February review for netcees.com OM section

[zygote]

February review for www.netcees.co Open Mic section.

Greetings all members, this is a short effort to highlight and review some of the uploads for February. Uploads were chosen for the short review by just a random cross section along with some individually chosen uploads. A slight variation this time, only around 15 reviews, because February is a shorter month. The format is; Username: “Title” URL – date.

Cross section of uploads for February:

@Geo Oats : “Shorebreaks (Thought Auditing pt. 2)” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=53736 - 02-18-2014

“the shorebreak sings me melodies, the sway of its ebb is
telling me to let my memories persuade where I'm heading
raised in these waters, this beach is my most sacred possession
sand and saltwater communion - my first taste of perfection”

Short review: Excellent way to begin the review process, clicking the title and thinking it would be completely different because of the words “thought auditing.” It was really well written, the contrast between the past section in the first half where the childhood memories play out and the second half where the new reality is apparent is great. The penultimate section was a crescendo, it was the pacing and the progression of the writing that really stood out here. I don’t know what pt. 1 was about, but I will search for it after, I’m hoping it is about early childhood, this is middle adulthood, and next parts 3 and 4 are older adulthood then elderly. The word epic gets thrown about, but if this is a progressive effort like that about one individual’s life and their ‘thought auditing’ during their return to a favorite beach at different times during their life then it deserves that kind of moniker.

@Illume : “The Impatient Cosmos” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=53093 - 02-14-2014

“I hover over the nothingness then it erupts in a dream,
Just as it must, I've given life to the dust for my scheme,
I spoke and it was, as dope as it is, I talk and it lives,
My consciousness cusped in my grasp, released in the souls that I give.”

Short review: Good short upload, this one is a conceptual effort, point of view writing, trying to give a personality to a largely difficult to define entity was a strong attempt. The conceptualization here felt a little too monotheistic, it was still a great idea though, perhaps some less value judgements from the narration, and more shades of grey could have made for a more effective/interesting message. The whole ‘the human race is bad’ tone felt a tiny bit one-dimensional when compared to the great idea for a narrator’s voice.

[mentionill nik-A : “The Devil's Soul” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=52999 - 02-14-2014

“Age is the rage of a cold youth…
which only success could heal some
I’m at a stage where I memorize old tunes
only to make me feel young
I’m steel strong the way I showcase myself
though it’s not how I feel inside
in no way lies help
But I’ll take the appeal with pride
It’s really a deprived timid designed image
How did I learn this craze?
It’s hard to be in high spirits
So I burned some sage & turned the page”

Short review: A display of different type of rhyming technique this is the ABAB pattern where A and B are different rhymes. There were some parts near the end, that were very interesting, like the lack of feeling part, it was an effort to look at the long term effects of continued aggression and exposure to violence.

@brokenhal0 : “radish salad” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=50932 - 02-05-2014

“the end is near everybody gettin soft
Illuminati killin minds with gender bender thoughts
Pentecost lost in a thought complex of complex thoughts
thoughts hexed by a tetragramton source convex a hard angle
i fucks with scared angels getting numbers under gods table”

Short review: Improving rhyme technique always, read this one if you like to see the impressive rhyme schemes. The actually phrases are a bit ambiguous and perhaps a little incoherent, but it works because every line is unexpected and new when compared to the previous.

@H4ZE : “Thoughts of rebecca” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=51468 - 02-07-2014

“Thoughts of rebecca:
I've been bullied most of my life,being called a whore and a slut
They tell me I should kill my self,I've had more than enough
I've switched schools,it still happens no matter where I'm at
Why am I treated like this? I don't deserve it,is my appearance bad?”

Short review: Not familiar with all of this, because it is based on real events, but that last line seems awfully insensitive. Still, good effort to write about something you care about.

@Pent uP : “the October country” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=48706 - 01-26-2014

“Sniffles from her face are heard; She asked with quizzical anger
"how do you teach dogs to swim?" She fixed an abysmally fake smirk
then finished the riddle with a little visual frame work:
"Throw the pup in the water and let it rely on instinctual nature"”

Short review: Metaphorical language being used, PancakeBrah gave a very good analysis in the comments section, I would recommend also reading that after reading the upload itself. Recommending this upload for its refinement.

