breathless:
fave line:
Quote:
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Screw smellin' the roses, I'd rather eat the marigolds.
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decent closer/opener, and general flow to the piece.
I'm not a fan of big words as rhymes (as opposed to multisyllabic rhymes with smaller words), as it reads like you opened a thesaurus and just connected them.
Pancake:
the connection to the topic was unexpected and really well done, it took me a second to realize what it was.
fave lines:
Quote:
Crouched in faded jeans,
spraying slouched maître d's with empty shopping bags
who pout "Delaying the Dream"; he popped the caps
like an aerosol fiend, free, sovereign, brash
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flowed well, use of "mannerisms" and "vandalism" I frown upon only because big words, but it worked much better than constantly throwing them in like the other piece.
vote: pancake