LITHIUM SKULL

dead man · 10-20-2014, 11:35 PM

hey

wash and rinse and repeat. you put the miss in mystique
when we connect i feel a sense of relief. hesitantly
echo, you screamed. cave-wall canopy right next to the street
mineral residue on a vitamin beach
i lecture, you lead. thats always been the routine
cultivating a paradise ever out of your reach
feel that rumble in your feet and walk to find the machines
and once you do, you will die. rest in peace
its a lonely trek back to where we camped in the fall
its work and home and feels like something traveled abroad
its lithium. its chemicals the canvas recalls
when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir
pardon me im babbling on. thats the result
of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull
the voices haven't stopped so i can use it again
its darkness in the battlefield. hallucinogens
clinging to your memories like velcro and shame
kick you in the cervix. go and melt in the rain

big baby · 10-20-2014, 11:36 PM

ughh sick title. will feed later

dead man · 10-21-2014, 12:17 AM

roger that

razor wayans damon blades · 10-21-2014, 12:44 AM

very very funny ending line. Kick you in the cervix?? Tarantulas skull is very..good, forgive me, but was meant to signify the imagery that an arachnid-type sees things in more than one perspective (spiders have like 34934 eyes) and a mountain lion is generally seen as an aggressive animal? it's a good line! Wowzers. Pretty good all throughout - you had a tiny voice speaking to me - i wonder if he can tell me more? ???

Zen · 10-21-2014, 08:44 AM

From the "find the machines" line until the end was flawless writing. I'd leave better feed but I think I've said it all two hundred times before lol. Dope.

sral · 10-21-2014, 10:53 AM

when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir
pardon me im babbling on. thats the result
of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull

that imagerys sickening. would sig it if i had the room.

too dope.

Eŋg · 10-23-2014, 11:40 PM

i'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you.

dead man · 10-24-2014, 04:24 PM

bb, zen, el-larz - thanks

eng - ok?

Wise Wiggles · 11-20-2014, 07:18 PM

dug it. along with that madness collected piece. you still got the magic. I need to get back in the game.

Coup · 11-20-2014, 07:42 PM

Each line remembered the previous one. Cunningly devised.

Split Eight · 08-01-2016, 07:31 PM

"i lecture, you lead. thats always been the routine
cultivating a paradise ever out of your reach
feel that rumble in your feet and walk to find the machines"

dead man · 08-02-2016, 09:23 AM

Love u

veritas · 08-02-2016, 07:22 PM

Sooooooooo......this is a piece about the mood disorder you got after a bad breakup?

big baby · 08-02-2016, 08:10 PM

it's pretty neat watching you mature and get better as a writer. Thanks. Will fulfill my 3 year old promise later.

Split Eight · 08-03-2016, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by big baby

it's pretty neat watching you mature and get better as a writer. Thanks. Will fulfill my 3 year old promise later.

here I always thought BB made 7 month old promises

Geno · 08-08-2016, 08:21 AM

Cave wall canopy was sick as i comprehended it anyway. Nice work. Ill drop some d school relationship type shit soon. Parhaps later

Sylvia Black · 08-21-2016, 10:58 AM

hey

“ wash and rinse and repeat. you put the miss in mystique…”

You’ve started with nice flow, straight off the bat.
Nice spin with miss/mystique.

“when we connect i feel a sense of relief. Hesitantly…”

Interesting words connecting here with ‘sense of relief’ and then followed up with ‘hesitantly’

“echo, you screamed. cave-wall canopy right next to the street
mineral residue on a vitamin beach…”

Mineral residue on a vitamin beach? You’re kidding me. I like that.
Those words burst with imagery, imagery that shouldn’t make sense,
but it does. That quirky factor flavours well.

“i lecture, you lead. thats always been the routine
cultivating a paradise ever out of your reach…”

Very interesting. The dominance and certainty is a tad shocking, but…draws the reader in at the same time. Cultivating beauty she’ll never know, leaves me with a ‘pause effect’ if you know what I mean.

“feel that rumble in your feet and walk to find the machines
and once you do, you will die. rest in peace…”

Wow. I didn’t expect that lack of empathy or at least that’s how it felt to me.
A stone cold certainty comes from his cemented knowledge.
It’s eerie.

“its a lonely trek back to where we camped in the fall
its work and home and feels like something traveled abroad…”

Interesting how he reminisces and then brings up the mundane, daily, ho hum of life.
The engaging thing here, for me, is the fact that he said ‘feels like (something) traveled abroad…’
as if…it was his mind that’s got the passport, and not his whole being.
I find that detachment, enticing.

“its lithium. its chemicals the canvas recalls
when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir…” –Oh yes.

