[Zuo]

NBL Week 3 Mag: My Bussy Hurts wahhh

Introduction

First and foremost, shoutout to all the dudes who got noshowed this week, yet still dropped dope verses - you guys are the MVPs. I want to thank you all for making an impact on the second week of this NBL season, definitely couldn’t have done it without the help and dedication of you guys. Yeah sure, some of you guys disappointed me but for the most part I think it was a good turnout for the second week. This week has a good amount of dope ass matchups like forreal, it was hard not to line some of these people up together. It’s almost all done by rankings and that’s the fun part. Another thing I’d like to address is Pharaohs Army, man you are fucking retarded and it’s pitiful to watch. It’s like you can’t help yourself but to constantly type up a bunch of nonsense that nobody gives a fuck about or takes the time to read. Get a fuckin life dude. Maybe if you weren’t so dedicated to trying to infect the NBL forum with all your spamming, things would be different for you but no, I’m watching you. Let’s see if you can contain yourself this week you sick fuck. Fuck you.

Battle Reviews

NBL S17 PRESENTS: THE HELMET BOWL 2023 - Pharaohs Army vs. Master Rock

Yeah so this was underwhelming, not sure what I expected from this batch of fagits but @Cereal is a pussy ass bitch for ducking talmbout 5 thousand dollar laptop lmao stfu. Anyways, Master Rock won this one pretty easily because Pharoah doesn’t know what is 2 + 2 and has no talent at all. Get a fuckin life.

Week 2: R!canTheoryz (0-1) vs. Mac (0-1)

Cool battle here and a very close one at that. Both only had 1 clear miss in my opinion and it was quite tough to vote on. Rican had a lot of decent bars and nothing that I would really consider haymaker quality. Mac had a couple good lines along with some decent one. Good showing from both but Mac ended up taking a well deserved W.

Week 2: Lyfzaa Gamble (0-0) vs. Barcotic (0-0)

Another good battle right here. I wasn’t sure what to expect from either one but when I saw Barc drop and I read his verse, I thought to myself damn that’s a different barc - good shit. Gamble had some good lines like his opener and closer, but was visibly rusty and should be in better form this week. Barc really showed up and I’m excited to see what he drops vs. Fracture. Good shit both of you but Barc hit it out the park with this one.

Week 2: Blue Bayou (1-0) vs. DynamiCz (1-0)

First and foremost, man it really is good to see some of these old names coming back home to battle. I thought both dudes dropped some pretty good material in this battle right here, I just honestly had a hard time picking a winner. Blue didn’t come as harsh as I thought he would, and dyna had a s&f heavy verse. None of it was bad from either guy, but I guess the crowd enjoyed Blue’s verse better - thus affording him the win.

Week 2: Saint (1-0) vs. Defiant (1-0)

I was honestly afraid this battle was about to not happen, but I’m relieved and glad that it did. Saint had some good lines and he really brought a show for all the fans. Huge fan base. They love Saint. Huge. Dick. Defiant, I’m glad you showed but I swear on everything if you go another week without dropping any votes I’m gonna lose my mind. It’s not that hard bro lmao. Aside from that, your verse was ok - definitely had a lot of ideas and concepts, just gotta work on impact that’s all. Good showing but Saint took this pretty handily.

Top Punches of Week 2

Originally Posted by Wordz Ahgod

I mush rappers on tracks, anything from this bum is forced
Getting too old to run circles. I'll cut off ur legs n let the blood run its course.

Originally Posted by Ryno

He ain’t a killer w/ sigs. I’ll send em to a new world. Rys a sinner, u dig…
Homie I stretch marks, his body won’t look the same once I deliver this kid!

Originally Posted by Barcotic

Peering outside with tecs, its byebye if the heat shoot
Yall are welcome to backgammon youll get sidelined with a piece too

Originally Posted by Saint

Fam connects: This fatass in bed atta 1,000 pounds
His uplifting support system's a crane & harness to get 'em out the house

Originally Posted by Diablo

lmao this faggots a mess, fatso got ham rolls on the back of his neck
looking like Triple H if the only tables he went thru were buffet ones at family events

Originally Posted by Blue Bayou

what's that discharge leaking from her puss?! no way that sad slit is pleasant
i'm more terrified of What's in the Box than Brad Pitt in Seven

Predictions

Week 3: Saint (2-0) vs. Ryno (2-0)

This is the first battle in a steak of dope ones that are ready to go off this week. Both of these guys have been dropping fire this season. Ryno was unfortunately no showed last week but either way, he had a dope ass verse that would have been hard to top. Saint is coming off a fairly easy with against Defiant that didn’t really require too much out of the bag. Both guys have the potential to win, tough call tbh but….I’m gonna say Ryno in an upset. Ryno 55/45

