Week 3 Mag

[Sharp]

[Intro]
[User]

Whattup whattup it’s ya boy UserName aka BIG THUNDER aka Dr. Lickitslow. So, it’s my turn to do Previews this week, and luckily, we’re still under 20 battlers, so this should go pretty quickly. Ordinarily, I leave this sort of thing to the people who have something to say – but Hush got tired of running his mouth this week, so HERE I AM. I’d like to take this moment to give props and say that while it’s ONLY been two weeks, this league has been fun as hell and runs like a well-oiled machine thanks to Sharp. Also shout-outs to the regular group of weekly contributors like Amen (and Hush) and Silver (lol). With that said, LET’S GET WIT’ THE SHITS….



This is your fault, @Destroyer


[So What the Fuck are You Doing, Sharp?]

Yeah, battles are in a different forum now. You also can’t post there normally now. Your posts are automatically hidden and only show up once I approve them.

What that means is, you can vote normally, I can see and tally your votes, but no one else can see your vote. Since our big concern happens to be piggybacking or copy/pasting the first or second vote, this means you have to think for yourself. I’ll make all votes visible once a battle is decided, so you still have to explain them and feedback is encouraged.

If you want to post your verse, that’s fine too. It’s the same as PMing me - it won’t show up until I manually allow it. The only drawback is, you can’t @ your opponent. I would ask that you do that in the chat thread so there’s a very public record of it, but I’ll keep an eye out this week and notify people just in case.

It’s an adjustment. It’s different. It’s a little weird. But I think it’s for the best. This is the best group of text battlers on the internet (I said it @BodySnatcher) and you all deserve the best league. Do whatever you have to do to keep up the dope verses and solid votes, I’ll fill in the gaps.


[Reviews]
[Amen]

Another week in the books and only 1 no show! Great job. This week I’m going to do something a little bit different as far as reviewing each battle. I’m going to include Accuracy, was the concept an accurate observation based off the picture as well as the standard creative effectiveness of a concept. So how accurate was the concept created based off the picture observation and whether it was effective or not. There were so many great bars this past week and I’m glad I was able to read majority of them… So again, good job, bros. I’d like to start off with the Battle in which I felt was probably the BATTLE OF THE WEEK.

Zuch vs Resin MIC

This battle was fire. I really did enjoy it and caught a few LOL’s from some of the content. I think Zuch seems to OD on concepts a bit much, tho. It’s like he goes off on the 1st concept that comes to mind, for an example – Resin appears to have Asian descent so he wrote literally almost every bar using an Asian reference. IMO, that’s an ineffective angle to take when battling… It gets very redundant and boring after the first few bars, feel me? He wasn’t bad here up until the end portion of his verse where every bar had an Asian reference.

ZUCH
His opening bar wasn’t much aside from an obvious observation converted in to a mediocre concept that ended up being a ineffective punch. William Hung reference was over my head, as I didn’t know who that was up until doing these reviews I google’d him and LOL instantly. Maybe I should start google’n bars? Hell nah… Very accurate and creative punch. The Special bar was accurate and nice however it was kept so simple. I think you could of did more with that to make it a bit more harsher instead of executing it with “You mom met your social worker.” – that just seemed unfinished as if it was a check swing or “faint” from a boxing perspective, feel me? But again, pretty accurate picture observation. Fancy Feast I didn’t care for – too simple and corny – not much of an insult unless something flew over my head here then I apologize. Opium den was another Asian reference however a bit funny and added a humorous visual. I instantly thought of Tropic Thunder, when reading this bar lol. Shank you was ANOTHER Asian reference, lol. This one was simple but effective. I mean I get it, not much you can say about someone’s face nearly blocked off by a ton of glass cups but sheesh, be creative… Maybe attack his height? Maybe incorporate that middle finger he’s sticking up in to a well developed concept/punch – idk but something different lol. Slant Route ANOTHER Asian reference (See my point now? I hope you do lol…) was cool and then the closer ANOTHER Asian reference lmao… Jesus… You must have been that dude in school who would repeat the same joke a 100 times to the same people expecting the same result you got the 1st time, eh? Overall – I can’t really judge your accuracy as majority off the verse was pretty 1 dimensional and stuck on the Asian concept which to me is why I felt you took the L here.

