|
08-30-2014, 06:54 PM
|
#2 |
|
fanlink.to/Notebook
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Hell.
Posts: 49
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 0   |
Truthfully...
You're Childish thinking you'd ever be ruled as King Reading Donald Glover's discog's the only way we'd put Camp in the same sentence as Royalty Last edited by Notebook; 08-31-2014 at 04:31 PM. |
|
|
09-01-2014, 08:52 PM
|
#3 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 733
Battle Record: 10-18
Rep Power: 0   |
Nah but fa real...
we all go thru this day an age with ease ya fate is obsolete, thanks to technology now all notebook does is endanger trees
__________________
get high. write rhymes. |
|
|
|
09-01-2014, 09:31 PM
|
#4 |
|
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899403   |
Notebook: This was a pretty clever line. But you butchered the wording on every count. Your lines don't even rhyme. The punchline is way too wordy. And the phrasing is awkward in the setup. Strip this down to something like this:
You're trying to touch the crown, but now you'll get foiled, C. Donald Glover playlists are the only time Camp comes next to Royalty. That would probably have won this battle. I'm not great at wording battle lines for harshness, but at least it's your clever concept with a solid end rhyme and concise phrasing. Camp Bell: Your line wasn't as interesting or creative, but you worded it better. I wish endangering trees had been turned into a bad thing for a person to do, rather than simply a writeoff of irrelevance. Maybe if you had set it up as being that he never gets the blunt passed to him or something like that. I don't know. But you won here because your wording and rhyming was so superior. Vote: Camp Bell
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
|
|
|
09-02-2014, 12:44 PM
|
#5 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Cali
Posts: 1,460
Battle Record: 11-20
Rep Power: 4150482 |
I think notebook could of won but overdid the wording. Cancel was direct but effective.
V camp |
|
|
|
09-02-2014, 12:58 PM
|
#6 |
|
βгοкε ㄴεςηαг
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,245
Battle Record: 9-4
Champed - 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 12760961 |
I liked both. Note had a pretty decent bar. I thought his wording probably could have been better. But we all have our own styles and can recognize how I write or what I prefer shouldn't be a benchmark for others to reach for. Therefore the wording issues are probably just due to my preference. I liked the reference and the np. I thought Camp's was better. Not a big fan of green environmentalist bullshit lmao but yeah I thought the set up, np, and delivery was admirable.
v-Camp |
|
|
|
09-02-2014, 03:41 PM
|
#7 |
|
Kill.It.Nonstop
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 666
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 662198 |
Book- not a fan of the rhyme you chose- Royalty and Ruled as King wasn't great...and the punch itself was pretty stretched...
Camp- Short an nice rhyme scheme..solid nameplay Vote-Camp |
|
|
|
09-03-2014, 10:29 AM
|
#8 |
|
baz∞ka
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,628
Battle Record: 38-35
Champed - Fight Night 7
- Battle Arena Tournament
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 36460385 |
Ones rhyme was totally off had a ok approach but just feel short the other had a cool line ..
v/Camp |
|
|
|
09-04-2014, 09:42 AM
|
#9 |
|
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,564
Battle Record: 14-25
Champed - Art of Writing League (x2)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
Rep Power: 8181109 |
Cool battle, if note woulda shortened the line an am reworded it slightly he coulda had this but for how it stands I gotta vote campbell
__________________
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
Linear Mode
