01-10-2019, 08:13 PM | #1 |
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Maximus vs Sinacog[OPEN FOR VOTES]
NWL:Season I: Week X
Verses ares due: THURSDAY at 11:59 PM EST Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30 Voting on 2 battles is required. TOPIC: @Maximus @Sinacog Last edited by Inno; 01-15-2019 at 03:27 PM. |
01-11-2019, 01:54 PM | #2 |
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check check yo
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01-11-2019, 11:18 PM | #3 |
Sini
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check
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01-11-2019, 11:42 PM | #4 |
Sini
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The seas the breeze, a dark catharsis - their hands join together and harbor darkness
Sought their jargon, he's her knight in shining armor, their two hearts are sought as heartless Green grassy hills and meadows glisten In the moonlight, their love booms shine Their souls are two bright, when their eyes align, they see the true light They're soul mates who harbor love of two doves of Noah's Ark When he showed his sleeve for her glee, she showed her heart She build monuments and kingdoms for her knight, showed him light He showed her darkness, and showed her his light in a dark catharsis They loved to love each other, they froliced through meadows of daisy's They froliced through meadows, and kingdoms of glee, seeing the gleam They see light in darkness, saw the gleaming light in a dark catharsis Two star crossed lovers, loved to love each other, loved to kiss and hug each other In the night they're Romeo and Juliet, Dante' and Beatrice; they see the light in the darkness They sought with their jargon, they found the light in the darkest catharsis When night comes, they make love, they loved each other from soul to heart From essence to spirit, they wrote songs for each other, and sung the lyrics In the night, they mourn each other, though none are death's sought They are life's sought, death is sought when they die for each other day by day In the night, they tongue kiss in creative tongues, fairy's never forsake their hums When the moonlight caresses their body's, the day hugs in the day, they look upon the rainbow ocean, see days and rays of light They see days and rays of plight, days and rays of sight See the light in the darkness, they are two doves in a dark catharsis Sought the heartless, sought the jargon, see the light in a dark rainbow Rainbows frolic in meadows and river streams, serene the sea The breeze is sliced with their love in the air, they are two doves in the air The night seas the day, beaming rays, with leaves of grace Sea the waves, breeze the day, leaves of grace, shade their face The night breaks day, leaves of grace, frolic with rainbows of singing rings He loves her more than their kingdom, where they are king and queen.. Good luck, check mate. Last edited by Sinacog; 01-20-2019 at 01:20 AM. |
01-15-2019, 01:36 PM | #5 |
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grab my hand and let's escape from the cage, the captor's grasp
as the chains and shackles snap, let's fly like a graduate's cap i'll put you under my wings, shield you from the raptor's glance we'll ascend close to sun, our feathers have no candle wax grab my hand and let's advance even though we have no map we'll follow Cupid's arrow to a pool of bliss where passion baths lovebirds.. we'll wear our heart on these sleeves, no fashion fads and with all the strings attached we'll make a perfect handicraft grab my hand, the odds are stacked but unified we stand a chance i'll be your hurricane lamp when the wind of disaster slaps we'll weather the storm together and bask in the aftermath i'll save you from an avalanche, become your airbag in a crash grab my hand and let's vanish like black magic in a flash away from our fam and clan as we flee this tract of land breath of fresh air's what we crave, far from the miasmic gas entrapped in this vast expanse, let's ramp to the astral paths grab my hand let's travel fast and escape this habitat let's levitate to higher planes beyond the range of blasting flak caught in a seraphic trance, our union is a hallowed pact indeed we are aptly matched, between us there's no massive gap grab my hand, lets walk together, true love gives you cataract i don't see your flaws, you're perfect, the rest are substandard trash our love is real, it's far from a fake act with phantom casts it's more than a dragons wrath, cant be quenched by shattered dams grab my hand and lets dash like athletes running laps on tracks away from this hamlet's slabs like refugees when factions clash they try to break us like the last straw on a camel's back they wanna see our passion flagged but it keeps waxing adamant grab my hand and hold me close, you're my sacred talisman i'll catch lightning bolts for you, the types that turn sand to glass if loving is a savage act and a judge had the gavel slammed we'll both hang from the gallows branch, its an everlasting romance... |
01-17-2019, 11:19 PM | #6 | ||
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Quote:
This was pretty bad dude. Not feeling it at all. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote:
I appreciate you kept a rhyme scheme all the way through but there were definitely spots where you were reaching for a rhyme and it hurt the meaning and flow. Some phrases that just didn't make much sense or seem coherent. "Grab my hand" is very repetitive but it went with the picture. I don't think this was that good but Sinacog's was far worse so you get my vote. V Maximus |
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01-20-2019, 10:33 PM | #7 |
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Ok, I did my usual dissections and gave both a fair assessment. Sinacog's verse has potential, both in creativity as well as visual depth and attempts to pull one in but yet pushes on away with the force repetition of phrases such as the catharsis, as well as in other areas throughout. Not sure if this was on intentional but left me with a disconnect when I was initially being connected and this patterned occur several times throughout. Maximus on the other hand had a pattern but was consistent with his flex, he brought some interesting concepts but it seemed he didn't attempt to flex too hard. However I like the fact that he was attempting to guide the one into the story and did not draw me away from the topic at hand (nothing seemed as a reach imo). I have seen better from Max before but it was decently written.
Overall it was an ok battle, nothing to go gaga about. But due to Sin drawing me away several times and Max keeping me engaged, I'm giving it to Max.
__________________
https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz Last edited by Master Rock; 01-21-2019 at 08:27 AM. |
01-21-2019, 08:20 AM | #8 |
............
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Idk why Dragon's font is that small, but yeah...I know your hated on here probably as much as I am tbh.
I'll vote when I have time to read both verses properly, & find my glasses... |
01-21-2019, 01:58 PM | #9 |
rockkFresh
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Sinacog,
Opening started out cool. Not sure if sought as heartless makes sense, also, I would've used a different word than sought as to not use it twice to keep the same scheme going. Liked in imagery but then something like love booms shine. “love booms shine”. That doesn’t make sense to me. Dark catharsis, I get it. It’s becoming repetitive. Fairies not forsaking their hums, that’s pretty cool. Closer was dope. I don’t know how I feel about this piece. I actually liked most of the wording, and shit flowed really smooth for the most part. What kind of ruined this for me, was the repetitiveness. Dark catharsis, jargon, sought, sought, sought, light.. I feel like if certain lines were removed, where it was just a reiteration of something already said, this would have made for a more, straight to the point piece, which I would have preferred. Good piece, just, got boring to me having to re-read certain things. It was cool for a bit, but I think it was done too much. Still solid though. Maximus, Cool. Looks like you’re sticking to a scheme. passion baths. Lost me. I wanted to read it with baths rhyming, but it makes more sense as bathes. i'll save you from an avalanche, become your airbag in a crash. Should’ve kept the scheme going bruh! Anyways, read the rest of the piece, and it was cool. Repetitive as well with the , grab my hand, but, I got over it. I liked that you tried to keep a consistent scheme and threw internals in which made some of the switch ups transition better. There were parts of Sinacog’s verse I enjoyed more. His rhyming, his imagery, but- It was just too repetitive for me, the good was outweighed by what made me lose interest. Maximus had a solid verse, was less repetitive (which was weird that both guys used repetition) but, it wasn’t as bad. It kept me more interested than Sinacog’s verse. Im’a have to give it to him for that reason alone. vMaximus |
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