@Totoro “A Samurai Tale Pt. 1 (ROOT CHAKRA)” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54972 - 02-24-2014

“Men wearing makeup act womanly to the glee of the crowd
a child holds a stick of beef and sticky rice - dancing to the beat of the sound
Shogunate festival: the parade's procession is such a practical feat
as fifty men carry poles and pantomime this magical beast.”

Short review: Good display of thematic language. Thematic language is like where someone picks an idea or concept and their language sticks to that theme throughout, the idea is consistency and immersion for the reader. Totoro here has picked feudal Japan, all the language is working towards creating that atmosphere and building that setting.

@Hush : “High as hell aiming for land. Bud color red and yellow like a hulkamania fan” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54889 - 01-23-2014

“A hollow point missile couldn't pierce my skin tissue fired from close range
Shining isn't an issue. U need Run DMC ropes to hang with my dope chains.
Heart icey black and the grip on the berettas gold. Forever cold
Niggas call me a hundred grand cuz like a stack I never fold”

Short review: An aggressive battle rap style of upload. The emphasis is placed on the strong multiple rhymes and the creative insults/self-glorifying. Recommending this one if you want to read this style, there were not many in this style during Feb.

@Concrete : “The Ascent of N00B” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=52754 - 02-13-2014

“without any warning the faint noobs emerged
truly worthless crude worms tainting the pure earth
we must instigate the purge, precipitate a rebirth
felicitate our leaders
what a novelty tale of loyalty & betrayal
the holy grail overflowed from all souls overthrown “

Short review: A great writing voice and unorthodox tone. Read this one as a kind of hyperbole or satire, there was one comment about the language was too Shakespearean but I think that was an intentional decision, to play up the humor aspects. If you have the time or interest, I’d recommend for you to sign into the AOWL competition, you can find it from the homepage.

@Texcellence : “Oxymoronic” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54231 - 02-20-2014

“I find light in the dark within this world of the living dead
Where mindless bitches are cool as long they're giving head
In these calm times I panic, is this the planet I've got to raise my kids on?
Walk me for a little while and see the logic behind my mad wisdom”

Short review: The idea behind this one seemed to be using oxymorons within each line. Oxymoron being a device where two contradictory words are put together within a phrase. There were some good examples here, and none were clichéd, like the ‘wrongdoers keep telling me that I’m right.’ There is a great song by K-RINO called “Deeper Elevation” that has a similar concept.

@dead man : “Why can I sleep no more?” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=51802 - 01-18-2014

“these walls are fluctuating at night
morning-time they wheeze through respirators for life
deerskin shaved for a kite. windswept meadowy lawn
rearranging basic structure into legible song
demonstrable horror. the last house on the left
finger pluck a vital artery straight out of your chest “

Short review: Taking this as an assault on pop-culture and the mystique surrounding it. It was quite direct and used a shock-value perhaps to mirror the way ‘ratings’ and ‘box-office’ operate. Anyone can appreciate it on a number of different levels; for rhyming technique, for turn-of-phrase, and for finding underlying meanings. There are two excellent breakdowns as well, both had different interpretations, and it shows the depth of this upload that both comments seemed correct.

@WZA : “Just some personal shit, fucking around.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=53393 - 02-16-2014

“Ever since birth, i've been over par,
Clever with words, producing golden bars,
Through endeavors i've learned that hoping scars,”

Short review: Here it just seemed more like a rhyme exercise, the last part could have been the start to something else. Pretty decent cypher section-like upload. It’s quite short and worth a read for a new user who is good at writing in this format.

@YDK : “real shit” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54194 - 01-22-2014
“I use ta think of all the negatives in my life,
Like, spendin money i aint have an not sleepin at night,
spite, Lovin outta memories not enjoyin the present,
Wishin for death every second hopin ya boy make it ta heaven.“

Short review: There is a use of slang and colloquial language to give it an interesting tone. It seemed quickly written without much attention paid to smaller details and more focus on the overall construction. Also, without poking fun too much, this one is remarkable for the fact that YDK hasn’t made at least 3 or 4 continuous comments on his own page.