RESIN
Opening bar set the tone of the verse. Accuracy was nice and formulated a great concept which was a little wordy but for the most part executed nicely. Garbage raccoon pun was probably LOTB – I mean everything about this bar was dope. Flipped a couple of observations to generate an effective hard landing punch – so DOPE shit. Didn’t care for gram stories much. Cancer fight was ruthless – again the accuracy was there – well worded concept executed nicely. Wasn’t too crazy about Sail/Nautica either. Boy wonder was ok – I mean, I think you could’ve done a bit more with that but alright. Tennis ball/Asian flip was clever but a slight reach, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a yellow tennis ball, lol… Green. I enjoyed your closing bar as well. Overall a pretty solid verse. A few punches missed but for the most part the accuracy of your concepts generated from the pic observations were put together and executed well. Good shit and props.

RESIN with the W.


Username vs FGR

BATTLE OF THE WEEK Runner up. This was dope as well. If FGR can work on his wording and executing his concepts a bit better – he going to be a problem. His concepts are there but hindered. User stepped all the way up for this one… Not exactly sure what he did last week but this week the boy dropped some heat. Still had some filler here and there but also threw some nice punches that were accurate based off his observation perspective of the image provided.

FGR
Opening bar had so much potential. Concept there, accuracy there execution lacked. Now tell me, is more offensive to say he dating his sister or dating SOMEONE who looks like his sister – see what I mean? I think it would’ve been a bit more harsher if you actually stated “While he’s dating his”. That’s what I mean about you execution hinder your concepts. It’s like you wind back up for the punch, extend but then open the fist for a slap – if you get what I mean. Next bar – I wasn’t too crazy about but had a little bit of humor tied in – I will always appreciate those. Accepted Jonah Hill reference was over my head till I google’d it for this review so… While the size is fairly accurate I don’t think user resembles him much or at all. The following bar was ok. Another fat reference which just needed a bit more to land effectively, IMO. Maybe more humor/maybe conceptually IDK but needed something more. Kylie Jenner challenge concept was good, but just wasn’t harsh – needed a little more thought and harsher execution. Powdered doughnuts was comical – I really enjoyed that bar and probably your best bar so far. This should have been the opener that would’ve set the tone of your verse. Open nicely and close out even nicer. You set that bar up nicely, as well lol… Need more of these from you. PS$4 Light was good as well… Provided a visual and was accurate lol. I wasn’t feeling the knotty hair reference – I think you could’ve done more with that concept as a whole conceptually. And last but not least Combing the Woods was a really dope concept generated from your pic observation – this is what I mean by taking an observation, conceptually forming a nicely delivered and executed punch. SLIGHTLY over worded but still dope. You could’ve certainly did more with less. Overall another decent verse from you, work on harshly delivering and executing your concepts with precise wording and you’ll be straight, bro.

UserName
Opener had a lot of filler and just nice flow too it. As far as a punch, way to basic. Next bar I wasn’t crazy about either but do feel you could’ve did more with the pigs ass concept lol. Accuracy there just not feeling how you delivered and executed the concept. LOL Kkkashius sisters armpits was a funny visual. His “Beard is weird” – MGK for sure, nice and accurate punch. Ouches jag was another accurate and effective punch with a creative and relevant twist to it lol – nice job. DeWalt was a good concept/pic observation. Better Dayz had some much potential I just feel your execution was a bit soft/corny which you followed up with a attempt at humor and to me failed, lol. Should’ve been a little more creative with this or harsher. Shower and backseat were both fire. Nit much I can really say here aside from the obvious that was already mentioned. I think you picked up steam in the 2nd half of your verse and fell in to “It’s not how you start but indeed how you finish” phrase and you finished off nicely. Your wording is good, executions sometimes needs a little more snap/harshness but overall you did a lot better this week then the week prior so props.

