Week 7: Certain (0-0) vs. rhetoric (0-0) \\ Certain wins 5-3

[Certain]

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topics this week are available for your choosing here.

Good luck, @Certain and @rhetoric.

[rhetoric]

Makers Mark on rocks, my favorite choice of Bourbon Blend
The buzz hit the brain on just my third shot in
Toxins rush my blood with each swallow I chug
Just to squabble with my confidants at Hollows End Pub
‘let the beer flow’ chanted amongst my friends
As drunken rants get sung until the function ends
Nothing tends to take the edge off like liquid brew
Toasting to the ones we love, or every love we ever knew
‘this one’s for you’ tonight I share the news
My wife’s pregnant with my son, this party life is through
Thank you Hollow’s End Pub for all the fun we had
Now it’s time to give it up, grow up and be a dad
Following claps, perhaps one more night can wait
A final celebration with the guys for old time’s sake
We drank until the room spun, twisted, & stirred
Sipped our whiskey fuel until our vision blurred
2:00 AM . . . bartender makes the last call
Bottoms up, slammed the glass down. . . ‘peace, im out yall’

. . . Staggered to the car across the parking lot path
Feeling good behind the crashing wave of 90 proof laughs
Threw my shoes in the back as I gasped a long breath
Turned the key, gave a final farewell before I left . . .

My hour commute back to the arms of my wife
As I drift off in thoughts, just thinking about life
Enticed by the idea of having a son at my side
While apparently numb swerving across the double lines
I’ll be fine, 2:45 I’m only 15 minutes from home
20 over the speed limit, while texting on the phone
Message sent, ‘hi hnoey, I’ll bee hom sooon’
Cracked the window to let the wind brush off the afternoon
Soon my eyes are heavy, lead weights pulling them down
Close em just for a bit, only guided by sound
Only seemed like a second before that moment of sight
The lights fled through the window so ferociously bright
Slammed the breaks, too late, a collision and crash
As I tilt my head back the light fades. . . away . . . then . . . turns black . . . .

The following day, my friends sitting on their bar stool
In disbelief as they see this on Evening 9 news

:::Breaking News Story:::Breaking News Story:::Breaking News Story:::Breaking News Story:::

In a bizarre twist of fate, a Brevard man was arrested and charged with DUI, and vehicular homicide following a horrific car crash at approximately 3:00am on Interstate 520 this morning. As it turns out, the man identified as Scot Avery, crashed into his own wife who was headed to Hollows End Pub after receiving a call from a mutual friend that her husband was there and may have been too impaired to drive home. Scot Avery was transported to the local hospital where he is now recovering. Mrs. Avery, pregnant with their unborn child was pronounced dead at the scene. Details of this story will follow after this. . . .

[Certain]

They were here again last night, Erasers.
I saw them through the window, with their flashlights and tasers.
I managed to play terse, but every call gets tighter
as they leverage all their fighters to track minds unwaivered.
We need vigilance. The truth is dangerous, to them but also us.
We are the runaway slaves, stowed and bestowed with trust.
Their vision is clear: reprogramming the human race
until every man smiles the same smile,
until every man removes his face.
They feed us cocktails, a cup of pills to consume with haste,
and hope the scrambled eggs and juice help excuse the brutal taste.
None for me. I ditch the drugs in a napkin with a pinch
as I draw up another map to freedom, captaining the ship.
We will escape, my comrades. This repressive regime
is not the end of the sea. There's more than empty disease.
They sit us in front of the screens, keep us staring into the nothingness.
As our brains melt, they're seeing just how deep the puddle gets.
Then they roll us to the checkerboard, afraid of games of chess,
but my strategy is check and force the King to lay to rest.
The King, he who channels all this madness,
while examining his captives as though we're chattel for masses,
or is it cattle for the juicy steaks we're never served?
The food is slop, pre-chewed mush with chemical preserves.
We veterans deserve something better than this turn,
so we'll strike together with a verve, the King deposed by his own serfs.
We'll cane the bastard, take out his knees with ruthless quickness.

But let's wait until after 4
because my grandson's due to visit.

[zygote]

Very impressed with the use of specific language/words over other words that would have been less effective - E.g., "chattel for masses" - could have written 'property' but the word chattel also means property and adds the image of 'cattle.' (in fact second line after that actually detracted a bit from that subtlety). Things like that could be found throughout and it was just really refined, stylistically mature. Difficult to compare that with the other one, because there was an entirely different writing tone, while one was refined and imaginative, the other went for a everyman-narration. There was a good use of colloquial language to create this everyman character - E.g., "The buzz hit the brain on just my third shot in" but then there are other parts that weren't consistent with that tone like "squabble with my confidants", there was good emotional quality, but the actual concept of drink-driving was a little bit one-dimensional in comparison to the Alzheimer's veteran concept. Voting for Certain.