I like how you say ‘the canvas recalls’ as if the person, because of the manic depression or mania, because of the need for mood stabilizers, isn’t really a person at all.
But just a canvas of different shades of hyperactivity, anger, aggression, the list goes on…and on…and on…

“pardon me im babbling on. thats the result…”

Introducing…the rushed speech. Brilliant.
I love that you said that. Perrrrfect.

“of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull -----Very nice.
the voices haven't stopped so i can use it again…”---lol. …and again…

“its darkness in the battlefield. hallucinogens
clinging to your memories like velcro and shame…”

Velcro and shame? Damn. That’s good. I’m not sure if I’m in awe or annoyed.

“kick you in the cervix. go and melt in the rain…”

Yep, there’s that Mentos and Coke effect.

That’s a sickening, serene ending.
And I love it.

Well, I have to say, this was great.
The more I read it, the more I see.

Very talented.
Honest, talented writing.

Great read.

I see some writers; including you dead man, put numbers at the end of feed.
I don’t know what those numbers stand for, but I shall put one too… the chemical element of atomic number …..

…3

Lithium is also given for post traumatic stress.
I may have to take it because of your last line.

Ghost1 · 08-22-2016, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sylvia Black

hey

“ wash and rinse and repeat. you put the miss in mystique…”

You’ve started with nice flow, straight off the bat.
Nice spin with miss/mystique.

“when we connect i feel a sense of relief. Hesitantly…”

Interesting words connecting here with ‘sense of relief’ and then followed up with ‘hesitantly’

“echo, you screamed. cave-wall canopy right next to the street
mineral residue on a vitamin beach…”

Mineral residue on a vitamin beach? You’re kidding me. I like that.
Those words burst with imagery, imagery that shouldn’t make sense,
but it does. That quirky factor flavours well.

“i lecture, you lead. thats always been the routine
cultivating a paradise ever out of your reach…”

Very interesting. The dominance and certainty is a tad shocking, but…draws the reader in at the same time. Cultivating beauty she’ll never know, leaves me with a ‘pause effect’ if you know what I mean.

“feel that rumble in your feet and walk to find the machines
and once you do, you will die. rest in peace…”

Wow. I didn’t expect that lack of empathy or at least that’s how it felt to me.
A stone cold certainty comes from his cemented knowledge.
It’s eerie.

“its a lonely trek back to where we camped in the fall
its work and home and feels like something traveled abroad…”

Interesting how he reminisces and then brings up the mundane, daily, ho hum of life.
The engaging thing here, for me, is the fact that he said ‘feels like (something) traveled abroad…’
as if…it was his mind that’s got the passport, and not his whole being.
I find that detachment, enticing.

“its lithium. its chemicals the canvas recalls
when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir…” –Oh yes.

I like how you say ‘the canvas recalls’ as if the person, because of the manic depression or mania, because of the need for mood stabilizers, isn’t really a person at all.
But just a canvas of different shades of hyperactivity, anger, aggression, the list goes on…and on…and on…

“pardon me im babbling on. thats the result…”

Introducing…the rushed speech. Brilliant.
I love that you said that. Perrrrfect.

“of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull -----Very nice.
the voices haven't stopped so i can use it again…”---lol. …and again…

“its darkness in the battlefield. hallucinogens
clinging to your memories like velcro and shame…”

Velcro and shame? Damn. That’s good. I’m not sure if I’m in awe or annoyed.

“kick you in the cervix. go and melt in the rain…”

Yep, there’s that Mentos and Coke effect.

That’s a sickening, serene ending.
And I love it.

Well, I have to say, this was great.
The more I read it, the more I see.

Very talented.
Honest, talented writing.

Great read.

I see some writers; including you dead man, put numbers at the end of feed.
I don’t know what those numbers stand for, but I shall put one too… the chemical element of atomic number …..

…3

Lithium is also given for post traumatic stress.
I may have to take it because of your last line.

hey mama hit my pm box. x0x0x

10-20-2014, 11:35 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,468 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	LITHIUM SKULL hey wash and rinse and repeat. you put the miss in mystique when we connect i feel a sense of relief. hesitantly echo, you screamed. cave-wall canopy right next to the street mineral residue on a vitamin beach i lecture, you lead. thats always been the routine cultivating a paradise ever out of your reach feel that rumble in your feet and walk to find the machines and once you do, you will die. rest in peace its a lonely trek back to where we camped in the fall its work and home and feels like something traveled abroad its lithium. its chemicals the canvas recalls when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir pardon me im babbling on. thats the result of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull the voices haven't stopped so i can use it again its darkness in the battlefield. hallucinogens clinging to your memories like velcro and shame kick you in the cervix. go and melt in the rain __________________ Zack Wicks for president