Username with the W


Hush vs Adverse

This battle was pretty one sided here and I think experience was the main reason why. While Hush has pic battled plenty – This was Adverses 2nd one ever, has he mentioned in last weeks mag being new to the text battle genre. As far as accuracy – Hush was on point with nearly every punch in which he took an observation from the picture and created a nice concept/effective punch. So conceptually Hush won by a landslide but again, experience played a huge role here.

Hush
Changing gears was nice and accurate pic observation in which you formed a concept. Not sure if it’s mind fuckery but after zooming in on the picture, the shine on the pokeball certainly matched the shine on his head too me, lmao… IDK but pretty effective. I liked the thumbnail concept – just wasn’t really feeling the execution of it. I even zoomed in to see if I’d see like maybe a long thumbnail or something but nah… Snow white, Fairy tale play was clever and nice. Tough luck hairline punch, SMH… As a fellow bald person this was offensive… but accurate LMAO. RPG bar was another good one… Wasn’t feeling the Shit in the bag bar… Kind of bland to me and feel you could’ve did more with that conceptually. And closer was fire, another bald reference haha but delivered and executed nicely. Overall, accuracy was on point and developed some nice concepts which you delivered and executed well… Good shit.

Adverse
Your opener had so much potential man. I think you mildly executed it, tho. I’m not sure if it was how you worded it or if conceptually lacked but something about it seemed mild and needed more of an impact to land effectively. Trend setter concept was a miss for me, but did like the concept of orange jump suit and think you could’ve did more with that, just needed a little more thought. If I hadn’t been around forever and seen Vick pic battle a lot – the eye brow reference would have been nice. I’ve just seen that angle tossed at him so many times this just came off as basic and boring to me. Won’t say played because a dope flip can make a played concept effective – you just kept it simple with no real creative twist that could’ve made this an effective pic observation. Robranda/Silver fox play was ok, nothing serious but cool. Lmao @ the EXIS diss… Real talk I didn’t even notice the dog in the background along the tree line till I just zoomed in – wish I would’ve came across this when initially reading the battle, my bad bro hahaha but that bar is what you need more off had a lot of the elements needed to make a good pic battle bar. Next bar was way too much of a statement for me… You did nothing with it… No humor, no real insult… Nothing. Cooked and Peeled was a great concept that you over worded and could’ve did more damage with less, if you know what I’m saying? Cool observation, tho.

Hush with the W.


Zaddy vs Wanderer

This was a pretty one sided battle considering Zelph is sooooo one dimensional. If he isn’t flipping gun bars, he’s your average trash textcee. I would’ve thought he was going to drop something remotely close to being decent/good but of course he didn’t and I am extremely upset with him over it. You better dropped some shit next week or I will take an oath to vote against you in every battle from here on out with out fear of making my hate votes public for all to see, are we clear?

Zaddy
Trash, garbage, dumper juice.

Wanderer
The fact that you missed every opportunity to murder this dude just off of the simple fact he’s standing next to a chick (I’d like to think) with a Mexican mans head photo shopped on to it is a bit concerning to me. You have zero mentions of this. ZERO, ugh. Anyways, wasn’t feeling your opener much. End of the line concept was nice – I liked it. Lets be real any mention of Zelph’s lip will NEVER get old. I liked the creative angle on the strap/can play but felt you could’ve executed that in a more harsh manner. Sex on the beach was another cool one that just needed a bit more insult factor behind it – maybe needed more conceptually but definitely had potential to be dope. Next bar was not good, besides if that thing sent you nudes it would legit probably have been a dick pic. Closer didn’t make much sense to me. YOu have some cool ideas/pic observations now just take some time developing insults and creatively incorporating some type of concept and you’ll be straight. Keep at it, you’ll get the hang of it.

Wanderer with the W.


Neighbor vs Mac

Neighbor
Opener was nice and a pretty creative angle on for a pic observation. Lmao @ neck for days, tho – this was another good shot followed up with another. I liked the LBGQ angle here… So far consistently jabbing/punching. Wasn’t really feeling the flatten the curve concept – like the pic observation but the concept to me was weak. Hard part was fire and lol. Blue balls was ok, needed a bit more, IMO. Gender was solid. Wording, concepts and Accuracy was on point here, much better verse then last week. Nice solid verse.

