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Old 09-04-2018, 07:36 PM   #13
Jabari Black
Sun Tzu
 
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 550
Battle Record: 13-6


Champed
- Battle Arena League
- 1-2 Punch League
- Netcees Battle League
- Netcees SOL

Rep Power: 12764495
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U not the best kid, tryna figure out who you messed with
Give em the hands... have you seeing more stars than your fruity check in

(Ehh not a strong start. Dissing the check in isn’t the best angle. It prob woulda been more effective if he directly mentioned stars in the check in)

You a junky, ur girl tweakin & she slurp me like mad pasta
Shawty gave me some Crystal Head, you day drink alone w/ that vodka

(This feels forced because you wouldn’t call good head “crystal head” lol so the punch only works one way. I also thought he end of the punch coulda had a stronger tie in than ‘you say drink alone with that vodka)

Cuz out in public? You dont seek 10's, you meet men
& your Tindr aint the only time we'll find fags in a DM

(This was okay. It’s a bit weird shortening his name to DM because his name is one word. The flip itself was fine)

Only scary part about kid's his smell, walk around u w/ my nose plugged
Cause you don't get under our skin Might, ur just as nasty as those bugs

(This was cool. Might/mite flip is pretty good. Idk the best way to explain this but directly referencing your wp in the punch feels like a bit of a cop out to me - kinda lazy writing. Idk if it’s personal preference but i think it takes more skill to tie it in smoother. Idk if that makes sense but I tried lol)

Came thru w/ the fully auto cuz Dyno always flexin wealth
For fun I'll switch it to semi & leave u in worse shape than Exis health

(Lol, this made me laugh. The flip itself wasn’t crazy but all around this was a good line)

U can bitch all you want, name me a league this whore bossin
You a Lil Baby, we're only replying Yes Indeed in support of your losses

(Cool concept and cool reference. I think the execution was lacking a bit though)

U beating me is funny, nobody thinks D against Dill's fair
Best you can ask for is a Tie Dy, & not those gay shirts that u still wear

(This prob woulda been better but I’ve seen Tie Dy flips. This was okay to me)



Last week you caught Aids .. me I caught a body
Get me pissed and it’s John in a box . Turn you to a port a potty

(Lol this is funny and a good np. I think ‘turn you to a portapotty is lengthy and you could condensed the wording but I like the punch)

never seen the winners circle. 2nd rd ina. Tourney u dunno what it felt like
The “L” brackets your home... which ironically is really hurting your shelf life

(This was just okay. Slight stretch because you wouldn’t call a losers bracket a “L” bracket. Then I don’t think L bracket ‘hurting your shelf life’ is that good of a tie in because the word ‘shelf’ is really the only thing that ties in)

Dentist chair ..put this metal in ya mouth an a tool to spray ya
This dude a hater ... mess wit the bull and get the horns in ya chest like a tuba player

(Hmm this is is somewhere between eh and okay. You took two played concepts but elevated them a bit. Dentist, metal in your mouth is played but the tool to spray you elevated it. I wanna like the second line. I’ve heart metal/trombone/tuba flips. I haven’t heard horn flips but I also think you made that up lol. Could be wrong but I don’t think a horn is a thing...pm me or call me out when this is close if it is lol)

I kill the whole team then shoot the boss straight in his center
Cap the leader of the squad too bad won’t nobody be there to avenge ya

(This was pretty cool. You kinda fumble he wording at the end. The concept carries this though. Cap the leader is good.)

One pistol in each hands .. so u and all the homies can share pain
I’m Running up.. arms out on each side like little kids playing airplane

(Lmao this was basic but I’m giving you this. This landed)

Two shots for everybody’s face.. til the paint and the brains blend
This murder sprees a scooby doo season u all get the same end

(Lol I think this is a bit basic but also an element of creativity to it. Prob needed to do a bit more or have one or two more tie ins. This isn’t bad)

Trying to commit suicide by battling me is pretty unhealthy
Guess John was feeling kamikaze way before he heard one track on the Lp

(Once again this was basic. Needed a bit more to the flip. I don’t think it was bad though - this is okay)


Good battle. JD is witty and had a lot of creative concepts. I do think he had some bars where the execution coulda been a lot smoother and he coulda tied the punch into the wp better.

Dyno had a variety bars. Some stuff came off as basic but he understands how to craft a punch. I don’t think he has the cleanest pen but he had some stand out and memorable punches.

Good battle but I think Dynomight took this

Mvgt Dynomight
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