Journey To Heaven

[Advocate]

(Verse 1)
Been havin premonitions, of hurt for the last month
Bein tossed on the curb wit a ripped shirt, and a brass punch
To the head…wit a burst all I heard was a fast thump
The only thing good, would be the dessert inside my sack lunch
I always liked cookies
Some consider me a rookie
I don’t look well known, but I l know that they keep looking
Common interest
Livin life to the simplest
More pist then when they were pist at Pistol Pete’s 18 assist, over Detroit’s Pistons (*tounge twister!*)
Mad cuz they thought he would drop buckets
But instead he said, “fucc it, here’s my cock…suck it.”
Please don’t take it outta context
This ain’t no contest, just more complex, for what I’m tryna accomplish
An honest promise is kept for the right reasons…
“I’m sorry Mr. Hammonds, but I believe your flight’s leaving…” (*flight attendant voice*)
“I been waitin for hours and you wait to tell me now?!” (I said)
Three security guards from the parking lot had to nail me down
To the bar wire fence, I felt thorns in my hair
Just a senseless coincidence, I didn’t really care?
This whole incident was blown outta proportion
I exited the airport wit only a portion
Of my realistic thinkin of livin life as an orphan
But decided to start a family and forf out on this abortion
Wit my ex, but turns out she was next
Cuz then we re- connect, six months after havin sex

(Verse 2)
But then we start to drift, so she left wit my kid
Now I’m all alone again she got me pist on this shyt
It just don’t stop wit the bodily fluids, them rocks would prolly do it
So then I start slangin like I started an entire movement
But the way I was movin, I was destined to start losing
Ain’t had much to lose, so that’s when I start cruising
Up ahead, but I had the upper hand
I knew I had a plan, and I knew I was the man
Still cruising in this pinto
Case you ain’t get the memo
I come up huge from long distance can’t nobody see on my gym flow
I’m on my gym flow, he said “Whatchu lookin at him fo?”
Click clack BLUCK! Crash my car near a fire hydrant, but it ain’t that simple
Unaware I’m shot and thru all the head trauma
I recognize my killer was my baby brother, “This For Killin Mama!!”

*Loud Ringing Sound (Only this time I pause before third verse.)

(Verse 3)
That very next morning I awoke to a grand jury
Christ was my attorney and He told to have no worries
He got me off and I was then aloud into heaven
I got to see my mother for the first time since I was seven
I started bawling screamin, “It was an accident.
I’m sorry for all the pain and I didn’t have half the sense
That I have today.”
Then I asked her, “Will you ever forgive me?”
She said, “I already did wit the time that remained when I was living.”
Moral to the story is you improve even when you think you lose
Bustin nuts all day, don’t mean you can trust who you do
Scary news will turn yo ass into Larry Hughes
Go on a hot streak and never be mentioned wit very few
Not a good selection, but try to strive for perfection
Strive for the best, and have some pride when you flexin
In my prime, I’m the best of my time
Some say they invest in the best, but don’t invest in my rhyme

This is the link to the instrumental:
Eminem – Infinite (Instrumental)

Please let me know what yall think about it.
All feedback is welcomed!

[Coup]

good stuff...i just wrote to Emiems Lose Yourself...glad to see others doing similar things.

[Advocate]

Thanks @Coup! You're the only one to comment on all my threads. I appreciate the love, and I'll be feedin you backk real soon!

[Fig]

Ima get to feeding this a little later homie.

[Advocate]

Originally Posted by Figurative

Ima get to feeding this a little later homie.

I would really preciate that g! Any feedback is good wit me, that would mean alot man.

[Rojo187]

Shyt was tough...You gotta killer flow that rolls nimbly when you say it out loud and the story was ill....Shyt was hot no doubt....

[Vulgar]

Lyrically this is straight. I wonder how it'd sound on a track though because written-wise I would have a lot of constructive feedback towards this. Sometimes your thoughts are unorganized, and/or unclear in terms of the progressing story. I was sort of lost here:

I’m on my gym flow, he said “Whatchu lookin at him fo?”
Click clack BLUCK! Crash my car near a fire hydrant, but it ain’t that simple
Unaware I’m shot and thru all the head trauma
I recognize my killer was my baby brother, “This For Killin Mama!!”
^this made me go "....what???"

Flow-wise, reminded me of Killer Mike or something. I liked the slang incorporated in this, giving it a different flavor than I'm used to reading on here.

Keep doing you

[Advocate]

Preciate the feedback you all!