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Old 12-01-2015, 01:36 AM   #11
UnbornBuddha
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10


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Lol, at blockbuster lines.

Anyways, aside from that musing, this was a nice short battle.

Razah: Did a verse that accomplished what it had to. Nothing overly complex, just reminiscing on the entity we deem music. Feelings that were brought up was this longing for eternity, for timelessness, which is funny considering your opponent is called timeless. I enjoyed it, albeit nothing really was delivered that was new. It just had this feeling of reminisce that is all too common when conveying emotional propagada. Nevertheless, aside from that symptom it was well-written. Using time as the vehicle for escape in terms of ending is perhaps not my preferred choice, especially when immortalizing it in manners that make the topic become superfluous.

Timeless: I enjoyed the poetic tone of this, and "The devil you know, the one who realigns each pattern of breath. Always sees red, even if sometimes green pastures are left" has to be my favorite couplet I have encountered recently. However, there are some mishaps or perhaps preferential dislikes. The ending to me felt too satirical in a way, almost like a bad pun without a pun of course. Although tape and record are obviously different, contrasting them at the end seemed redundant and made the ending end in lesser strength than it could have. As for the actual subject matter, I preferred over your opponent Razah. Albeit, just like another commentator stated: It wasn't fleshed out as it could have been. There seems to be elements missing in the skeleton of the verse, mainly ones that fill in the gaps and make everything more complete. I think the solution was writing more, in order to fulfill the vision that was semi-depicted here.

And so,
Vote: Razah

Thank you both gentleman.
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