@Mitch : “Random stuff 3” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=55492 – 02-26-2014

“One night, Thought i thought a thought i thought right, for the wrong reason.
And there next evening, half sleeping, attacked by a spastic reaction concerning the bursting of plasm up my spine, DNA flux combined my slumbering mind a hundred miles of wandering eyes of bobbing fires till dawns arise.”

Short review: A great upload, I like the short distance between each rhyme and the different types of rhymes without holding onto one for a while. The ability to build up momentum while still changing the rhymes around was great. Also enjoyed the numbered format and correct title, it agrees with OCD and this is coming from a user with the same hobby who is now up to overall “Battle Rap 43.” The off the wall nature of the writing was entertaining as well.

@Tropical : “What's good.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=52846 - 02-13-2014

“a simple flick of the wrist, movement of a pen
a blueprint that begins to teach a student about the sin
what a nuisance I have been my words'll loosen you to the stem
mutant to the skin let the mutiny contend as my fluent flows begin..”

Short review: Those aggressive lines about the other individuals mothers was the highlight, it was very crude and had a good impact/shock value. Also there’s Aesthetic giving the worst constructive criticism, claiming that the words race and break do not rhyme. Tropical uploaded one of the best types of this kind of aggressive insult writing for this month. Recommending this one.

@Just Write : “I like to get drunk, watch scary movies, then try to write.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=51979 - 02-10-2014

“Hi my name is christopher and im six terms from graduating college. A theatrics major; or surveyor the way ive been obtaining my knowledge, Ive seen every action flick, but i think horror's my favorite. I just adore gore, especially if the storyline's a reality basis. From Lecter to kruger, i love playing insane, crazy or goofy. So I act as if i'm the main character portrayed in the movie, I let it consume me til i lose my grasp on what reality is. And sometimes i wonder if the real me actually exists.”

Short review: The last two lines in the above sample, shows a skirmish with some existentialist themes. Would like to see more like that, but it was a good decision not to get too much into that during this writing, it was not the right vehicle, and did well to steer clear from going too far into this train of thought. Sticking to the overall concept gave the whole upload a consistent stream of consciousness feel.

Ending comment/Overall review.

Good stuff from everyone again. Again, many of the reviews are semi-randomly chosen, basically just in one session searching by date uploaded and clicking to open in 20 different tabs without much thought. So if you dislike being not reviewed it’s not really a thing to do with whether it was the best, only whether it was clicked on during the initial clicking blitzkrieg. These things are more of a small cross-section rather than highlights. Also, thanks to the @big baby for the suggestion to add in the tagging function during short reviews, all suggestions from everyone are always 100% welcome. All the best.

[Vulgar]

Nice, Zyg.

[Mael]

Good read. Really appreciate these reviews. Thanks for the effort, @ZYG.

[oats]

Dope, thanks for the effort.

[big baby]

Pissed. Wrote a comment like 9 times and always gets deleted somehow. Anyway, long story short, some of the mentions have spaces after the @ so people didnt get mentioned, like hush, pent up, etc.

[Certain]

I fixed it.

Good work, as always.

[Hush]

You my nigga

The true gote of nc

[Just Write]

Zyg for president! No but really, great job again. I really do enjoy and look forward to these bro. Awesome

[Split]

very nice!

[ill nik-A]

This is really cool man

Thanks for the mention

[Eŋg]

you make me want to drop more. great monthly contribution, keep it going.

[e11even]

I had no part but in this but you are cool as fuck for what you do for the OM. You hear this every month, but, really, kudos.

[Objective]

I didn't post a single OM in february I think. Looking at this I wish I did, I love that shit and it motivates me to write and post more in the OM. Kinda feel like I'm constantly repeating myself every month, haha, but you deserve all the praise you can get tbh. Keep up the good work!

[Illume]

Genuinely well thought out, intelligent feedback. Love this mag.

[Geno]

Long live zygote

[Fig]

ZYG have my mom