Mike wrecka --started off very solid IMO -- I wish you would've continued the rhyme scheme instead of dropping it and going a simpler route. If you're going to rhyme couplets make sure they transition in a balanced time setting -- here I thought the rhyme was a little keyish towards the latter end. This verse reminded me of a earlier genocide verse where he just described the picture -- flat out -- not a fan of those approaches. Metaphor -- moral -- something to go beyond the picture is what I typically enjoy as a reader. This verse started off raw then got lazy -- if your capable of rhyming couplets -- rhyming 2 to 4 bars at a time starts looking like newb shit.
Witty --This verse was smoothly written -- cadence never waivered --I envisioned the picture you had conveyed through your interpretation. Where Mike I felt like I needed to scroll up to get the line -- almost like a picture book. Detective-like writing. I think Witty captured the theme of the picture better, where Mike described it to a T better.
I enjoyed Witty's verse much more -- Vote goes to witty
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