[oats]

Black: you brought her to life in vivid, three-dimensional detail. Not only the character, but the atmosphere around her. This is at least 3 girls I know rolled into one. The line that stuck out most to me was "love without a name for it, 16 with a license." That's it, exactly. There was a wind of youthful excitement and emotional adventure (love, just before you really knew what that meant) that ran through this, albeit in the shadows of depression and realization of how pointless and heavy life can be. Not to be cliche, but this was a true coming of age story in many ways, which resonates with me deeply. Told from the perspective of a friend-zoned crush. Idk, I thought this was near-perfect. A very sad, very real, and genuine adolescent experience. Beautiful.



Nigma: The first thing that stuck out was the rhyme scheme and cadence, very rhythmic and fun to read. The bounciness, however, moved me a long pretty swiftly, and it was sometimes disorienting. Like this first part:

the ripples rough, im left quivering in percussion
came slithering in from nothing. strains quilted in a pop
from grains of dust my frames construction came abrupt
decayed from such outrageous love, the bass, it fades
and rays erupt ablaze, the couple mates and sucks my cadence
On to aching, cradle, baby stuff

don't get me wrong, this was dope to read, but I had a hard time making sense of it all. Not just as a whole section, but even individual pieces of it were too blurry to create a vivid image for me - I don't know what to make of "strains quilted in a pop," for example.

That same issue repeated itself for me. At first I thought this was about a pregnant, young girl smoking, then I figured this to be a comment on tobacco advertisements and their effects on young people, and the final part felt like a call to arms to take down the tobacco industry. Overall it just didn't feel like a single, fluid piece - I was hoping you'd spend some time at the end wrapping it all together somehow, but it just kinda screeched to a halt.



Vote: I got Black taking this. Nigma's verse never took off for me. Whereas Black's imagery was vivid and real, Nigma's never anchored enough for me to grasp it fully. Good work to both men.