mexico city blues

[Split]

[blues intensifies]

clothbound notebooks opened. Robert Johnson
didn't note the jots in- stitched time. jogging mountains
it's still there. true Paradise, Sal. you couldn't picture,
paint, or scribble air inside my mestizo Santa Misirlou

sitting sullen, mexico city simmers blue.
sambuca= mean drunk to you. the love i mean
seductive sexist. autistic fucking Buddy Holly resemblance
but instead i grooves it, steppin through this
harmonic bible of dharma-buddhists.

mood is often tone deaf. cigarette spit,
crisply cogent. nope, it's..
sitting slack. gulping flask. fixing to be feeling razzed.
Whitman. Pullman cabs. waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-
tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo
who blast different slit-throat trolley tunes.

oye como escito, y servesa, la necesito..
porque alegra ha me despedida: cuando
ella me da su vida. me encante mi mes contiga,
pero estoy aqui y a ti acá. blanca camisa en la cama madera.
es vida, y sera como esta. aun hablamos en la musica.
que lastima de corazon.

the moon is luminously bright.
truly, her eyes are nice. my direction. i'm crusing by, touching
horizon ice- the compass, Rose. tonight is diamond dosed.
then finding life is just another sunken, lump of coal.
time.
she measured it in sloppy, morning dew. record skips.
couple sips of coffee boost. thirty of, a nothing night with you.

too noir for Kerouac.
a different age. it was greater grace then any song I blare or blast
and thinner than the coarsest page, passage filled with her barefoot pawprints, i caught her after,
kissing honest tunes in her barest stockings, intoxicated, lost in the missing chapter of our jaded absolute


not based on a true story
excuse my rusty, broken, poetically licensed spanish. feed returned

[Wise Wiggles]

you're excused. gay picture. good write up.

[Just Write]

thos was really dope man, i don't get to see too much from you. i'll feed this in a bit after I eat. bump

[Fig]

mood is often tone deaf. cigarette spit, crisply cogent. nope, it's.. sitting slack. gulping flask. fixing to befeeling razzed. Whitman. Pullman cabs.waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo who blast different slit-throat trolley tunes.

Strong wording.

The musical references made for much more evoking metaphors. The quoted section is where it all came together best.

That diamond dosed and lump of coal lines were nice. Also the whole 2 stanza was quotable. That Mexico city simmers blue line sat very nice with me. Such crisp wording. Unfortunately I avoided the spanish section, Im more of a white washed mexican myself. I can only imagine the choice to do that was partly influenced by the recently attained tan youve been hinting at. White boys lol.

Yeah but this was tight split. I feel like my feed has been kinda understating how much I really like this. An honestly dope dope piece.

[zygote]

All up to "the moon is luminously bright" was great. Perhaps it would have been stronger to end on corazon. Enjoyed how before that line there was only one use of "THE", when writing in this descriptive style playing with imagery etc using "the" - then an adjective noun seems to lessen writing effectiveness, makes things seem cliche even if they aren't like "the moon is luminously bright". You are really expanding your style shown here, the poetry is great really strong an striking, enjoyed it a lot.

[E-Thugs inc.]

mood is often tone deaf. cigarette spit,
crisply cogent. nope, it's..
sitting slack. gulping flask. fixing to be feeling razzed.
Whitman. Pullman cabs. waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-
tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo
who blast different slit-throat trolley tunes.


this shit made a nigga dick hard, don't know wha duh hells u talm bout, but ugggh.

[Split]

Originally Posted by Whys Ways

you're excused. gay picture. good write up.

thanks Wise

you haven't written in awhile tho

Originally Posted by Just Write

thos was really dope man, i don't get to see too much from you. i'll feed this in a bit after I eat. bump

thanks JW ill find one of your pieces in a min

Originally Posted by Figurative

Strong wording.

The musical references made for much more evoking metaphors. The quoted section is where it all came together best.

That diamond dosed and lump of coal lines were nice. Also the whole 2 stanza was quotable. That Mexico city simmers blue line sat very nice with me. Such crisp wording. Unfortunately I avoided the spanish section, Im more of a white washed mexican myself. I can only imagine the choice to do that was partly influenced by the recently attained tan youve been hinting at. White boys lol.

Yeah but this was tight split. I feel like my feed has been kinda understating how much I really like this. An honestly dope dope piece.

haha appreciate the in depth breakdown.. ill get you back.

nah I love foreign languages/ spoke in Spanish for my job, just fell wayy out of practice.

Originally Posted by zygote

All up to "the moon is luminously bright" was great. Perhaps it would have been stronger to end on corazon. Enjoyed how before that line there was only one use of "THE", when writing in this descriptive style playing with imagery etc using "the" - then an adjective noun seems to lessen writing effectiveness, makes things seem cliche even if they aren't like "the moon is luminously bright". You are really expanding your style shown here, the poetry is great really strong an striking, enjoyed it a lot.

good observations on the poetic front and the use of adjectives.. it was for a poetry competition with a 30 line limit, so I did some heavy editing to keep it under, resulting in concise/ careful wording. I will find the latest Zygote piece, I haven't read one to enjoy in awhile

Originally Posted by E-Thugs inc.

mood is often tone deaf. cigarette spit,
crisply cogent. nope, it's..
sitting slack. gulping flask. fixing to be feeling razzed.
Whitman. Pullman cabs. waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-
tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo
who blast different slit-throat trolley tunes.


this shit made a nigga dick hard, don't know wha duh hells u talm bout, but ugggh.

much love tonio

[Eŋg]

i'd feed this now, and here. but i think it's likely i'll do that in the place you originally posted it. when i do, consider that your feed returned.

i'll just say, your style is very awkward.

