Week 3 - Frank (1-1) vs. YDK (1-1) - FRANK WINS 7-0

[Certain]

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic




Good Luck @YDK @Frank

[YDK]

I've seen regimes rise and fall
since my schemes derived all from Tang.
I arrived along with a bang;
Cut by the seams described; Tongchang.
I've caused many men to perish hidden distant in time,
I gave you faith when others suffered; so I tripled your dime.
Crippled by selfishness i'll drive a spade through your heart,
With the promise of diamonds that I gave from the start.
You couldn't count the amount of blood I'm responsible for shedding,
But I never lifted a finger yet i lingered amongst the betting.
I've forced rational men to lie, acted brash, of course they died.
Left alone in their own sorrow, got divorced but more survived.
I created your heros, myths were spawned from my legends,
From Billy the kid to Julius ceasar all wrongs came to amends.
I've devalued kings and queens; knaves were never. brave enough,
They have all fell victim to a bluff of a family more pure in flush.
Consumed by need I've tolerated smokey rooms and weed,
Till I lay face down on the floor desperate and doomed by greed.
Scattered, emotionless, I congregated with evil,
Elated to meet new people with motives unnoticed; deceitful.
I've been at the bottoms of oceans and most planes in the sky,
You'll never speak to somebody's more estranged than I.
Now I'll resume my tomb like rest in a box with 4 sides,
My life, as a deck of cards, will continue for pride.

[Frank]

" Ay Frank , How bout one more for the road......"



"I'm all in..."




"....that a boy!"


Shuffled the cards, musty gust blew from the arm pit
It puzzled the guards.. nostrils flarin’ in the lagoon of the arch men.
In a room full of watchmen with a view of a marksmen;
Living life in the bulls eye zoom from the dark end
A target..
''I aint convinced I’m a convict..
In conflict with the grimiest cons on the continent..."
consequence in each contest
He said "I got five maybe six and a poss, shiit.. lets just say 6 books
Oh and Frank.. I needa copy of your 6th book"
Deal again I got 10 someone else said reshuffling
kings and queens like a fairytale flip-book
"Yous a slick crook!...
the way you convinced the judge get you off the hook without a nick..."
Felt I had it good.. like their lawyers got gypped/juxed
These weren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed,
just some state pens that dripped when they slit you
If they get you, they smile you with a swift swoop
My slice of the pie got the next guy swiping,
I got ride or die issues
I was jumped in this jump suit, blow the whistle you don't hear the scars
Or see me reflecting on hard times, holding mirrors through these bars....
In Spofford when the martyrs, I listened to were conquered
Ball and chain on Christmas day presenting skip it to my daughter.....
Sitting with your thoughts they say misery loves company in its quarters
Started these calendars so long ago Mayans discussed with me they be shorter
I'm sure If I wasn't a snorter I’d be smelling shore water
"Order in the court!",
"Can I take your order?"
playing over like a reporters recorder in my skull…
"count the score up!!!"
Broke my daydream
TABLE WAS SLAMMED
Upset, slammed the deck like a tidal wave naval command
Cards like superman-flying trying to save you and cradle the land
with a clear shot of hearts, cupid pulled something fatal from his band
Nine of diamonds blinded him, with Draino from the damned
Little jokers cuttin’ a hundred degrees like a molten man
Medulla Oblongata spilling lava from a molded can
cold hearts, melting puddles where the frozen ran
Gambit throwing hands... cool as a Japanese folding fan


I remember feeding pelicans fish off the pier
Being moved from Rikers to pelican bay, feeling that fish fear as it went thru the air
I just killed a man over bags, I'd have packed in a year
Just when I thought I was out... they pulled me back in the chair

[Just Write]

ydk,

I've caused many men to perish hidden distant in time,
I gave you faith when others suffered; so I tripled your dime.
Crippled by selfishness i'll drive a spade through your heart,
With the promise of diamonds that I gave from the start.

I've devalued kings and queens; knaves were never. brave enough,
They have all fell victim to a bluff of a family more pure in flush.
Consumed by need I've tolerated smokey rooms and weed,
Till I lay face down on the floor desperate and doomed by greed.


above was my favorite from you. i liked your take on the topic and all the little card suite references through out. thought it was a bit of a safe route but was still pulled off very nicely.


frank,
''I aint convinced I’m a convict..
In conflict with the grimiest cons on the continent..."
consequence in each contest
He said "I got five maybe six and a poss, shiit.. lets just say 6 books
Oh and Frank.. I needa copy of your 6th book"
Deal again I got 10 someone else said reshuffling
kings and queens like a fairytale flip-book
"Yous a slick crook!...


Cards like superman-flying trying to save you and cradle the land
with a clear shot of hearts, cupid pulled something fatal from his band
Nine of diamonds blinded him, with Draino from the damned
Little jokers cuttin’ a hundred degrees like a molten man
Medulla Oblongata spilling lava from a molded can
cold hearts, melting puddles where the frozen ran
Gambit throwing hands... cool as a Japanese folding fan


above was my favorite portions of your verse. this was a smooth fuckin read man, no complaints from meabout this one. really liked the creative direction you went with this one as well.


