GWL PLAYOFFS RD 2 #2 JOHNNY 6 FEET (6-1) VS # 5 DEAD MAN (5-3) (DEAD MAN WINS)

[Adverse]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@Johnny 6 feet
@dead man

Max line: 50

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

DUE DATE: AUG 3RD @ 11:59PM EST

TOPIC:
“God is dead! He remains dead! And we have killed him.” – Friedrich Nietzsche




GOOD LUCK!

[Johnny 6 feet]

Check Norris.

[dead man]

Ok

[dead man]

we've

discovered a method
for turning false assumption to effort
translating stolen valor into functional measurement
holy Father, the reticent. we pray to picket fences. and
speak in secret tongues through wooden grates for those disinterested
pastor mason, free the chosen
crafting sermons, speaking omens
devil dances demon moans, the ecstasy of evil forces
to Thee, exalted. leave me homeless
begging for a leaky faucet
trekking Mecca, broken sandles
pass away from heat exhaustion
look. we can't create a thing and neither did He
enlightenment crisis, a war of pious belief
riot in the streets sound like a sigh of relief
when wolves come knocking nightly all disguised as the sheep
quiet we keep. i promise sincerely, dying is easy
its like waking up in Georgia in a white limousine
our faith left only Ego. we disguise it as people
while our ever-after stories built us giant cathedrals.
then those all caught on fire. so now we're writing a sequel
we kill eachother back on page three-hundred or so
explaining our extra. experimental schematic
label chemistry as alchemy and physics as magic
overdramatic. panic-stricken in a media culture
walk our dogmas off a cliff and feed em to the vultures
churchgoer, psalm composer, seasoned agnostic
embracing what rebirth provided centuries onward
criticize me. artificial. strike me unconscious
only science survives when angels run out of options





thanks

[Johnny 6 feet]

False Idol

He was a natural; a class clown since day one of kindergarten
Had them rolling in the aisles like an avalanche was starting
'Fun Bobby' he was nicknamed, so he skipped to the stage
At 16 in open mic nights to rousing critical praise
He lit a spark in peoples hearts so they flocked to his flames
The truths he spoke ignited hope like the damned being saved
Soon the agents came a-calling like disciples to a prophet
Booking venues coast to coast so he'd recite for a profit
Bus tours were nationwide, without a single place to hide
The stage lights cast no shadow on the self hate inside

No surprise, his depression was like his stand up; perfect
As the greatest kindness often comes from those who feel worthless
His fame grew like a tumour; more people rushed to his churches
To hear a God of comedy's sermons as they emptied their purses
His nerves were violin strings, a sweet tune that kept him maudlin
His 3rd special was a sell out...

...then Hollywood came calling

Passed around like a cultist's pamphlets, the tickets were sold
His performances turned a silver screen to shades of gold
The box office was unlocked by this gifted Pandora
And Oscars gifted his halo as 'Best New Performer'
Paparazzi chased him down like wolves smelling blood
To put the doubt in every Thomas that his heart was truly good
Tabloids put every niggling detail under a magnifying glass
To get a rise from the dove of hope, in hope he'd fly and crash
His behaviour became erratic; public dismissed it as eccentric
Especially since every psalm he spoke was bliss and electric
Turned a virtual hermit; his agent's statements were measured
As he wandered around his lonely estate like a barren desert
For 40 weeks; his food was ash and wine the blood of the lamb
'til a divine revelation placed his fate into his hands
One more movie; his last, 'His best!' would be the posthumous reviews
3 days of silence at the wrap up turned his home into a tomb

And like Judas; his neighbour found him at the Redbud tree
Sombre slumber; his expression, death had set him free
Fame's snakes had claimed another soul to break for a cheque
And the truth was in the scrawled sign draped round his neck

'Here hangs a false idol, forgive me father, I have sinned
They praised a man, not a messiah, nothing divine within
I've thought this through; there's only one way I will win
To strike my own image down...

God is dead...

I killed him.'

[Universe]

dead man:

Another thought provoking verse here. This piece had some really cool moments that made me do a double take - which is a common theme with a dead man verse. Your lines are so deep that it can be easy to overlook them. You never really tell stories, you sort of skim over the surface of the topic and just dissect it in a different manner. I'm always in awe with how you do that, but this one felt like it NEEDED an actual story to anchor it a little better. These broad strokes that you do, although masterful, have to be centered around a story of some sort. Some sort of character building... I think this topic screams for it. God/religion/science is way too vague to be just preached about - I want a story sometimes, not a dissection. I want a bible... (bullshit me) over scientific explanations. I think we all want to be lied to...

Technically this was amazing as always. Flow was outstanding. The way you effortlessly jump from rhyme scheme to rhyme scheme is impressive; You always make it look so easy. You know what you're getting with a dead man verse, technically, and you never disappoint.