Mac
I like the route your opener was going but the execution of that concept just didn’t go. Selfie/therapist concept wasn’t good. I like the reflect on self concept but not how you executed it. Sepia bar was good – you need more of these types of bars in your verses. The neigh so bloody /iron dry itself was off – didn’t like that much nor did it make much sense to me. Rocky body had potential – wasn’t feeling the route you took with it, tho. Jar Jar Binks was over my head until I google’d it and was inaccurate miss for me. Closer was ok just needed a little more sting. I liked the concept and how it was executed but just came out soft. Overall you still need some work but improving. You had some good concepts, now just think them through and try to deliver them as harsh as possible.

Neighbor with the W.


Bomb Bard suggested I did not review his battle and lashed out calling EXIS a dog fucking faggot. Not sure what that was about but ok, I’ll respect your wishes – Your verse sucked anyway, lol… Just kidding bro…

Bomb Bard with the W.


Destroyer vs I got shine

This should’ve been considered a double no show. We get it Des, you were trying to mock UPN and be funny writing in that manner except it wasn’t funny.

Destroyer with the W, BARELY.


Inno vs Blue Bayou

Inno no showed.

I really would like to see Inno take this league serious and write a verse. I mean he can certainly write a verse of a picture with a tree with an apple hanging in the moon light, I’d like to see how his topical strengths would fair here conceptually.

Blue Bayou
Opener was nice and an accurate reference, lol. Hydro bill was good. Fighting off sharks/journey from Cuba was dope – I fuck w/ it. I liked Cropping as well but another Cashius reference this week, my god lol… Toaster reference was solid. The personal regarding his employment was a nice personal to throw in the verse. Open fire on Cubans was ok. LOL @ the next bar… The fuck is up with his ear, tho? Adore a door was fire. Last bar was wack. Overall another solid verse from you this week, bro. Keep up the good shit.

Blue with the W via HoShow.


TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO vs Snitching is Gangsta

Snitching No showed, as expected… Fucking troll.

TOP iLL dropped the verse of the DECADE here. Kimbo Slice pic observation was spot on – this bar is on levels unmatched. Flow on the rest of your verse was solid. Dope showing, keep at it. Hopefully this week your opponent shows up if they aren’t too scared.


Pretty sure that wraps up the week of reviews… As mentioned prior, dope week so lets keep the steam going! Good bars this week, certainly a lot of quotable bars this week – picking top ten punches will not be hard. The only hard part will be deciding which one was better, lol.

I’m out… ez


[Top Punches]
[Sharp]

In no particular order

Destroyer vs I Got Shine
Looks like u took one too many dicks to the eye bish
How the fuck ur right eye looking blacker than my wife’s shit?

Hush vs Adverse
When u showed up to comic con as donkey Kong I bet u got all the props bro
Quit the gun lines .. only thing u ever loaded up was rpg simulators and nachos

TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO vs Snitching is Gangsta
Did you have a stroke god damn I’m near vexed
Your doctor is not hip to the lingo but he diagnosed that arm as a weird flex

Resin M-I-C vs Zuch
He aint an animal in SC. Let me chime in on ya bracket..
u made a lil noise w/ garbage.. so it‘s fitting to see a racoon behind all of that Racket.

Username vs FGR
Were you reading the mag? Dude, I've got this V in the bag
I was showered with praise, while your last wash involved Febreze and a rag

Adverse vs Hush
The seasoned vet! Way he's wielding those tongs you can see he's got skill
It ain't that he's a master chef, he's just used to having mad wieners on his grill

Wanderer vs Zelph
Fuck’s up with ur mouth?! Those lips got Botox fillin em?
Ur at the end of the line. Looks like u already got hooked by a fisherman

Mac vs Neighbor
humans regressed a few centuries thanks to this hobo
there's so much Sepia in' that photo I almost missed the Homo

