KINDLY WATCH THE FUCK OUT

Nigma · 03-28-2014, 12:25 AM

The mysterious man enters, he’s delirious
Look! See? The veneer on his hooked teeth???
Appeared with a book, seized a lad by the hand
Like a battering ram the fangs deep and the juice leaks
Chewed out creases that lesion his cheeks leaving loose meat
The screaming consumes E and the savage advances
Then ravaged the gash till its tearing up puke green, and
Free runs the smear from the goop leaked from both ears to his shook feet
And when his delirium took speed, it mirrored the book scene
LOOK! SEE?? He’s happy as Dracula eating period pussy!

Fig · 03-28-2014, 01:06 AM

ew

Nigma · 03-28-2014, 11:39 PM

ty bro

Frank · 03-29-2014, 04:18 AM

Dracula eating period pussy

Dope

Nigma · 04-02-2014, 03:25 PM

Ty Franklin. We are friends

david stern razor burns · 04-03-2014, 12:35 AM

This was interesting. A little weird, obviously. Content was quite strange. There were a few parts I didn't understand though:

"Like a battering ram the fangs deep and the juice leaks"

I don't remember a battering ram having fangs, or "juice" per se. Maybe if you mean like the hydraulic fluid is the juice? And I suppose that could be what's leaking. But then it would have to be a malfunctioning battering ram, which you didn't mention.

Sorry Nigma, not trying to be an asshole purposely but that line just stood out because it seemed extremely forced. I actually thought a lot of this verse seemed forced to be honest. I've seen much better work from you, and so have we all, this was clearly just a quick drop for fun...So do what you gotta do, but I will always offer my sincerest feedback regardless. Last line about Dracula period pussy was a little off-putting coming from you. I could have pictured Wise Ways saying that rather than you.
Rhymes, flow and scheming were obviously the star of this verse. Beyond that it was a tad thin. Please see my 2 posts in open mic, I would be curious to see what you think of them. The first one was titled pneumoniacolonoscopymononucleosisississippi, it was in response to daymon blades razor waynes response to your original. Also, I am about to post a new entry. Thanks!

03-28-2014, 12:25 AM	#1
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,724 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595810	KINDLY WATCH THE FUCK OUT The mysterious man enters, he’s delirious Look! See? The veneer on his hooked teeth??? Appeared with a book, seized a lad by the hand Like a battering ram the fangs deep and the juice leaks Chewed out creases that lesion his cheeks leaving loose meat The screaming consumes E and the savage advances Then ravaged the gash till its tearing up puke green, and Free runs the smear from the goop leaked from both ears to his shook feet And when his delirium took speed, it mirrored the book scene LOOK! SEE?? He’s happy as Dracula eating period pussy! __________________

03-28-2014, 01:06 AM	#2
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,473 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181559	ew __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

03-28-2014, 11:39 PM	#3
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,724 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595810	ty bro __________________

03-29-2014, 04:18 AM	#4
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853343	Dracula eating period pussy Dope __________________ *VETWORK*

04-02-2014, 03:25 PM	#5
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,724 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595810	Ty Franklin. We are friends __________________

04-03-2014, 12:35 AM	#6
david stern razor burns with razor spurs Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: At David Blaine's favorite place with David Spade and Macy Gray Posts: 87 Rep Power: 3750187	This was interesting. A little weird, obviously. Content was quite strange. There were a few parts I didn't understand though: "Like a battering ram the fangs deep and the juice leaks" I don't remember a battering ram having fangs, or "juice" per se. Maybe if you mean like the hydraulic fluid is the juice? And I suppose that could be what's leaking. But then it would have to be a malfunctioning battering ram, which you didn't mention. Sorry Nigma, not trying to be an asshole purposely but that line just stood out because it seemed extremely forced. I actually thought a lot of this verse seemed forced to be honest. I've seen much better work from you, and so have we all, this was clearly just a quick drop for fun...So do what you gotta do, but I will always offer my sincerest feedback regardless. Last line about Dracula period pussy was a little off-putting coming from you. I could have pictured Wise Ways saying that rather than you. Rhymes, flow and scheming were obviously the star of this verse. Beyond that it was a tad thin. Please see my 2 posts in open mic, I would be curious to see what you think of them. The first one was titled pneumoniacolonoscopymononucleosisississippi, it was in response to daymon blades razor waynes response to your original. Also, I am about to post a new entry. Thanks!