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Old 08-15-2014, 02:17 AM   #8
Certain
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19


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Swervation: If you hadn't used "dirt person" in the setup, the opener would have been really good. The personals that followed were a bit too easy, not quite clever enough but also not harsh enough to sting. I liked the electric slide line, though, and the second line about DLB's brother was much stronger than the first. I didn't like the last line at all because I swear I've seen that exact same thing minus "Robin Williams" before. This verse was OK, pretty much standard.

The Power Trip: Your best lines came at the very end, with the prison tag team and the Rob Ryan girl. Starting out with generic fat punches about a guy no one thought would show was offbase. It's not that you shouldn't have dissed hotdogvendorman, but you didn't even start attacking Swerve until a line about him choosing his tag team partners. It was weird. Swerve isn't some nobody, and there's plenty to attack him on. Again, those last two couplets were strong. But the Mexican sex line didn't really make sense, and the Gamble line (everyone has one now?) was worded poorly and not clever. The opener was average. The structure of this verse really threw me off, though, and the lines weren't good enough to make up for it.

Vote: Swervation
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