to make me wish I was never born. I don’t fucking know, I guess we’ll see what happens. Sinacog is actually a real person which is sickening but I gotta give it to him, he’s a fuckin lyrical machine. Bag on the other hand, not so much a lyrical machine. The last time these two guys met, it was all out war - I hope they can bring that same energy to this one. Ghost1 60/40

Week 2: Lyfzaa Gamble (0-0) vs. Barcotic (0-0)

I’ve read a few old Gamble battles from back in the day, the dude has some serious talent ngl. However, I haven’t seen him write anything in quite some time - so I’m not sure where his production level is currently at. Barcotic the legend just gave RB the ultimate pump fake and indirectly set up the NBL for complete success, thank you for that man. I think Barc is either hit or miss these days tbh, one week he’ll drop something crazy dope and the next week he’ll have me rethinking about my entire life. I think Barcotic will take this one though. Barcotic 65/35

Week 2: Zuo (1-0) vs. MV The Demon (0-0)

Man I tried so hard not to have to battle this week lol, I really do not want to participate every week in my own league but I’d rather do that than make someone get stuck in a 3-way. Tbh man I hope you win this, I read some of your stuff on RB and you’re definitely dope. My bad about the whole account not being approved yet bs, I wish there was more I could do but admins are barely around anymore smh. Anyways, I’m gonna definitely give you a run for your money here but good luck and let’s give the fans a show! MZ The Zemon 50/50

Week 2: Blue Bayou (1-0) vs. DynamiCz (1-0)

This is my pick for BOTW right here. Honestly something you wouldn’t really see until the leagues first contenders match or something like that. I know DynamiCz is hungry for blood and wants to face some steep competition, and Blue was unfortunately no shown last week, so he deserves a firm chance to showcase his material. Both dudes definitely have just about even odds at winning here and it can undoubtedly go either way. I hope both drop the MAX this week, and I rarely ever fuckin wish that upon anyone. Looking forward to seeing what happens here, hard to pick a winner right now. I have it at an EVEN SPLIT

Week 2: Saint (1-0) vs. Defiant (1-0)

Saint had a pretty cool little verse last week and managed to snag the win against Mac. Defiant didn’t get to drop a verse considering he got no showed, but I’m hoping he has some stored material that he’s ready to get off his chest. I think Saint will take this one based off of tenure and the fact that he has been consistently battling and hasn’t really missed a beat. Good luck to both but I have Saint 70/30

Week 2: Diablo (1-0) vs. Kill Spree (1-0)

Kill Spree is coming off a big win against Cred, and might have surprised a few people by doing so. It seems like he’s really motivated to be battling right now, and I love to see it. Diablo is also coming off a nice win, but from a pretty easy opponent. Both Diablo and Spree had nice verses last week, this can honestly be anybody’s game. Tough call but I’m gonna go with Kill Spree 55/45

Week 2: Ryno (1-0) vs. Cred (0-1)

Ryno had a pretty solid showing last week against Master Rock, but this week he faces a much tougher opponent in Cred. Cred had an unfortunate loss last week against Kill Spree but definitely look for him to rebound now that some rust has been shaken off. Both of these guys are dope and can drop some insane material, but I’m gonna go ahead and say Cred takes it here. Cred 55/45

Cali Doesn’t Take Cash?

Painting With a Twist by Bags

Throwback Battle

Back by popular demand, we have a battle by Blue Bayou and GUDELJ. Fire battle, an all time favorite.

Originally Posted by Blue Bayou

aka Zelph
aka For Battling



Excuse me officer...
.
.


guys a shy pre-cumming virgin that'll NEVER get to hump w/ a rocket..
soon as a bitch says Hey...Zel Nuts in his pants & he ainttt got none in his pocket
not a pro with the flames, you screwed ur partner & ya flow is to blame..
dunno why Aerated u high cuz that 1st round exit ‘Exposed the Holes’ in ur Game
^ tryna hype ya Cavs line boyyy the lines that u say are shit..
the GOAT let down by his teammate.. NOW we’re realllllly talkin J R Smith
wont quote em hes wack, drops shit this battle's over it's FACT..
i don't think this Piglatin but his wordings so bad u'd SWEAR he wrote it in that
aim the haymakers at ur dome while i beast these lines..
& while i'm bombing with Rights all your bitch ass can do is READ me mine
you're bitchmade but i'll have Shotty's loaded in the van incase..
cuz i'll admit, when it pops-off ur the first one Sprayin'….. a can of Mace
his girl dumped his broke ass many times & stays laughing at em now..
not only does she keep giving Forclosure.. the same things happened to his house
got burners in both hands aimed high & low w/ dead precision..
so when i ‘Draw the Line, there's Two-Dots’ guaranteed to give ya head Division
& you wanna be 'Flo Real' now?! i swear i'll put this herb in a hurse..
cuz i already smashed the real 1 & wont lose to an imposter whose wording is worse

vs.

Originally Posted by GUDELJ

Blue a vet? Bro pls.. I got just the thing to expose this old geek
Then he’ll wanna Sudafed only because he’s been on a cold streak
U’ll get fukn wrecked. I bang chopper after chopper like triple X
Then the ratchet’ll have ur guts all over the pole like stripper sex
Pull up to ur crib w/ killaz. U claimed u were rdy but I knw u were bluffin
the whole crew rides deep blue, see? I’ll have my sharks eat u for nothin
My hoes ready to squeeze. All I gta do is relay the text
Then it’s the Nina.. going off in ur face like an angry ex!
I’ll take yo girl, she’s the target. Whips fly, iono where to park it
Street nigga w/o Abu, rdy to sweep ur princess off her feet like a magic carpet
BIG GUNS. I let it go and watch the heat soar
Unique roar.. then the machine turns into an animal like beast wars
You date the nastiest of whores, my bros run trains & lay pipe
Bro, that hoes been gettin tagged so much we started callin her Amens wife
I’m In the whip w/ my gang & we thump. U a lame w/ no game - u a punk..
Blow the brains out this chump. Elephant shooters.. they’ll let it spray frm the trunk!


F U.

WINNER = GUDELJ

Outro

TEXT IS BACK MF’s!!!! Better start believing it because this shit is back and here to stay. Tell your friends, tag your boys and have your old text battling homies join the NBL because we’re only getting started baby! I’m stoked for this season to progress each week, let’s get it!!!