WEEK SEVEN: MASTER ROCK 3-3 vs MR. J 3-3 MASTER ROCK WINS

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Master Rock

Through the midst of the night when it all hit the fan
my flesh began to crawl as the muck commenced its expand
dazed and confused I can taste the rumbling drips of evil perfusing
while I gaze at water glass at my bedstand as the ripples protruding
simple rhymes. if your lines are close to verging on long bar you're going to want to use more internal rhymes to maintain the flow.
my dwelling is being besieged I can hear the footsteps outside crackling of leaves as they draw near macerating my dreamland
my whole bed shook, as the terror creeps in before I felt them ram
shattering the door frame, "BAM!" devastating my thoughts as they ran
a mile to infinite, " Am I dreaming?, Who's there? Who is it?"
I'm shaken fully aware, discerning the shadows under my door while my mother's shrieks began and the violence slams
cool story development. still light on rhymes
I reach for the nearest weapon, pencil-drawn in my hand
I watched the doorknob shift as I gasped for breath
my heart beats so loud I can hear in my chest
I am ready to strike in a blink of an eye the intruders broke through the door pressed barrels to my neck
directing me to remove myself down from where I rest
the plot thickens
I drop the pencil placing my hands up high as I weep, "why?", in distress. No answer, just soulless in their eyes and sibilance as if they're possessed
I drop to my knees, begging to escape, I'm dragged by my hair while my knees bleed from being scrape across my room to the outside gate
rhyming is off here to me, but story is progressing well
I asked them, "There's Mom, Dad, and Grace?"
Then suddenly, I felt the brunt end of the rifle strike upon my face
The stars I chase, in the mirage I wake, wondering, "I how did I end up with this fate?"
I am so lost in my reality that its surface fractures break
My worlds collapse, as well as my demise, has been shaped
In the dead city, I have been placed
tying everything back to the pic. this feels a little disjointed but it works.
I never knew that hollowness has a sound
it must be the wailings of the fallen that have cursed the ground
So dry, desolate, and cold
I curl into fetal position wishing that I can feel the warmth of my mother's hold
As the moisture dissipates
I'm left alone just waiting for the dust to take my place
like the ending

Enjoyable piece. Cool story, I enjoyed the read, tho the picture tie in feels like it was hacked on to the end.

Originally Posted by Mr. J

This town gave me my moment to shine then took it
How can you blame me for trying what they wouldn't?
Followers of the same dream, blinded by just looking
nice rhyming open
Couldn't force time to backtrack with the same scheme
Hooded figures line the wall while my mind daydreams
Rooted like a vine I see their shadows climb....waiting
What's the next move? Got a bullet for any escapee...
They expect you to play into the bullshit and make peace
They gonna test you on the pulpit until the mistakes seen
This is not eventful, at my fullest potential they can't chase me.
strong section of multis. like the confidence in your flow
Can I be outran or overrun? Where is the next culprit from?
What about plans that share exit strategies over trust...?
On the outskirts of our land I'm left with a lot to overcome
ok. just rhyming, not seeing much direction in the piece
I hear the tears of the hopeless crying in the open...
The appearance of fear had their numbers sloping.
Now they hoping for me to clear up their little crises
No matter how little it might be I know they bitter nightly
Putting their life aside so they could of riddled like me
Leaving bodies in my wake, making the hobbyists irate
"Watch what I made" type that wannabe like the greats
Overcompensating with a bad attitude and a divas grace
rhymes have gotten simpler
I seen your fate.. but denied the need unless challenged
A city with less balance that misquotes, stresses standards
Collapsing to an idealogy that left them at each others throat
After they left it to me...I haven't seen another soul.
That could match wits when we read each other's flow's
Seems kind of embarrassing when you see them come & go
But when you need a reason to stay hype..you reap what you sow
this is kind of an unfulfilling ending. a lot of cool ideas in the piece, i was expecting it to build up to something that ties it together.

Strong piece, enjoyed the read but the ending threw me off. I also wasn't able to decipher a relation to the pic.

Vote: Master RockThis was a close battle to me, as it comes down to style preferences. Mr. J has a better piece in terms of the technical aspects but the piece feels disconnected from the topic and lacks closure. Master Rock had a simpler more straightforward piece that also seems unrelated in places but he was able to bring it together for his closing. Normally I would go with the better rhymes and before the ending I would have given this to Mr. J. But the lack of payoff brings the verse down a couple notches for me, which is enough to lose in a close one.