Syphoning Gas Through My Breathing Aparatus.

Geno · 06-14-2014, 08:27 AM

My whip game is nascar, bitches name is that broad
Got a pasport from madagascar, all the way through alaska
Atom smasha, built my rep off a notepad like dizaster
Syphon gas through my breathing aparatus, I write the kasbaa
Team player to you mascots, bad ass god of the nation
Stop stipulation, you are not hip hop if you basic
Got a swastika book for amusement, gothika music
Not as reclusive, back, dope as fuck, what a rastaa induces
Play possum, raccoon slick, you won't see me coming
High voltage, the shock will turn ghost your beloved
Fuck it, I call my glock nine comatoast, its an oven
Never cared much, bring the gun, carry that shit in public
The attachments the ones that the military issues
Left ill and came back, I'm still a very sick dude
The feeling that you get due to wittnessing a death
And I've killed so many people, there isnt victims left
Got a kitchen set of twelve knives, bodies slowly trimmed
Can't walk accross the room without falling over limbs

david stern razor burns · 06-15-2014, 03:24 AM

Hello Genocide, this was another well written audio verse. You really have the concept mastered. Hopefully you're saving all of your written texts to be recorded one day, I would like to hear a lot of these as a real track. The verse itself although technically solid was slightly confusing to me content wise. You had commented earlier in my verse that you couldn't relate because you never had money for the nice cars etc. but then your very first line was about your whip and you continued to mention Madagascar passports, tripping over dead bodies and killing people. I guess to me it just felt phony because you don't normally write like this and I almost felt cheated and let down that you just made up some fictional content to fill your verse with. Again, the writing itself was great but this subject matter didn't seem to fit you.

Geno · 06-15-2014, 09:58 AM

true shit, thanks for the honesty. i think the criticism i recieve in some of my other works drives me to try different ideas and it always seems to go back into a darker side of me that feels more my own self i.e. ..the dead bodies on the floor.

tried to open in a not so predictable way. a lot of confusion happens when you try to please readers. the thing is, not all the readers feel the same. i guess what really needs to happen is this.. whatever your comfortable with -wherever writing takes. you should go there. dont always change up due to what you criticism leads you to believe may be the way to go. if changing yourself to make someone else happy is what the message delivers, then its probably not the message you should pay most attention to. allthough i do find inspiration in a critique that tells me to vary my writing, i also find the most struggle when i try to do it. this one -just wasnt the route to go. kind of just writing for the sake of writing.

the beginning may not have been me. but the rest most certainly was. thanks

Kin · 06-15-2014, 10:31 PM

gothika music
Not as reclusive, back, dope as fuck, what a rastaa induces

rhyme scheme on point once again..

shit kept gettin' darker an darker as far as ya content as it neared the end....I can tell thats your comfort zone...you create some good imagery wit' that genre..

smooth read here...all good thingz man

HoLLa

06-14-2014, 08:27 AM	#1
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Syphoning Gas Through My Breathing Aparatus. My whip game is nascar, bitches name is that broad Got a pasport from madagascar, all the way through alaska Atom smasha, built my rep off a notepad like dizaster Syphon gas through my breathing aparatus, I write the kasbaa Team player to you mascots, bad ass god of the nation Stop stipulation, you are not hip hop if you basic Got a swastika book for amusement, gothika music Not as reclusive, back, dope as fuck, what a rastaa induces Play possum, raccoon slick, you won't see me coming High voltage, the shock will turn ghost your beloved Fuck it, I call my glock nine comatoast, its an oven Never cared much, bring the gun, carry that shit in public The attachments the ones that the military issues Left ill and came back, I'm still a very sick dude The feeling that you get due to wittnessing a death And I've killed so many people, there isnt victims left Got a kitchen set of twelve knives, bodies slowly trimmed Can't walk accross the room without falling over limbs __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

06-15-2014, 09:58 AM	#3
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	true shit, thanks for the honesty. i think the criticism i recieve in some of my other works drives me to try different ideas and it always seems to go back into a darker side of me that feels more my own self i.e. ..the dead bodies on the floor. tried to open in a not so predictable way. a lot of confusion happens when you try to please readers. the thing is, not all the readers feel the same. i guess what really needs to happen is this.. whatever your comfortable with -wherever writing takes. you should go there. dont always change up due to what you criticism leads you to believe may be the way to go. if changing yourself to make someone else happy is what the message delivers, then its probably not the message you should pay most attention to. allthough i do find inspiration in a critique that tells me to vary my writing, i also find the most struggle when i try to do it. this one -just wasnt the route to go. kind of just writing for the sake of writing. the beginning may not have been me. but the rest most certainly was. thanks __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

06-15-2014, 03:24 AM	#2
david stern razor burns with razor spurs Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: At David Blaine's favorite place with David Spade and Macy Gray Posts: 87 Rep Power: 3750187	Hello Genocide, this was another well written audio verse. You really have the concept mastered. Hopefully you're saving all of your written texts to be recorded one day, I would like to hear a lot of these as a real track. The verse itself although technically solid was slightly confusing to me content wise. You had commented earlier in my verse that you couldn't relate because you never had money for the nice cars etc. but then your very first line was about your whip and you continued to mention Madagascar passports, tripping over dead bodies and killing people. I guess to me it just felt phony because you don't normally write like this and I almost felt cheated and let down that you just made up some fictional content to fill your verse with. Again, the writing itself was great but this subject matter didn't seem to fit you.

06-15-2014, 10:31 PM	#4
Kin Kill.It.Nonstop Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 666 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 662198	gothika music Not as reclusive, back, dope as fuck, what a rastaa induces rhyme scheme on point once again.. shit kept gettin' darker an darker as far as ya content as it neared the end....I can tell thats your comfort zone...you create some good imagery wit' that genre.. smooth read here...all good thingz man HoLLa