[dead man]

sitting sullen, mexico city simmers blue.
sambuca= mean drunk to you. the love i mean
seductive sexist. autistic fucking Buddy Holly resemblance

Whitman. Pullman cabs. waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-
tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo

you've accomplished with this work a stylistic authenticity that many including myself often tease but rarely overcome gracefully. sepia backgrounds and a 1960's piano man. jessica rabbit belongs in this time period.

i am not confident enough in my spanish to comment on that fourth stanza. a rough translation might even help bring everything full circle for me.

too noir for Kerouac.
a different age. it was greater grace then any song I blare or blast
and thinner than the coarsest page, passage filled with her barefoot pawprints, i caught her after,
kissing honest tunes in her barest stockings, intoxicated, lost in the missing chapter of our jaded absolute

this is a beat poet's soulful exchange with urbanity. 'on the road' has eluded me for many years. maybe i'll dust a copy off.

really excellent writing, even for a sketch-up

i would advise you continue down this avenue and see where it leads you, but keep your sense of plasticity while doing so

thanks split.




1

[Rojo187]

def got that old school swag to it...like Hemingway writing books in Cuba...imagery was def with a refined taste...like the dude from dos equis would spit that lol

[Just Write]

ok my man, I've been meaning to hit this up proper just have been busy till now

Originally Posted by Split Eight

[blues intensifies]

clothbound notebooks opened. Robert Johnson
didn't note the jots in- stitched time. jogging mountains
it's still there. true Paradise, Sal. you couldn't picture,
paint, or scribble air inside my mestizo Santa Misirlou

you always start your pieces in the most unique way, (oddball rhyme scheme or whatever) but it really does work for you, this opening already had me hooked and interested which for me is hard to do, usually i feel more obligated to finish reading a piece then interested

sitting sullen, mexico city simmers blue.
sambuca= mean drunk to you. the love i mean
seductive sexist. autistic fucking Buddy Holly resemblance
but instead i grooves it, steppin through this
harmonic bible of dharma-buddhists.

this was clean, loved the sambuca line doggy

mood is often tone deaf. cigarette spit,
crisply cogent. nope, it's..
sitting slack. gulping flask. fixing to be feeling razzed.
Whitman. Pullman cabs. waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-
tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo
who blast different slit-throat trolley tunes.

ill, that 3rd and 4th line was crispy

oye como escito, y servesa, la necesito..
porque alegra ha me despedida: cuando
ella me da su vida. me encante mi mes contiga,
pero estoy aqui y a ti acá. blanca camisa en la cama madera.
es vida, y sera como esta. aun hablamos en la musica.
que lastima de corazon.

the fuck?

the moon is luminously bright.
truly, her eyes are nice. my direction. i'm crusing by, touching
horizon ice- the compass, Rose. tonight is diamond dosed.
then finding life is just another sunken, lump of coal.
time.
she measured it in sloppy, morning dew. record skips.
couple sips of coffee boost. thirty of, a nothing night with you.

too noir for Kerouac.
a different age. it was greater grace then any song I blare or blast
and thinner than the coarsest page, passage filled with her barefoot pawprints, i caught her after,
kissing honest tunes in her barest stockings, intoxicated, lost in the missing chapter of our jaded absolute

the whole remainder of this verse was my favorite part, very poetic

your style is very different then everyone else ive seen on here, i mean hell sometimes you don't even rhyme but it still comes off with that elegant poetic tone to it so it rarely matters, I can say this I definitely never know what to expect from you when i open a drop of your but i'm also always eager to open them. keep writing man and don't change shit. this might be my favorite piece from you.. for now. stay up

[Split]

thanks all!


this wasnt technically a topical, so it might be more scattered than i usually write. then again, maybe not lol.

last bump

[veritas]

Thisnwas a lesson in imagery and a cool conceptual look......I resoect you as a writer

[Natural]

Whack

[Split]

:)

[NYCSPITZ]

sitting sullen, mexico city simmers blue.
sambuca= mean drunk to you. the love i mean
seductive sexist. autistic fucking Buddy Holly resemblance
but instead i grooves it, steppin through this
harmonic bible of dharma-buddhists.

COOL FLOW, DHARMA LOL, PURPOSE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oye como escito, y servesa, la necesito..
porque alegra ha me despedida: cuando
ella me da su vida. me encante mi mes contiga,
pero estoy aqui y a ti acá. blanca camisa en la cama madera.
es vida, y sera como esta. aun hablamos en la musica.
que lastima de corazon.

WHAT?


THE..........

????????


FUCK!??!??