Blue Bayou vs Inno
give your head a shake & think of your children cunt
no good father pays $300 for some Hydro without paying that bill in months
loving words are never getting dropped by the family
shit if your wife mentions adore, she’s describing how you got to Miami

Zuch vs Resin M-I-C
Strokes can be fast and furious, and I know you got hit
Because your right eye stalls out while the left one goes Tokyo drift

FGR vs Username
This pic screams sunscreen n melanoma.. I mean it! ...y'all are that white
So fucking pale you & your girl could go tanning next to a PS4 power light

Neighbor vs Mac
Mac, I’m concerned; the fact you ain’t got a mask’s just disturbing
This fag hopped in the chair at Supercuts & told his stylist, “#FlattenTheCurve me”





[Roast Review]
[Sharp]
This roast was hilarious. Great shit to everyone who participated. Each verse had some standouts that I really fucked with and they all were good reads.I'm judging this week, but I'm hoping to get a different judge for the future roasts (that way it's not just play to my style). Anyway, here are my highlights:
evaD
Just stop this, the way he copy shit is just toxic
Even started rockin’ Adverse’ hairline on his top lip
Wtf is that bulbous mess, shit makes me shudder yo
I’ve heard of double chins but how DJ Flame got a double nose?
This scrawny motherfucker needs to seek a new title
Cus If a chick got gassed over a naked Flame she’d have to be suicidal


UserName
Listen kid, you’re a DJ? I bet it gets lit
If you’re ever around the 1’s and 2’s... it’s literally piss and shit
Your looks get a hard no, & I’d be surprised if you aren’t slow
With a pigment so blinding, devs released a patch to give it a Dark Mode
Face is like a crushed flat omelette, the color of tongue-lashed vomit
You look like Resin had a kid, and Zelph drew his fucked up mustache on it
This kid is anxious to have a lip kiss his anus
Looking like the after effect of “Alexa, please dim the gayness”


Resin M-I-C
u were astonished at his chest fro lying freely
whispering ‘Sweet Nothings’ to him like his pancreas and diabetes
ur parents loathe u.. to u being abused was a choice
ur beating was he said/she said.. like me being confused by your voice
dunno if u just dirty or a gay mexican kid
u could smoke all the weed in the world & still wouldnt be as high as ur estrogen is


Vulgar
You're chemically different, putting together rhymes so splendidly
Your bars facilitated a lot of positive reactors as a student at Chernobyl elementary
In middle school, mostly forsaken with chicks.
so 'extra' nightmarish he was casted as a creature in a Wes Craven flick


Barcotic
DJ Stop Faking, you are NOT making snippets that flow
Flame in the booth? Yeah ..at the mall, taking pictures alone
Your pic isn't just dim and stuff, it's pitch..no sun glare
Doing your best impression of Men in Black...looking like that skin the bug wears


Blue Bayou
great pic sharp, i laugh and just thank it
its great Michael Jackson can look down & know what happened to Blanket
holy fuck guys, my god, this kid is a hack
ON GOD if this isn't Zelph's little brother i'll give up a stack
sure i'm drunk, but you look like you're quick incest
tipsy i do 100lb butterfly curls, i'm not sure you could lift the insect
120lbs soakin wet & you're spreading some AIDS
real reason for the redshirt, there's NO chance coach is letting u play


Winner: Blue Bayou
Like I said up front, as the judge, it's my preference, and the blanket and redshirt lines were two of my favorite. I was torn between a few verses, but Blue was consistently punching at the hardest level for me.

Don't agree? Hit me up to judge the next one, which will be next week. Congrats Blue.


[Power Rankings]
[Sharp]

5. TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO (Last week: Unranked)
Top is the enigma of the league. No one believes its him in the photos, but he’s consistent in character and giving his opponents consistent ammo so no one’s complaining. His verses for the last two weeks have shown that whoever this guy is, he’s fucking funny. In a situation where comedy can be the deciding factor in a battle, TOP is bound to live up to his name. This week he’s up against one of the league’s finest in Zuch, which has him poised for a huge jump with a dub.

