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Old 04-12-2016, 10:40 PM   #6
Adverse
low tide in serotonin bay
 
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timeless, I liked your verse, it was simple yet effective, and had a lot of cool imagery, I second that the ending wasn't the best, but I think the strength of the beginning is enough to carry you through that defect.

Buddah, i've never read anything from you prior to this but this verse was mad decent, I just didn't feel connected to it all, whether it be as a story or on a personal level, doesn't make it a bad verse, but I thought your focus was more on the rhymes than the description, idk just my opinion, but I feel like timeless got this one, just a better read overall.

V- timeless
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