I enjoyed both of these. thought you both wrote good pieces this week, i'm going to give it to frank though because i enjoyed his just a little more

[Clutter Buck]

YDK piece was dope considering how short it was, that thing really packed a punch, I didn't think he played safe at all - one of his best assets has always been his creativity, length to his drops has never really been Kuhn's thing tbh, but he doesn't rely on it because he has a genuine rich pool of ideas that he seems to bring together. I loved the heros/myths and spade/diamonds lines. they were worded really nice, to the point even though I know the ideas been used before, it still came off fresh to me. the tie in to the coffin/pack of cards at the end was illy too, really creative take on the picture given I thought, this guy deserves his props!

FRANK is frank, always had a natural knack for this shit, loved the flow to this joint, it just rolls off the tongue (keyboard) as he must have been writing it... the whole thing runs smoothly, almost like a keystyle from top to bottom, where he maintains the same multi string and just tees off on a topic, taking his own sweet time to get to any point he wants to make, not worrying about the length of the piece, just simply doing him until he's done and ready to let you move on, it's awesome. this is how you should be writing. his battle days may be behind him, but he still loves throwing in a punchline or four to keep the readers interest which is unusual to see in topicals tbh. frank does it well,

These weren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed,
just some state pens that dripped when they slit you

ugh, that's grimey as fuck...

Or see me reflecting on hard times, holding mirrors through these bars....

dope line right there

great ending too, almost similar to what YDK did in effect, but at the same time wholly different. overall I think frank got him, not so much in terms of originality or creativity because that's where I felt YDK shone and he excels frank in that field here, but frank just had a more developed piece, with dialogue and characterisation, which obv. YDK couldn't have as a pack of cards as stupid as that sounds, but it does add another dimension to your writing when you do have that which is why I find it of such importance and give the ctredit where its due to the writers in here that are doing it, and doing it well... feel me? anyway, enough rambled from the keyboard, i'm hungover this morning, but frank got this for me... sorry Kuhn!

[NYCSPITZ]

great improvement from YDK to display a strong verse. Frank came strong as per norm with a more fleshed out characterization and some quirky interesting little nuances and wording which got him this battle imo.

v/ frank

[Mike Wrecka]

dope battle guys.


ydk - I was impressed with this verse. using the cards suits as references in your lines was a good concept. I enjoyed this piece. although I feel it was more of an overview type of topical. and tbh these verses when put up against a fleshed out story usually don't fare well with the voters. the mechanics and rhyming were sound. like I said I liked it.

frank- ok ya frank brought a story but then took it a step further and developed a back story to that story. it was entertaining and some of the lines were a very dope display of word usage like this

In conflict with the grimiest cons on the continent..."
consequence in each contest

do you see all the cons he used there and still made it flow and rhyme and make it coherent? that's dope. I liked that a lot. the rhyming and structure were ahead of ydks by a bit


overall - ydk you had a good verse, but you need to develop more in your verse. dig deeper into the story to get my vote in this particular battle. good showing though. frank you are like a young martin scorcese mixed with a bit of young Spielberg. thanks for the read guys

vote - francis

[Angkor]

YDK - i read ur piece twice yesterday and a 3rd time today and i'm still not sure what is being examine. Was it a personification of a deck of card? if so what's with the reference to Chinese history and Caesar. They had card games back then? Or was it supposed to be a play on the king cards? But on a positive note, i dug some of the wordplay. And thought the idea was pretty dope, ultimately. good shit.

Frank - great verse my man. You can very well use all kind of card idioms to decribe the concept of this verse - "Life dealing a hand", "lost in the shuffle" etc, it was a very well-written piece. Great story progression and the writing mechanics was up there. I don't really have too much complaints.

Vote - Frank. I thought the writing was a little more advance. Kuhn's my dude and is always showing improvement but Frank's also a seasoned vet so it's hard to beat someone of that calibre.

[Zen]

YDK- The strong point on your verse was your creativity which I honestly didn't notice when I read through the first time. I had to read through the first couple of votes before I saw that and reread it and was more impressed the second time around. The negative of this verse is it was done very simply. Props for creativity though.

Frank- Frank tha Tank is a beast pure and simple. Great story laid out here that was carried on with your trademark flow. You also had nice allusions to cards in your piece. I've seen better from you but this was very well done. Props.

V/Frank

[Certain]

YDK: This is the best verse I've read from you. I picked up on the cards extended metaphor pretty early on, but that only made the verse more readable because I wasn't trying to put together some elaborate puzzle. Most of your individual metaphors made sense in context, which can be tough to do when you're playing the hide-the-narrator game. The structure is a bit dated because it doesn't hold up well against full stories, as Mike Wrecka is finding out this week. That doesn't mean it's bad, though. You brought some witty lines that I really liked, particularly the card-game wordplay. And your writing was crisp and smooth, which is important in these verses because if they fall too far into abstractions, the twist ceases to matter or can even be a letdown. I'd have liked a bit more of the witticisms and a more complex rhyme scheme., but you executed this verse well.

Frank: Your very style is all over the place. You jump from thought to thought, but it's very realistic as far as inhabiting the narrator's stream of conscious. The two or three other verses I've seen from you probably displayed this style better, though. Here the story became a bit fractured. With that said, this verse was very good. Reading your words makes it obvious how much fun you have constructing them. I had to read this verse a second time before I fully grasped everything that was going on, but I always read verses twice before voting. You seem to draw your storytelling style from Nas, which makes you very different from the average writer. And it makes your verses compelling for the same reasons Nas is a compelling storyteller. Even if some details get lost, the lyricism is great and the characters come to life. That's what you had over YDK this week, a more fleshed out world and characters.

Vote: Frank