10-21-2014, 12:17 AM	#3
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,468 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	roger that __________________ Zack Wicks for president

10-21-2014, 10:53 AM	#6
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,267 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir pardon me im babbling on. thats the result of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull that imagerys sickening. would sig it if i had the room. too dope. __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

10-24-2014, 04:24 PM	#8
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,468 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	bb, zen, el-larz - thanks eng - ok? __________________ Zack Wicks for president

11-20-2014, 07:18 PM	#9
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	dug it. along with that madness collected piece. you still got the magic. I need to get back in the game. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

10-21-2014, 12:44 AM	#4
razor wayans damon blades Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 43 Rep Power: 3501588	very very funny ending line. Kick you in the cervix?? Tarantulas skull is very..good, forgive me, but was meant to signify the imagery that an arachnid-type sees things in more than one perspective (spiders have like 34934 eyes) and a mountain lion is generally seen as an aggressive animal? it's a good line! Wowzers. Pretty good all throughout - you had a tiny voice speaking to me - i wonder if he can tell me more? ???

10-21-2014, 08:44 AM	#5
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	From the "find the machines" line until the end was flawless writing. I'd leave better feed but I think I've said it all two hundred times before lol. Dope.

10-23-2014, 11:40 PM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,146 Rep Power: 0	i'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you.

11-20-2014, 07:42 PM	#10
Coup Don't believe the hype Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 572 Battle Record: 4-5 Rep Power: 0	Each line remembered the previous one. Cunningly devised.

08-02-2016, 09:23 AM	#12
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,468 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Love u __________________ Zack Wicks for president

08-08-2016, 08:21 AM	#16
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Cave wall canopy was sick as i comprehended it anyway. Nice work. Ill drop some d school relationship type shit soon. Parhaps later __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

08-21-2016, 10:58 AM	#17
Sylvia Black Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 3 Rep Power: 0	hey “ wash and rinse and repeat. you put the miss in mystique…” You’ve started with nice flow, straight off the bat. Nice spin with miss/mystique. “when we connect i feel a sense of relief. Hesitantly…” Interesting words connecting here with ‘sense of relief’ and then followed up with ‘hesitantly’ “echo, you screamed. cave-wall canopy right next to the street mineral residue on a vitamin beach…” Mineral residue on a vitamin beach? You’re kidding me. I like that. Those words burst with imagery, imagery that shouldn’t make sense, but it does. That quirky factor flavours well. “i lecture, you lead. thats always been the routine cultivating a paradise ever out of your reach…” Very interesting. The dominance and certainty is a tad shocking, but…draws the reader in at the same time. Cultivating beauty she’ll never know, leaves me with a ‘pause effect’ if you know what I mean. “feel that rumble in your feet and walk to find the machines and once you do, you will die. rest in peace…” Wow. I didn’t expect that lack of empathy or at least that’s how it felt to me. A stone cold certainty comes from his cemented knowledge. It’s eerie. “its a lonely trek back to where we camped in the fall its work and home and feels like something traveled abroad…” Interesting how he reminisces and then brings up the mundane, daily, ho hum of life. The engaging thing here, for me, is the fact that he said ‘feels like (something) traveled abroad…’ as if…it was his mind that’s got the passport, and not his whole being. I find that detachment, enticing. “its lithium. its chemicals the canvas recalls when you time it right and hang it on the wall, au revoir…” –Oh yes. I like how you say ‘the canvas recalls’ as if the person, because of the manic depression or mania, because of the need for mood stabilizers, isn’t really a person at all. But just a canvas of different shades of hyperactivity, anger, aggression, the list goes on…and on…and on… “pardon me im babbling on. thats the result…” Introducing…the rushed speech. Brilliant. I love that you said that. Perrrrfect. “of a mountain lion trapped in a tarantula's skull -----Very nice. the voices haven't stopped so i can use it again…”---lol. …and again… “its darkness in the battlefield. hallucinogens clinging to your memories like velcro and shame…” Velcro and shame? Damn. That’s good. I’m not sure if I’m in awe or annoyed. “kick you in the cervix. go and melt in the rain…” Yep, there’s that Mentos and Coke effect. That’s a sickening, serene ending. And I love it. Well, I have to say, this was great. The more I read it, the more I see. Very talented. Honest, talented writing. Great read. I see some writers; including you dead man, put numbers at the end of feed. I don’t know what those numbers stand for, but I shall put one too… the chemical element of atomic number ….. …3 Lithium is also given for post traumatic stress. I may have to take it because of your last line. Last edited by Sylvia Black; 08-21-2016 at 11:02 AM.