[Ink]

Vivid: That was a cool bar to start your piece with. I liked the verse in their components, but wish you found a more integrated way to introduce the different topics you tried to incorporate.. It took me out of the flow of things and made me stop to reorient myself.. In general though, it was a fun approach that you took here. Way to start off with a topic most people would manifest into a really heavy verse and make it lighthearted

King Ra: Considering the lines prior, and the lines following, "I've lost all hope, this shit has me upset." felt unnecessary. In general I felt like I was reading the sparknotes version of the verse you actually wanted to write... The story went at a good pace, but there was a lack of depth... Some quick details of how each person left and then poof, the characters own death..

There were things I liked and disliked about both verses... though a bit disjointed, I'm going to edge it to vivid for his creative angle on the topics.

Vote: Vivid