[Brian Bryan]

@rhetoric you seem to have a good grasp of storytelling, nice pacing, a good writers voice and the drunken text message showed me you've a humourous edge to you as well, which could serve you well in this league as there aren't many of you around. I think what you lack in the technical aspects you make up for in your storytelling strengths. You're a good addition to the league. You remind me of Saila, truth be told, take that how you will...

@Certain had a polished piece here, the guy is well honed in his craft and he takes a lot of beating, I thought you hated when I did this originally, Certain?!

We will escape, my comrades. This repressive regime
is not the end of the sea. There's more than empty disease.

with the whole broken sentence in line one thing!?

LOL

I see you.

Overall I just felt Certain had a more rounded technical display to his writing, concept and execution than rhetoric here. Certain gets my vote.

[NYCSPITZ]

Cool battle. Rhetoric came with a nice lil fucked up DUI story about a dude killing his wife while certain was a bit more philosophical and pointed with his WORDS. tbh I think both had their strengths but certain held the edge in terms of execution and concept. The type of flip rhetoric did was cool, used to be prominent back in the day and would be cool if done dope but since it's been done so may times in a similar way I don't think the execution was enough this time. anyways thanks to both for writing yo

v/ certain

[MMLP]

first time voting..... both were good reads tbf.

rhetoric your story was really good, wasn't as skilful in lyricism as I usually prefer but the concept, storytelling leading to the twist was good.

but certain's verse, it was crafted so well, really condensed compared to rhetoric's and yet more effective, more in skilled in its explanatory in my opinion, choice of wording and range of vocabulary tipped it for me.

Enjoyed the battle

v/Certain

[Pinot Grij]

Wow, @rhetoric I have to say this is one of the nicest verses I've read this season. Really crisp storytelling, awesome offbeat rhyme choices. I was full-on into this piece, liked the ending... I'm really surprised its not getting a lot of love but it was brilliant imo.

Certain, I was really enamored with Rhet's piece and would've needed something exceptional to topple my bias. I think the story was a little too blazay though and it never really gripped me. Rhetoric in an easy win for me on this one.

[Adonis]

Rhetoric- so....where to begin. The opening stanza had a more formatted and complex rhyme scheme, then the rest seemed just was what it was. Some strange rhymes, but as I said,some were complex and understood what you were going for so appreciated not being monotone. This entire story however lacked suspense. I didn't see it coming as the wife, but aside from that major detail I essentially knew what was coming, which is a bummer. I did enjoy the scene you painted initially, honestly throughout the Verse you commanded description, just more so in opening bar scene. To me felt like a group of friends watching football. I did not like how you rhymed afternoon when you painted night in every other instance. Decent verse, solid writing but lacking execution due to lack of suspense. I liked use of topic

Certain- I did not like user of topic much. Not sure why you started talking chess randomly, that muddled the old folks home you drew up. Rhymes were decent, nothing stood out, just simple with few mistakes. All in all, I will be honest, this verse was unimaginative with no flare. It was just a short read to me,not close to you skill level.

Vote rhetoric. Better overall command of writing and topic this week

[timeless]

Kayge, this was a great read. Wild ending yo that shit sucks lol. this wasnt what I expected out of you lyrically though, ive seen you come with way better rhyme schemes you had here but nevertheless it was a smooth read. Nothing really to complain about. Dope story, well rounded, loved the approach to the topic.

Certain, this was dope. Was the erasers a max ride reference? The wording was crisp here with plenty of intracate schemes throughout. I dont understand what topic you were writing to, is the waken up at 3am one? loved the character you created here.

another tight matchup, certain came with the more polished piece lyrically, whereas rhet had the concept down to a tee. As for the more enjoyable piece I have to give it to certain. Good battle though this could go either way.

V. Certain

[e11even]

Rhetoric- this was a good verse. The story ending was an expected twist for me, but your solid execution made it a worthwhile read. Your rhymes were very consistent but standard-ish and just seemed to carry the verse along, which isn't a bad thing, since this piece was in a story format. Overall good job.

Certain- language and execution was cool. I was looking for either more detail or more of an abstract idea. But this, as it was, remained in the middle between the two extreme angle styles. I feel like there was something missing that would otherwise make this more entrancing and enjoyable, but it kinda fell flat. I was hoping for more animal farm tbh. Good effort overall though.

I felt like both verses could have gone differently, but both had a very solid presentation and sturdy rhyming, Certain having considerably more of the latter. For me, this is a battle for interest and I find a good arc more important than well- placed language in more cases. MVGT rhetoric for more enjoyable verse overall.