[Pinot Grij]

Cimmerian - your trademark complex simplicity at work again. Last week, I don't think it was that effective, but this is a strong piece of work.

You, in view, drenched in a rose colored bloom
At sunset our steps silhouette the avenue
^^^imagery is ridiculous - unmatched in this league

Moons ago we met, two molecules passing through
Complex in design, my approach: rather casual
^^^this I think misses a bit - the off-rhyme between "passing through" and "casual" is not as much of a problem as the awkward drawing together of "complex" and "casual" - I don't think it had the intended effect.

A relationship set sail, smitten by our ways
Crashing into bedsheets, cresting with the waves
^^^ the imagery, once again, off the chains. you describe such vivid, evocative scenes in such a minimalist manner. It's a talent that is unmatched.

A storybook beginning leapt up from a page
But in time, a fine wine can sour from its age
Sentiment to sediment, we’ve taken for granite—
The soft sweet nothings. Habits set in stone tablets
^^^the "page/age" rhyme seems awkward with the lead-ins "leapt up from a page" - begins to read like a multi-syllabic rhyme.. and then getting to "sour from its age" kind of jerked me out of the anticipated scheme. Nevertheless. Sentiment to sediment is dope af. taken for granite. dope af. Habits set in stone tablets. Dope af. You adequately describe the eventual descent of a stale relationship in a mere 4 brief lines.

Chiseled away 'til there was nothing to keep
We meet down at the café, our usual seats
Reminiscing as lamplight litters the street
Coffee sips to the lips—the bitter and sweet
^^^ These as well are sensational. The "usual seats" puts the reader within the storyline.. it makes it feel familiar. and the bitter and sweet both describing the taste of the coffee and the reminiscence of a love gone wrong.

I thought the closer was a little bland given what a solid ride this verse provided. It was a bit of a letdown.

pent up

His red nose and huge shoes made him famous with children,
but other roles in his crew remained heinous with villains.
With a burglar, some monsters and staff that emerged as imposters,
Ron had to turn more conscious for remaining consistent.

Ok, trying to follow along - it seems like you're describing a clown that has links to the underground. The non-rhyme in the last couplet here is difficult. Not the strongest of starts, imo.

In doing this, he changed his vision from the gimmicks and toys.
No more hat tricks and dime store magic to suspend girls and boys.
^^^Ok, back on track. Hat tricks and magic is a good inside-rhyme. gimmicks and toys and girls and boys is a non-multi that I don't mind because every word of it is important to your scene-setting.

Division employed better options for the bread with some style
as they competed against a red head and a big headed smile.
To stay in the lead, replacing the team with Hispanic moms made him more green.
To chase with sweet tea, he made chicken feet into tastier treats.
Ron killed his competitors, even chopped the head off the king.
^^^Ok, there's a lack of focus here. I'm expecting to get more detail on your character, as I feel there's still a bit of mystery around exactly who he is and what he does... but you're delving deeper into the narrative while I'm still trying to get my head around it.

Then put a pickle in his neck with some lettuce and cheese.
This led to more beef as he became the clown that was worshipped
^^^Oh fuck, you're talking about Ronald McDonald! And his cast of crazy characters!! Man, if you had called him "Ronald" and not "Ron" in Line 4, I would've caught on a lot earlier.

and spread through the streets around the world so every town was his circus.
Surrounding the surface, allowing his purpose to rule over carnival circuits.
^^^Dope multis.

His grimace was hidden because the addictions he's giving comes with a fountain of syrup.
The fame and fortune became enormous and made his performance at home
into an absent husband and father in the course for the throne.
^^^Running on a bit here - and I'm struggling to find the scheme.

This tortured his soul even more and he was forced to explode
as he walked into his castle following the source of some moans.
"source of some moans" is a bit awkwardly worded.

Kicking the door open, his wife is in bed getting piled.
Bending her back is his enemy Jack, the big head with a smile.
So because Ronald McDonald became an explorer and reigned as enforcer,
he created this horror by having his time saved up for war,
which made more space to absorb what his lady adores
so Jack put it in her box and it's not made 'til she orders.

Maaaaaaan, this is a hilarious concept!!! Ronald McDonald's wife leaves him for Jack in the Box because he's too busy trying to build his empire! Fuuuuck, honestly dude - I wish this was far more straightforward in the beginning - that way you could've worked in a lot more laughs along the way. As you can tell from my breakdown, I basically gave input as I read - and from what I read, it took me a while to catch on. IF that was clear from the beginning - I think it would've been a great deal more enjoyable. In addition to this unraveling mystery in your piece - I think there were some mechanics issues as well, as I've outlined. If this was a more crisp, coherent story - I could see it prevailing easily.

Overall, I vote for Cimmerian. His crisp, brisk wording and engaging story came across stronger than Pent's unfocused look at Ronald McDonald's life as a crime boss.