Highlights:

"holy Father, the reticent. we pray to picket fences. and
speak in secret tongues through wooden grates for those disinterested"

- Nice. It's always greener on the other side, isn't it?

"look. we can't create a thing and neither did He
enlightenment crisis, a war of pious belief
riot in the streets sound like a sigh of relief
when wolves come knocking nightly all disguised as the sheep"

- riots sound like a sigh of relief was crazy.

"our faith left only Ego. we disguise it as people
while our ever-after stories built us giant cathedrals."

- Truth.

"explaining our extra. experimental schematic
label chemistry as alchemy and physics as magic
overdramatic. panic-stricken in a media culture
walk our dogmas off a cliff and feed em to the vultures"

- Walk our dogmas off a cliff... such a trip.

Love the ending too... Man, I can really see the levels you reached while breaking this verse down. It's just so damn good and laced with anti-religious sentiments done extremely well. It's clever as fuck from top to bottom, and although I wished it had some sort of story arch or characters, yout ability to rhyme in constant metaphors and imagery focused rhyme schemes need to be applauded. It's just reaches new depths every time I read this... I find new meaning. Or maybe I'm just making it up... like religion... We all see what we want to see. I see your skill shining through my man, ever brighter on every read through. It's like a pulsing lighthouse in the dark, and I'm slowly getting closer... I'll follow blindly because the light is just so damn hypnotic.

Bravo.


J6F:

Polar opposite approach here. I wanted more of a story from dead man - I got story in spades here from you. You definitely are the quintessential "storyteller", everything you write comes through with a clear narrative and I can tell that's your main focus going in. Let me create a story - here's where I want to go - I'll fix the technical stuff up later. I appreciate this approach. Your flow is always so buttery smooth and I always enjoy how you present your verses. This one seemed a bit simple to begin with though, some rather elementary elements scattered throughout; like "came a-calling" and "Hollywood came calling" were both fairly close to one another.

The story kind of reminds me of that movie Funny People at first - the comedian starting out that lands movie deals. Then it took a dark turn. I like how he became a hermit and, drowning in his own fame and hubris, killed himself to "kill God", for he had become Him. Interesting take. But I did feel that crucial details were missing to kind of establish this transition. I understand the line limit handcuffs you (this is why I always request more), but it sort of went to up and comer, to fame, to an idol that kills himself rather jarringly quickly, for me anyway. I love the overall message of how fame builds the ego though, how it consumes a person and makes them believe in their own hype to the point where they hurt themselves. This is a creative way to take this topic and it was appreciated. The ending was cool - loved the suicide note. I think one extra twist might've worked here as well... Like maybe the neighbor that found him actually killed him and made it look like suicide. Maybe he had been stalking him the entire time and the reader could have went back throughout your piece and seen little hints of a weird, vaguely familiar follower sprinkled throughout. Just something I thought of so thought I'd share the idea haha.

Technically this was good, great at points, but slacking in others. Sometimes your multi's were there and hitting on every cylinder, other times I saw opportunities missed to really connect everything a little better. But that's just the critical side of me coming out (which you know I HAVE in spades lol). But you told a cool story here man in clear and concise fashion, which is always tough to do in rhyme form.

Highlights:

"Bus tours were nationwide, without a single place to hide
The stage lights cast no shadow on the self hate inside"

- So real and vivid.

"No surprise, his depression was like his stand up; perfect
As the greatest kindness often comes from those who feel worthless"

- Truth. Loved this introspection.

"The box office was unlocked by this gifted Pandora
And Oscars gifted his halo as 'Best New Performer"

- Great flow, multi's and syllable count. I wish every bar was this tight.

"Here hangs a false idol, forgive me father, I have sinned
They praised a man, not a messiah, nothing divine within
I've thought this through; there's only one way I will win
To strike my own image down...

God is dead...

I killed him.'"

- Again, very cool ending. A true insight to this guy's narcissism and confusion. I felt like this is something a famous, rich hermit would write lol.

Good battle guys. We have dead man doing his thing, technically sound with crazy imagery and metaphors, but a lacking story/narrative with characters. And we have Johnny 6 telling a straightforward story in a creative, clear way and with amazing flow, but lacking technically at certain points. This was such a broad topic to tackle... God is open to such interpretation that this really could've been about anything. But you two picked the different ends of the spectrum and it was an interesting clash. I went back and forth about who I thought won several times... I prefer story over technical prowess 9 times out of 10... But this may be the 1 out of 10 times where it gets the nod for me. I'm just such a fan of dead man's pieces and his metaphor laced rants... they literally have layers that need to be peeled back to get to the essence of them. I'm a fan of Johnny's storytelling abilities as well, always have been since he came into the league. He has this way of speaking to the reader with a clarity that is rarely seen - His ideas and themes radiate off the screen. I love both of your guy's abilities and your creativity but I'm going with one of my favorite writer's on this site and any other, in a close one.