4. Zuch (Last week: 4)
Despite a KO loss against Resin, Zuch’s verse was lauded (rightfully so) for being consistent with some quality and original angles against one of text’s best-known faces. Despite a 1-1 record, he’s had two of the best verses this season and facing off against TOP iLL should give him all the ammo he needs to break into the top 3.

3. Blue Bayou (Last week: 5)
Having had a few drinks with Blue, I’m the first to say he’s a funny person. Even I was caught off guard by the sheer comedy in his 20 vs Inno. Inno doesn’t battle much, so central American angles are pretty much the only ones that I see against him. Blue still worked those hilariously while having the hard personals that make him an all time great in regular battles. I don’t see him slowing down against Spree, and based on the previews he may have the best chance of going 3-0 into next week.

2. Resin M-I-C (Last week: 1)
1. Username (Last week: 2)
I know. The two guys at the top switched places. I really see them as interchangeable in sheer power right now, but what it came down to was last week’s verse. Resin’s week one verse was easily my strongest and his raccoon line was THE bar of week two. User has had nothing but comedy and flames for two weeks, with his drop against FGR being arguably the best of the week. This is a possible season finals match and we’re lucky it’s happening now. Whoever wins is establishing themself as the battler to top, not just in week 4, but this whole damn season.

TRUE 1. UH-OH DA GAWD
YOU ALREADY FUCKING KNOW LETS GOOOOO

[Previews]
[User]

Blue Bayou 2-0 vs Bomb Bard 2-0

Blue’s still undefeated, and we’re still wondering when he’s gonna stop caring enough to quit text altogether. That said, he’s still producing quality output, but thankfully his thousand-line battle days seem to be behind him. When he tries, Blue is arguably the best battler on this site. The major knock on him during picture battles is that he doesn’t have the experience of doing them that often, and sometimes struggles with when to keep it over the top witty and when to take the reigns off and just get savagely comedic. He struggles sometimes with when to diss the surface level absurdity of a picture, and when to get creative and take the less obvious approach.
Bomb, on the other hand, I haven’t read too much of prior to the league. That’s why the league is great, there’s tons of fresh faces and styles I hadn’t been exposed to. I know he also goes by Spree, and his week 1 verse toppled the ALLLLLMIGHTY Barcotic. That’s pretty much the high’s of what I’ve seen. He seems to rely on personals a lot, and that can work, I’m just not familiar enough with the material to make an honest call beyond the two or three verses I’ve seen.

Prediction: Blue Bayou


Neighbor 2-0 vs Hush 2-0

Next up in the “battle of the undefeated” category – we have Neighbor vs. Hush. Personally, I think this could easily be a contender for BOTW. When I first got back here to NC, I was iffy on Neighbor. I didn’t do any homework, and was judging by the quality of material he was putting out just prior to the Summer Classic, and it wasn’t really WOW’ing me. Then Zuch of all people linked me to some of his stuff, and I realized I was judging him a little harshly. The guy’s got skill. He hasn’t really had to flex it much here in the league, but Sharp may have been softballing him to let him focus on his SC run. He definitely knows how to attack a picture, and even lends more to the comedic side than most others do.
Hush has got his work cut out for him. He obviously thought hurricane season was over. He’s been bobbing and weaving through the past two weeks, squeaking out victories by quite literally having one or two more lines that voters like more. Maybe it’s because he’s rushing, and getting his battles up within the first two days. He’s got the skill, he just hasn’t risen to the level I know he’s capable of. Hopefully finally having some competition to push him will make him relive his glory days.

Prediction: Neighbor


Resin M-I-C vs Username 2-0
[Sharp]

Apparently User can’t HANDLE predicting his own match with one sentence (ME). I’ll try to look past this.

