09-22-2014, 11:10 PM | #1 |
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this too shall pass (melt)
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go live today and tell me how it felt. there's nothing left to mellow me, let's melt into soupy serendipity like stars in a belt no apples for a doctor to sell. we're bobbing for shells pop your Klonopin. watch the pin drizzle onto the floor cliffside the monolith's shore. comet dust our water resource chlorinated puddles in a tropical storm swan-dive, the cannonball was par for the course i left you, shallow and warm. gasping for more battled disorders by our lonesome but together we mourn its a legend reborn, reformatted and edited forward nestle mugs and christmas decor. Mademoiselle at the door metal cases metamorphic melatonin your pores amazonian warlord. anybody's crush but nobody's whore let me open it. rotate the torque and hope that it turns hiss hateful words and hope that it burns. who am i kidding? i just wrote you a verse with a prayer that it helps you know exactly how to make me stay. you made me yourself coveralls and chuckie dolls your barbie collection is art in its essence. human being or mark of retention plastic moldy manifold a point of contention wax features wax poetic. full attention you're granted melt into your handprint our identity clash i would have made us happy if you asked but ye without anticipation never detaches thinking to himself: this, too, shall pass
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Zack Wicks for president |
09-23-2014, 01:26 AM | #2 | |
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I'm going to start off on a tangent.
when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts. I have gotten to a point in my topical writing where I can begin by bullshitting until I stumble upon a thought or thread of ideas worth chasing down, much like how your typical college student writes essays or a race driver settles into a groove. I think this approach facilitates confidence and creativity. Not only are you organically searching for one particular shade of a light as it falls on the motif youre delving into, you are capturing the process, but you're laterally working in details and descriptions that might otherwise get skipped or undeveloped in a focused narrative. it results in a thought-discussion. a chautauqua. a gorgeous tangent. when you find this ONE segment that comes alive empowers you to write, you can go back and align and edit your verse to lead to this climax. The better writers need not edit so much to get to this point. But this initial seed crystal that gives rise to the verse (under careful examination by readers/voters) is very often identified by multiple topical writers as the best part of the verse. The highlight. The reason it is so obvious without being objectively approached is very abstract, I think it originates in its formation like I described. so. Ive often described your verses as a powderkeg, with a single congruent line of thought and imagery running down the middle that, if shaped well, brings the entire verse alive once the apex is clipped. I think that the above ramblings explain that better, as well as address the reason some lines stand out as "real" "honest" "deeply poetic". its just concentric circles of rhymework, based at point like- Quote:
Evoking human response is an emotional calculus not fully understood but possibly approximated. A gifted few capture every dot on the curve. "wax features wax poetic" excellent. thought your diction was very tonal. Sorry for the incoherent feed, just trying to describe everything down to the minutia, because I feel like the clear-cut pros/ cons, quotes with a "nice" and a focus on consistency within a verse is only helpful 6/10 times
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
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09-23-2014, 06:56 PM | #3 |
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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Split again.
word man. incoherent split is the best split. thank you.
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Zack Wicks for president |
09-30-2014, 03:53 PM | #4 |
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1st
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Zack Wicks for president |
10-02-2014, 10:51 PM | #5 |
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2nd. coo coo mademoiselle.
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05-05-2016, 08:12 PM | #6 |
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@Dr Dog actually wrote this
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Zack Wicks for president |
06-08-2016, 11:38 PM | #8 |
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Black GOAT topical writer IMO, taking longevity and consistency in addition to the verses themselves it's not close.
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UNIFIED THEORY |
06-10-2016, 06:10 AM | #9 |
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You should be water |
06-30-2016, 08:38 PM | #10 |
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I'm going to start off on a tangent.
when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru- I've read this and the two pieces you have the first page, if only/overkill and fly on the wall, and this was the most accessible and easy to feed. So I'm feeding it! Something I've picked up, and maybe it's obvious to the better people who populate this site, is your regular use of dichotomy or antithesis, often in the same line. Or at least, the regular use of it in this piece. For example battled disorders by our lonesome but together we mourn anybody's crush but nobody's whore hiss hateful words and hope that it burns. who am i kidding? i just wrote you a verse with a prayer that it helps And as I was quickly reading this, these lines stood out to me as highlights, intuitively. All of your pieces have a stream of consciousness feel, and a rueful tone. These kind of contradictions help realize this type of mindset, how someone with this type of weight on them really does think, I think. Then melt into your handprint our identity clash Synthesizes the trend towards the together, nobody, and prayer that helps. I noticed the intertextual and intratrextual self references. I remember some feed that Certain gave to one of your pieces where he basically thought of all your pieces as one, continuous thought. Or something to that effect. And the word 'cliffside' was mentioned a few times, and it's mentioned here. And how the second line of the piece (let's melt) is modified and given more context by the line I most recently quoted. It's just an added layer to everything, and shows how intricately everything can be interwoven. As for, just, visceral reaction, it's up to the usual dead man standard. All pathos (my new buzzword; overarching theme can get fucked), regret. With turns of phrase that, seemingly, come so easily. For instance a line like i would have made us happy if you asked is so easy to make corny, trite, eyerollish. But you place it in the right spot, and you word it correctly, and voila, it's a positive. The only line I didn't like was the metal cases M alliteration, and that's due to the fact that I despise alliteration. No matter the quality. I'd put this behind 'if only/overkill' and ahead of 'fly on the wall'. IF/O currently has the best piece of writing on the front page with let me in and let it happen measure me, a slave to standard. traffic, 24th December in a row i've let myself become a hopeless romantic what a tragic turn of fate to see you sitting so silent after all these streetlights violated your privacy i want someone to write to me like i wrote to you, privately. it's not a matter of ego. it's ego in it's entirety. self-centricity spiral circa 1900 and 90 whereas 'fly on the wall' was good but I thought it had too much alliteration and too many abstract phrases to truly contend with the other two. It had a cool, machine gun, rapid fire quality to it. Angry, even. All three were appreciated. Thanks for the reads!
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
07-07-2016, 07:01 PM | #11 |
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I think pathos is a fine choice for a buzzword, for what it's worth.
Really hoping to read a cake work soon. Get it together man.
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