Vote - dead man

[Inno]

Dead man

I’ll start off by saying I know black is a staple in the OM. But I rarely go in there and when I do I skim through ish. The only time I break down a deadman’s verse is when he’s dropping for a league. Anyway what I’m trying to say is this is a refreshing piece from dead. For me it’s the usual dead man verse. I’m digging the compact lines packed with so much meaning they burst. The diction is spot on as always and with this new look it emphasizes them that much more. I feel like you got going towards the end and took it to another level. The rest of the verse has hints of topic scattered through out but towards the end you got a bit more literal without sacrificing the flow of the piece. I thought your take on the topic was original and clever, all do to your amazing wording and phrasing. This didn’t disappoint at all great work black.

6

Man this was woven almost perfectly from start to finish. I enjoyed the narrative you created. You have a knack for crafting well told stories which is always dope. The development of your story progressed really well from the start to a little over the middle part. You did an excellent job painting a scene around your character effectively layering your piece with depth and meaning. The story is a rising star who becomes to big for his bridges. Cool take. The only thing for me is I wish you would spent a little more time developing his down fall, felt like his downfall was a little abrupt for my liking. Also a side note you could played off the fact that it’s a bit presumptuous you think your self a god and think you have some kind of power over that perception. That’s just my personal knit picking lol. Dope read man this is one of your better pieces this season.


OveralL

2 different styles and takes to the topic. I enjoyed blacks diction and phrasing through out his verse. A little abstract but still balanced along that line. While 6 went for a straight forward story with great character development and intern a nice a scenario painted through great story telling. This was a dope battle and a dope showing from both. In the end I gotta choose one and I’m going with dead man based off style preference. His verse resonated a bit more with me. If had that blend of poetry and just the right amount of story. Thanks for the read fellas


Dead

[Pharaohs Army]

dead man-

A solid dead man verse. You have a unique and talented style. I don't always understand in entirety- your verses... but can always glean enough to get the jist. I see this verse as someone writing from the perspective of being "tired of religion"

our faith left only Ego. we disguise it as people
while our ever-after stories built us giant cathedrals.
then those all caught on fire. so now we're writing a sequel
Dope.

Technically sound verse, as we've come to expect. You pack a lot of rhymes in so I tend to notice when something doesn't rhyme in your verse, like
holy Father, the reticent. we pray to picket fences. and
speak in secret tongues through wooden grates for those disinterested

No matter how I bend it it just doesn't rhyme. But that's just me nitpicking. 1 non-rhyme won't really hurt the overall quality of the verse. I was also thrown off by the randomness of the white limosine in Georgia line. Don't really understand it, but again, I assure you I enjoyed this verse and Johnny will need something big to top it.

Johnny 6 feet
Where dead man's verse is complex, yours was a straightforward narrative. I'm not saying the details were simple, but the overall arch and strategy was a simple linear narrative. Throughout, I was interested to see what was coming next.

His behaviour became erratic; public dismissed it as eccentric
Especially since every psalm he spoke was bliss and electric

Dope. Good multi there and description of the beginning of his strange behavior and isolation.

Sombre slumber;
I like the alliteration phrase here.

With the ending you had a very literal connection to the assigned quote.

Nothing wrong with this verse. Told a good story. You just happened to run into a good dead man verse (despite my nitpicking), and based on style preference, he edges it here.

Johnny I hope you continue writing after the conclusion of this league. Will peep if you drop some OMs, or better yet see you in another tourney or league.

[BOOM]

Goddamn at the Nietzsche quote as a topic! Very good choice here, especially with Deadman involved which could make for some interesting reading for sure. I like to give my take on the topic and my initial thoughts to help give the writers some idea on what I may have done, and why, but I’m not sure how I would have approached this one in truth. Thank god I don’t have to (pun ALWAYS intentional!) I’m not a religious man but it obviously lends itself towards the bible and it’s various moralistic tales etc so that could have been flipped, possibly into a more modern setting maybe? The trouble there, and in general, is that there have been so many religious takes and whatnot it’s difficult doing something with it that hadn’t been done before. Its a tricky one to navigate, for sure, and I don’t envy either of you here! Anyway, let’s see how you guys have it...