If you couldn’t tell from my power rankings, I have these two as the guys to beat right now. User and Resin have two distinct styles that have their own draws for voters. I’ll be forthcoming with you all: I’m gonna do a cop out and not call it either way, but here’s why:

Resin has had, in my opinion, the biggest standout bars of the season. His personals are mean in general and when he can tie it to a pic, he’s a force to be reckoned with. User’s biggest personal is ‘fat’, which doesn’t give Resin a ton to work with on paper, but his verse against Seth week one did more with even less. His biggest disadvantage is likely consistency. Last week, Zuch was thought to have a more consistent verse, but Resin’s standouts could not be ignored. This is where User makes his presence known. If Resin leaves the kind of openings he did last week, a good verse from User is a threat and easily a split decision. User’s got a unique level of comedy that can act as a standalone punch. He’s far above observational humor, but he’s probably the most likely in the league to drop a ‘laugh out loud’ bar and that means more here than anywhere else. Resin, on the other hand, is the most likely to make you go ‘damnnnn’. I could see this battle going a lot of ways, and in this situation I usually go with my gut, but my gut just tells me ‘I don’t fuckin know, but it’s gonna be a banger’.

Prediction: BoTW


Adverse 1-1 vs FGR 1-1

As the league goes on, there will be a cast of legitimate contenders, and this right here is a clash between two of them. Adverse is coming off a tough loss to Hush, and sometimes struggles with wording his punches to land with their desired impact. It’s not always that his lines are too wordy, it’s more that he dances around the point of what he’s actually trying to say. I’d call it overthinking. Then again, once or twice a verse, there’s a diamond. A couple of examples that say “I know what I’m doing, and I can do this just as well as anyone around.” But then he usually reverts back to form.
FGR really impressed me this past week. I was gonna give him basically the exact same breakdown that I gave Adverse above, but this week he stepped it up. I NOW have no question that he has the skill, I just hope this wasn’t a one-off showing. This is a good chance for FGR to show he raised the bar, and he’s gonna keep raising it.

Prediction: FGR


Destroyer 1-1 vs Wanderer 1-1

I voted against Des once. Never again. This guy will follow you around like the Grim Reaper waiting for you at every turn with a cow line. Des knows what he’s doing. He can diss a picture with the best of them, and really needs no pointers. He just needs to actually try, which is a tall order in itself. He’s also a victim of rushing, as shown by that lovely little digit in his loss column. That said, he shouldn’t take this battle too lightly, because his opponent could sneak in a win if he isn’t careful.
Wanderer is truly on the cusp of being dope, I just can’t tell if he knows it yet? When he’s on, he’s dropping some of the legitimately most creative stuff of the week – but it’s usually sprinkled in between some rather large chunks of “meh”. It’s peaks and valleys with him. nonononoYES, nonononoYES. Then he loses 4 lines to 6. From a “pointers” perspective, if I can even offer him any, I’d go the same route as FGR/Adverse, and recommend he do less dancing around the point of his disses, and just diss. Don’t get lost stretching something that might be there conceptually into something that turns out witty, but overall ho-hum. Be comedic. Make us laugh.

Prediction: Destroyer


Zuch 1-1 vs TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO 1-1

Zuch McGooch is sort of a renaissance man these days. I wouldn’t say picture battles are his strength by any means, but he knows what to attack and he does it well. His style just lends itself to the more traditional standard battle verse. But here lately it’s transformed a bit, from a tried and true old school approach, with standard setup-punch style, into a really enjoyable entire-verse structure. Each line feels like it’s crafted to not only connect, but set up the next diss. Aside from his Cash battle, he’s not one to stick to one topic for too long and generally tries to diss AS much as he can. It makes him one of my favorites to read these days. That said, he faces a tough up and comer this week, the likes of which we’ve either never seen, or we’ve seen too much of and can’t identify just who he is.
Top’s not a newb. I know that, you know that, that monkey’s out of the bottle man. I don’t know who he is, but when he writes, and tries… he’s one of the best in the league. It’s hard to predict which Top you’re going to get week in and week out though. Sometimes his style comes off jokingly lackadaisical and sometimes he genuinely smashes his opponents to smithereens. This will be a good gauge of which talent level to expect from him going forward.

