Fig: Potentially Dangerous Rapist, or funny little Hispanic?
Interview
PB: Aside from yourself, who do you think has the best chance of winning the tournament? Who do you think could make a surprising run?
Fig: I can see zygote taking it all. He writes like a robot. But maybe bags? Everyone has been, yeah bags oh, oh yeah, bags, wha. So he could. Of course, the talent is really fucking strong in this tourney. Anyone in the top 5 seeding could take it without much shock
PB: What caused you to start playing on netcees? Are you as weird and sordid in real life as you are on this site? How's your dog?
Fig: I mod this little subreddit that is like the OM if the OM sucked. But someone was like, hey this place netcees has way better writers but everyone is a dick. So I was like, shit alright, I guess I'll spend the rest of my life there. Sordid? Fuck you cake. I don't know what that means. I'm normal as fuck. My dog
is fine, I just fucked her.
PB: Who are you favorite writers in the open mic?
Fig: I like split and black. They're conceptually fuckable.
PB: What/who influences/influenced the way you write? Both on and off the site?
Fig: No one influenced me. I hear this hobo mumbling at night and I just write down some things he says.
PB: You recently quit discussion before coming back a few hours later. What did you learn about yourself in that time?
Fig: How tight masaiis grandpa is. Not tight at all.
PB: How do you think the two battlers (nik/bags) will fare in such a stacked topical competition?
Fig: They will lose first round for being inadequate topicalists. They are only battlers.
PB: Please name one person you hate on this website. No explanation necessary.
Fig: You. But that's what makes the sex so good.
PB: Why the horse, and the general obsession with posting animals such as ducks?
Fig: The house represents sexual perversion. The eagle represents my freedom to give in to that perversion. The ducks are just ducks.
PB: Suppose big baby and Certain are forced to fight to the death and you, in turn, are forced to help one. Who do you help and why?
Fig: I would help certain by killing him with baby's leg. Certain is dying inside.
PB: Favorite menu item on taco bell?
Fig: I fucking hate taco bell. I bought one of this shitty failure nacho wraps from there yesterday. I pooped on impact.
PB: List some reasons why you'll win this tournament?
Fig: EAGLHORSE 3-9
PB: Any shout outs/closing remarks?
Fig:Once you go black, your family disowns you. So don't. Peace.
Closing Remarks
Finally
I hope you all enjoyed the magazine. It took some time to complete but hopefully it helps the participants in getting motivated for the first round. Although many claim the site is dead, it keeps moving forward. Hopefully a big tournament like this can be successful and pump a little bit of life into good old Nessy's. Good luck in your opening round match, I look forward to reading and voting on every one.
-Dancake