04-28-2013, 09:51 AM | #21 |
The Throne, The Crown
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5-3. Re-opened for more votes.
Last edited by King Ra.; 04-28-2013 at 10:04 AM. |
04-28-2013, 06:15 PM | #22 |
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Vulgar:
Insightful, incredible wording and knowledgable. Really cool choice but a little unsettling considering primal instinct isn't known too this day; we have no idea what a feral human is like or the way they act. TopicalDood5: What's up with all the political topics. I wasn't really sure what you were trying to get across probably from my lack of knowledge on mao and pol pot; only know of them by word of mouth. I enjoyed the reality of the piece and like how the ending wasn't happy like a fantasy. V/Vulgar had a better choice and felt easier to connect to.. |
04-28-2013, 07:38 PM | #23 | ||
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Vulgar.
so this is what happens when you take seven weeks off from competitive writing... cadence was superb. where most top shelf writers have sets and series of well put together multis accompanied by strong wording, your syllabic beat/ rhythm really seems to emerge on a macroscopic level. saw it when I read your verse from start to finish without stopping. traditional scheme switches are superfluous/ do not rely on consonance or assonance, simply fall in place in your meter. really lets you take whatever direction you want, lyircally. bravo translation. flow was butter, start to finish, and carbo-lubed up your caloric fodder while we sat in the darkness waiting for you to illuminate your story. the story itself, unwound very nicely. im not sure how to summarize it. awesome Quote:
TD5 Quote:
i feel like your rhyming was not quite as effective as Vulgar's, overall, but was still nicely done. really started connecting at the end. I like your choice of phrases, they are powerful by themselves ("Pol Pot's scythes of destiny" lol nice) and are good components to work with. like metallic K'nex. in terms of the story itself, it was structured and delivered well, but at the same time didnt work the topic to its full extent. there was no AHA moment, no proverbial snap of the noose where your eyes open wide before the close, and yet it didnt seem to be stitching together a spacetime-fabric that displayed your mantra on a banner. basically, it developed in the womb exactly how it should have, but after both stories were birthed, Vulgar's simply bitch-slapped it down a link on the food chain and ate its damn pudding cups. V/ Vulgar
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04-28-2013, 07:43 PM | #24 |
The Throne, The Crown
Join Date: Jan 2013
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VULGAR WINS, 7-3.
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