Deadman: This is dope from the jump, straight from that opening line you get this tone in the writers voice that is very clear and consistent - arguably right through your work. There’s plenty of religious references scattered right throughout, the stolen valor line in particular is fire early on. This is very clean writing from you, the alliteration at the start of this line caught my attention:

devil dances demon moans, the ecstasy of evil forces

It’s an underrated tool on the belt, one I enjoy employing myself on occasion, but I noticed it snuck in there haha! It’s the deft touches of a seasoned writer I also look for beyond the body of work presented. You’ve an experienced hand.

look. we can't create a thing and neither did He

This line really stood out to me for its profundity, it almost gets said outside of the verse by causes it to pause right then and there and reflect on it before moving forward, but the following up lines directly afterwards are interesting choices also due to the rhyme placement and “sounds” of the rhymes used to create a didactic quality:

enlightenment crisis, a war of pious belief
riot in the streets sound like a sigh of relief
when wolves come knocking nightly all disguised as the sheep

The “ENLIGHTenMENT CRISIS” trips off the tongue nicely due to its rhyme placement, it’s a very subtle internal rhyme that it has to it, but adds a layer to the line overall with the following “PIOUS BELIEF/RIOT in the STREETS/SIGH of RELIEF/DISGUISED as a SHEEP” which switched up the rhyme scheme somewhat also. I enjoyed how unorthodox it was and a little left field, breaking with the norm. Whatever normal is. This short section was one of my favourites from the verse, and battle.

dying is easy
its like waking up in Georgia in a white limousine

The second line here is almost classic Deadman in it creating a fantastic summary using so few words, a real “less is more” approach that stands out given the lengthy submissions this round.

our faith left only Ego. we disguise it as people
while our ever-after stories built us giant cathedrals.

The hanging rhyme in the first line (following those preceding it) stands out and makes for a nice switch-up but that cathedrals line here is fire, perfectly placed and paced. Very fitting given the subject matter we’re dealing with.

walk our dogmas off a cliff and feed em to the vultures

Jeez! I had to quote this one because it’s straight flame emojis. You can’t overlook gold like that. Crazily good. Dope verse.


Johnny Six Feet: The idea of going with more a story up against the Deadman could prove a good move as he doesn’t (generally) adopt that stance and it’s worked well for you this season. The immediate thing that stands out to me, from you, is the natural flow this verse has in comparison with his - it skips right through it, very pleasing to read and very smooth with little in the way of stop-starting. The interweaving of the comedian and the religious elements was largely done well, I wondered what you were up to early on with this one:

Soon the agents came a-calling like disciples to a prophet
Booking venues coast to coast so he'd recite for a profit

It stands up (pun ALWAYS intentional) better on second read in my opinion once you know where it’s headed but even on first run-through this stood out to me personally.

God of comedy legit had me laugh out loud, I’m hoping that was intentional - I think it was. Lol. Don’t hate me too much if it wasn’t.

Passed around like a cultist's pamphlets, the tickets were sold
His performances turned a silver screen to shades of gold

You started to really kick things up a notch here, layering the material well with the tie-ins and so forth, the cultists pamphlets was a good idea but the silver screen / shades of gold was the true standout I thought.

LOL @ doubting Thomas reference also. I see you bruh.

Turned a virtual hermit; his agent's statements were measured
As he wandered around his lonely estate like a barren desert

The barren desert line again here was a good way to help tie-in this dual idea, very clever indeed. LOL @ fame’s snakes also a little later on in the piece.

This one was a crazy clash of styles and approaches, I think styles make fights and that was definitely the case here with you two, Deadman the more indirect and with a bigger picture narrative tone to his writing against Johnny’s more signature storytelling with this dual theme running right through it with plenty to anchor his idea at heart. It’s a toughie. I think from a technical standpoint there really isn’t a great deal between you both, there’s a mastery to both individual writing styles here and that’s clear to see. I do usually prefer a story over a “topical” purely because that’s my personal preference. Jonny definitely delivered on the storyboard front, multiple tie’s intricately interwoven throughout the fabric of his piece with some dry humour and clever astute observations of his own. I liked the elements neatly bringing it together as a cohesive whole, I liked the narrative value it had, and as a storyteller at heart this one definitely gravitates toward me. I’ll have to mull it over more before I reach a conclusion.

Okay, I’m now multiple reads in on both verses, this is a polarising one given the (opposite) directions both writers took in. On the one hand I’m a fan of Deadman’s wording, he has plenty of quotables throughout this joint eve given its relevant brevity. The flow is there, technically he’s hitting on all cylinders with these hanging rhymes and word placement etc, the less conventional approach comes off the fresher of the two also and stands out in my mind over the storytelling from Johnny’s. That said, I would say Johnny was the more entertaining read to me overall given these multiple tie-ins built around his central theme and that makes it stand out to me in terms of creativity and originality which is a key thing I look for in these. When you couple that with both belong otherwise fairly evenly matched in terms of their strengths, this is a tough vote but for me Johnny did more here with his verse than we ultimately got to see from Deadman given the brevity of his own piece. I still think Deadman’s shone in terms of the layers it had and standing up to multiple reads and that’s ultimately what lead me to the final decision here.

Vote - Deadman