Prediction: Zuch


Mac 0-2 vs Uh-Oh 1-0

I can’t say enough good things about Mac. The guy’s sort of won me over. I want him to succeed, and he seems like he has the hunger to keep elevating. Conceptually, he’s making his way to the peak – but there are other areas he needs to focus on that only get better with time and practice. This will be a good week to flex and get some work in on dissing a picture that had a lot of ammo, but was noshowed on in week one, so it’s practically still fresh. Best advice I can give is to just do more of the same. You’re on the path, just keep pushing.
Uh-Oh, Mr. MAGA himself, is stepping BACK into the ring to answer the age old call of every newly formed text league: “yo can you jump in, so we can have an even number of competitors?” I’m not gonna gas him up too much. Uh-Oh’s pretty much moved on from text, and is only here to flex his writing skill for that one time in the near future when he has to show someone how to write to one of his beats. He’s classically trained in comedy though, which lends well to the pic battle style. This could be an upset if Mac wins AND an upset if Uh-Oh wins. Way to go fellas, one of a kind battle right here.

Prediction: Mac


evaD 0-0 vs Zaddy 0-2

Dave, I’m guessing, is Dave from UPN. I have no proof to back this up, and to be fair, if he’s not that Dave, I have no clue who he is at all. However, he’s been active on the disc board, and I peeped him in both the Classic and the NBL – and he’s definitely got skill. Highlights I recall are definitely his constant, never-ending, unspoken war with Resin. Those were dope battles. Picking this one is going to come down to which Zelph shows up. Actually nevermind Zelph sucks and I hate him GOODBYE

Prediction: evaD


[Some Positive Observations]
[Sharp]

Considering this is a league about dissing each other's pictures, I'm going to try to counter that with some POSITIVE observations about some of you based on what I've seen instead of all of this being for roasts. I like the idea of doing this here in there FOR GOOD VIBES. Assholes.

- Adverse is probably a 'fun' dad.
- Hush seems to be taking very well being a semi-suburban dad
- FGR looks like about 1/4 of all the Philly contractors I've ever interacted with, but he looks like he's in the top 10% of honesty. If you're looking to pave a driveway or remodel a bathroom in the next year, hit me up.
- User seems like he's be the camera's best friend.
- Wanderer's face looks different from every angle I've ever seen it from.

Maybe I'll do more in another mag. This is enough positive shit. You're all faggots.


[Outro]

Shoutout to User and Amen for their dope contributions. They're thorough, well written, and a refreshing difference in tone. Last week was dope, this week's looking like it could be even better. Next week we have our first two contender matches, meaning this week is the last chance to make the case that you should be vying for our first title. Let's make it dope. Peace.

[Zaddy]

Oh y’all smoking some big fuckin dick With this one

[UserName]

we learned from yo' momma

[Adverse]

This mag was awesome boys props to everyone involved

And @Amen thanks for taking the time to breakdown my battle and telling me why you weren't feeling certain bars instead of just dismissing it as a trash.

[Amen]

No problem man.

[Barcotic]

Lol cool mag

[Mac]

neat.. good stuff

[Hush]

Dope . Thanks bro’s

[Resin M-I-C]

whoa

[Destroyer]

Golden girls remix goes hard

[Blue Bayou]

Dope an accomp
@Sharp @Amen @UserName big props guys this was a great mag

Thanks to all for the effort. Leagues off to a great start

[Sharp]

Forgot to mention, week 2 records and accomps will be updated tonight. Sorry for the delay

[evaD]

Great stuff friends

[Vulgar]

Nice mag

Any chance the new roast goes up?

[Barcotic]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

Nice mag

Any chance the new roast goes up?

This

[Hush]

ok guys, I will get one up with @Sharps blessing

[Barcotic]

Can I diss myself if I supply a pic? Lolll

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Hush

ok guys, I will get one up with @Sharps blessing

I was only planning on doing week 2, 4, 6, and 8, but if Hush supplies a pic and judges, that works

[Hush]

Roast is open. Only because of high demand Sharp. My bad not trying to step on toes here, I'm just eager to help.

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Hush

Roast is open. Only because of high demand Sharp. My bad not trying to step on toes here, I'm just eager to help.

Not at all, I'm happy to see it. I'd just rather not judge every roast so the league doesn't shape itself around what I thinks dope

Looking forward to participating bro