Week 3: Blue Bayou (2-0) vs. Diablo (2-0)

Another matchup that has BOTW potential. Both guys are undoubtedly dope and are poised for great things this season. Blue Bayou is coming off a big win against DynamiCz, and had a lot of solid material in that one. Diablo is coming off a no show victory against that soft ass no showing fagit Kill Spree, but nonetheless had a nice verse there too. This can be anyone’s game but I’m going with the tried and true Blue Bayou 60/40

Week 3: Wordz Ahgod (1-0) vs. DynamiCz (1-1)

Now i am really looking forward to this one right here. Last week was the first time I read anything from words of god and I must say this dude is pretty damn fire. DynamiCz was close to beating blue bayou but didn’t end up snagging it. I need to see more from words of god in order to say he’s consistently good. DynamiCz on the other hand has hardly disappointed me. This is another one that can be a close call but I’m going with DynamiCz 55/45

Week 3: Barcotic (1-0) vs. Fracture (0-0)

Week 3: Sinacog (1-0) vs. Master Rock (1-1)

Good luck to both but Ima go with Master Rock

Week 3: Defiant (1-1) vs. Mac (1-1)

This has potential to be a cute little battle between both parties. Defiant joined in 2008 and is still getting his feet wet, still getting the grasp of things, and still hasn’t figured out how to vote. Mac turned up the head a tad bit last week and will probably take this one. Good luck to both and it can go either way but I have Mac 60/40

Week 3: White LGI (0-0) vs. Quill (0-0)

White LGI is a fucking dumbass who tricked me into letting him join. Quill I have no idea what alias you are but whatever, I doubt he’s gonna show. Fuck this battle all together but I hope Quill wins. Quill 70/30

Week 3: Lyfzaa Gamble (0-1) vs. Unfukwitable (0-1)

I like this matchup right here, the boy Gamble is just getting back into the swing of things and if he plays his cards right then I can definitely see him taking this one home. He dropped pretty good for a comeback verse last week but wasn’t able to come up with the W. Unfukwitable is a good battler but has tendencies to no show, which truly saddened my soul. This will be one to watch out for and I’m gonna call it an honest draw. 50/50 SPLIT

Week 3: R!canTheoryz (0-2) vs. Pharaohs Army (0-2)

I hope Rican rips your fucking throat out you cocksucking sumbitch pharaoh. I’m assuming you dropped the maximum amount already and if the gods are good, at least one of those bars will be enjoyable. Rican has been pretty decent so far this season and I can certainly see him winning this one with ease. But this is the NBL and crazy things tend to happen. Rican 80/20

Throwback Battle

Due to popular demand, we have an old NBL battle back from 2018 of Alvin Karpis vs. For Battling.

Originally Posted by Alvin Karpis

Lol I can’t imagine the hoes you pull, bet ya last ex was somethin dirty
I should be handing out For XLs and I don’t mean my fuckin jersey
That FBI line made Cronus ghost but no pitty though for dude
We watched C left, and it’s still haunting us in every video you do
That lip makes me cringe, I bet you get depressed when you bite
Stop wonderin Wyclef isn’t gone till November, it’s with you the rest of your life
& you’re that soft, ya face make me laugh dawg so hats off
No one will EVER share a drink with you.... quit blaming it on backwash
The fact is. it’s that’s sick, mr half lip aint jack shit
I bet your idea of a winter classic is savin a ton on chapstick
Your NBL run consisted of retards bangin toys that send slugs
From now on For season’s more like a super 8 w/ bed bugs....

Vs.

Originally Posted by For Battling

For yrs u were a ghost around the net. They told me Al was a soldier w/ the tec
Bout time that we met, but these extended arms at ur door aren’t to welcome home a vet
I’m a pro w/ the tools. Real quiet. He’ll swear that no1’s around
Operation game, I’m removing every bone from this mans body w/o making a sound
Al’s past his prime, even started the league on a losing streak
So why blast the 9? We’re already left w/ a shell of what you used to be
Told ur wife I have 1 rule. Do what I say or I’ll bust tools
Either she hides it in her ass, or I’ll force rounds down her throat like a drug mule
Had a short run as a legend, now ur straight trash to me
Bro...that sick spell only lasted about 3 months like a Bags disease
ur mad cuz ur girl dipped. She finally realized u weren’t worth shit
Now there’s a Nina on ur dirt lips.. ready to make sparks fly like a first kiss!

WINNER = FOR BATTLING

Outro

Thanks for tuning in to this weeks edition of the NBL mag, text is back. Better start believing it because this shit is back and here to stay. Tell your friends, tag your boys and have your old text battling homies join the NBL because we’re only getting started baby! I’m stoked for this season to progress each week, let’s get it!!!