Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > The Netcees archive > AOWL Season 3 Archive
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-08-2014, 03:51 AM   #1
Certain
Mad fucking dangerous.
 
Certain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19


Champed
- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

Rep Power: 85899403
Certain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond repute
Default Week 7 contender match: Frank (5-1) vs. King Ra. (3-3) \\ King Ra. wins via disqualification


Season 3




The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topics this week are available for your choosing here.

Good luck, @Frank and @King Ra.
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
Certain is offline  
Old 04-12-2014, 08:46 PM   #2
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Default

Topic: You were arrested Friday Night and have to spend the night in county jail.


The court room cleared out. The Jury gathered in deliberating quarters.
The steps outside of the courthouse are insinuating with reporters.
The prisoner on trial, is deemed unworthy of rehabilitative reform - he is convicted, subjected to obliterating torture
The lawyers ignored unlawfully; discriminative of his disorder.
Incriminated - escorted by security guards with combative batons
Face-masked-criminal-rabidly, savage; he kisses his hyperactive mom through the plastic balm.
Banished, from the world and its fanatic facade
The judge rules Death and mallets the mob.
-
2 months later comes forward the hiding witness,
She saw what had happened that night and felt it wasn't right he was convicted.
She says he was just minding his business and describes the events with physic precision.
The death penalty is overturned; reduced to just life in the prison.

Slime and scum. The tunnel through death row is alive with violent buzz -
Awaiting the electrics chair vibrant combust!
Capital punishment interrupted -
He'll do time instead of fry, now comply with us.

The prisoner insists he must die what he's done!

Horrified, they slide the cuffs off and walk him past Ted and Jeffreys presence.
The two killers express resentment; they are upset by the menaces methods -
Every cell they walk him past, the message is death wish
Exempt; he must live out the rest of his sentence

I'd like to think God will judge our past and its flaws
Because it's 500 yards crawling through the crap of these stalls

Shawshank

Justice? You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law.

They say he tied the knot so tight around his neck it had to be hacked with a saw
__________________
VETWORK
Frank is offline  
Old 04-13-2014, 01:10 AM   #3
King Ra.
The Throne, The Crown
 
King Ra.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,667
Battle Record: 21-35



Rep Power: 1932960
King Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant future
Default

Ra.!
You won't win this battle!
Bow down & surrender!"

Maximus yelled at the top of his lungs.
I stared back, cracked a smile & proceeded to shrug.
"I bow down to no man. I am a god.
You powerless thug.
Your cowardice grudge will only leave you showered in blood."

He yelled once more & stormed towards me. Sword in his clutch.
Soon as he got in reach, one punch made him cower & plunge.
I stood over him-
a monstrous stomp, the finishing touch.
His army looked on with fear in their eyes
sour & stunned.
And so it begun....
In times when governments were ruled by savages
whom enforced the most gruesome practices.
Slavery the way of each and every inhabitant.
Freedom didn't exist.
The thought was considered blasphemous.
Moreso than the corrupt laws & sacraments which tipped over the balances.
The people remained in paralysis. The system? Cancerous.
It would only be a matter of time when they could no longer handle it.
I remained vigilant. Trained an army of graduates.
Who I would soon lead to defeat the one they called "Maximus".
We studied the passages to his palaces. Woe to their granduer and extravagance!
When they fall, he will take note of their damages.
The people will see it happen-
his empire fall in extreme rapidness.
I will stand in it's midst. Lightning flashing, crackling.
The rain pours.
Art of war. Conquering. Mastered it.
.
.
.
Truth. Justice. Order.
The millions I've slaughtered.
Sons & daughters I've fostered.
Lands where I breached it's borders.
Rebuilt kingdoms & altars.
Captured prisoners tortured.
New World reformer.
Peace restorer.
.
.
.
I stood atop Giza's apex.
Witnessed the dawn of the sun's birth.
It's 2214-
I am the most powerful man on Earth.
.... Or God.




Sincerely,
King Ra.
__________________
Vetwork, bitches.
King Ra. is offline  
Old 04-13-2014, 02:08 PM   #4
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946446
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

Frank. Did not like use of topic as it had nothing to do with jail, instead a death row Mac, max security prison. Word choice to was rather up and down. Electric combust was dope, then insinuating fit ok,but not typically used in that form lessened the effect Imo. Verse per usual was descriptive to the max. Decent verse, but not much going on. Final two bars seemed tossed in there for closures sake.

Sunny. Shots fired. A bit of narcissism huh? I liked the fact this was literally about overthrowing Frank. Dope, at least that's what I took away. Flow was on point. Great choice of end rhyme. Not many multi but people seem to over look successive rhyming in short bar, essentially the same thing right? Any ways, I enjoyed the scenery even if it was short lived and you switched from scenery to just narrating about why and shit. Dope verse, honestly one of my favorites of entire season

Vote king. Better flow, stronger ending and better use of topic.
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR

Last edited by Adonis; 04-13-2014 at 02:18 PM.
Adonis is offline  
Old 04-13-2014, 02:37 PM   #5
Three-Planes-Aligned
Hyphenated
 
Three-Planes-Aligned's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: The Black Lodge
Posts: 79
Battle Record: 7-8



Rep Power: 549509
Three-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant futureThree-Planes-Aligned has a brilliant future
Default

Frank - "just life in the prison" fluff-worded stuff like <that I read in Borat's voice for whatever (the) reason. There were other instances of blemished wording (combust is a verb under all circumstances) - though the negative nancy part of my breakdown ends right when I compliment your overall high level of wording... here. So there. Cool read, I enjoyed it.

King Ra - Again, wording (cowardice grudge?) - this piece, and you as the author of it, was more effective at painting something vivid using simpler forms of natural-sounding Ingles. Your narrative was a bit of a head-on collision with a distinct mythological flavor. I enjoyed this one as well.

Overall I'll give King Ra the nod for the narrative progress accomplished with the savages/practices/etc.-scheme
Three-Planes-Aligned is offline  
Old 04-13-2014, 05:05 PM   #6
TheRealWayneBrady
Junior Member
 
TheRealWayneBrady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 18
Battle Record: 1-0



Rep Power: 0
TheRealWayneBrady is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

This was really great.

Frank your style in this was a little bland and less descriptuve than usual and at times the repetitive scheme got boring to me. Id like to see a littlemmore imagery from you and also Ted and Jeffery don't stay at the same prison silly.


King ra lolz you overconfident bastard boy. I liked your approuch to the topic and thought you really did a good job at making this piece your own. Although the flow was crispt throughout I think I enjoyed the last little bit the most. Crisp and clean. Bravo


king ra +1
__________________
TheRealWayneBrady is offline  
Closed Thread


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:01 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+