"Quantum Meruit"

[Frank]

The auditorium is packed with first year students reporting for class
José’s’ book bags empty – Jansport on his back –
The same book bag he had through high school; contorted, the straps - historically black
Going back to school in late August is wack.
Especially for a Quantum Physics class you signed up for only cause the other courses were maxed.
José sat in the back, far left corner – next to the door – on the next floor – in the back
The professor cordially asks the audience/class if their August was a blast – and hoarsely laughs – choking on dust from the chalk boards – poorly stored in wraps -
old scores still visible from the erasers back and forth attack
– wet cloth –
69, 93, 74…..40… Evaporating before the class on the boards shellac.

José was an honor student from a farm town – north on the map
He came from a school of 2000 students – graduated 4th in his class.
His parents worked him like the fields – forced him to adapt;
Every important task; tracking his progress like the corn field thorns in the patch.
He was accepted to Universidad de Barcelona; his family deported him
At last. .
José was going to college, first in the family
– go forge with the frats'
His little sister says – "I’m taking your room" like an adorable brat
Over 50 thousand students on campus now he's just a dwarf in the back.
Former Valedictorian - now he’s no more than a slack.
. .
These mathematical formulations are abstract.................

The quantization of energy levels follows from this constraint on k and cause a
. . .
. .
Crap.
He's snoring
Awoken by an amplified voice
He yawns from his nap
"Mr. José Couvades – are you bored already – perhaps you should be escorted from the class."
José shouted something in Spanish – and 50 students joined together in courtship and laughed
.

Today we’re going to have a pop quiz – its short and it’s fast.
If you fail, we’ll place you in remedial and your scholarships will be stored in the trash
Have a number # 2 pencil - start by filling your name in the form –
And don't forge it" - he yaps
"I’m providing you with scrap paper" and hands out an enormous stack.
The whole auditorium sorts and pass, sorts and pass.
. .
José can't afford to fail so he resorted to tactics to assure that he pass.
It wasn’t cheating, more of a pact –
By any means necessary –
sworn in a tat; surrounded by Chinese letters; foreign, in fact -
José never passed a test on his own merit – he relied on the performance of the dork in the back.
the dork reporting the stats.
If the answers C; that's morse code for a tap.
3, each one informing, distorted - in the auditoriums back.
. .
José asks the kid with glasses, if he could copy
“por favor
Please- I am poor at math."
..
The Quantum physics professor ignores the chat -
. .
"Quantum Meruit?– “how much?”
. .
.
"40 cash."
The dork laughs.
Shortly after the quantum physics professor grades the papers; Jose sees his score and reacts.
The Teacher writes
. . .
“what one has earned, is more or less, what they can't afford -
You passed."
..
Only your name isn't Jorge Garcia -

Who forged that?

answers -
name -
all exact.

[Vulgar]

Entertaining but sort of a chore to read. The rhyme scheme gets tired for me, like you're stretching Saran wrap over a long expansive field...that's the sensation this drawn out scheme leaves me with.. however, it is a testament to both your stubbornness and your skill that you stick to this weapon of yours, even if the nomenclature may be a little unfurnished. I thought this was a cool verse. The scenario wasn't really wholly convincing but the part where he fell asleep and the teacher woke him up & then called him out - everyone can relate to that who has snoozed within a dusty, quiet classroom. That was neat. Mechanically, far from perfect. Creatively, you pulled something innovative from your bag of tricks.

Thanks for the read.

Keep doing you

[Frank]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

Mechanically, far from perfect.

everybodys a mechanic lol.

appreciate the read and reply on behalf of the forum.

[Vulgar]

I really am though. Aircrew flight equipment in the Airforce lol.. carry on.

[Frank]

pLEASE Elaborate... I'M RUSTY?

I gotta screw loose? what lol

[PancakeBrah]

Your opinion that rhyme schemes switching up 'too much' as a negative is the opposite of mine. Carrying on a rhyme scheme just seems so forced, even if in a vacuum the rhymes themselves in couplets aren't. You do it better than most, but I dislike it.

I enjoy your writing, though, and this was no exception.

[Geno]

Thought this was layed out pretty dope honestly.
Frank, you've always been good at flipping s@chemes nicely. The story held a lot of detail as far as surroundings go, I dug that. Story wasn't the most exciting tbh. But the technicals and talent made it a good read.
Props, good to see your shit again

[Lost in Thought]

I liked the work behind keeping it in the same rhyme scheme when it isn't nonsense just to rhyme. shows a lil more effort and time and can be done very well. I think you did good. some of the flow was off. but good story. had begininig middle end. problem, plot and climax. Antagonist and the protagonist that your forced to relate with.

[Eŋg]

this was a pretty cool story joint, vantage was like fly on the wall steada removed narrator, lil diff. but you did that pretty well. imo the extended #scheme# is contrived af. i can sit there as a guy who writes raps on forums, and that alone, and think -- yo that is so incredibly dope how do you do this. then i can sit here as a (pretentious) writer and suggest you didn't allow the organic quality of your inspiration any hope of flourishing.

objectively, i just think it's counter intuitive. cool exercise, though. you tell stories well, reminds me of esmerelda or wtf ever that other joint was called. pops was a junkie. format all torn up.

pz