better late than never: sight this.

Camp Bell · 07-04-2013, 05:37 PM

...its the react gawd, playing spades without a black card
with scars on my back from razor blades thats past sharp
but there's no way....this no name, flo lame and has bars
but i've been making waves wit aurelias rage, so act hard
and to keep it 3hunna, satan saves space in his backyard
so wheres the spot for dropping bags yall.....some closet?
im at NASA front office, having a rap off wit buzz aldrin
blasting off in a NASCAR, passing mars when son launching
i caught a bad cough...nah, the pack sparked my munchausen
so just watch the crowd react as i crash all into muns housing
im done clowing, now its time to get down to business properly
its the 'big I' in ya face, designing these plays with monster ink
jus taking shots at Gs, back n forth, scratching off, lottery freak
pushed gin aside for a sake drink......cuz he's not hot as he seem
this a hobby to me, yall 2 laced up, so fuck the props for ya feats
plus lil nik shoe game sucks and belongs in a box with his sneaks..

Coup · 07-04-2013, 08:02 PM

buzz aldridge ? isn't that Gentile Buzz Aldrin ?

Camp Bell · 07-04-2013, 08:09 PM

lmaoooo iono, could be.... @Coup

Coup · 07-04-2013, 08:39 PM

ha, it is...good flex tho

Camp Bell · 07-04-2013, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coup

ha, it is...good flex tho

had to change it! thanks bruh....

Illume · 07-05-2013, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camp Bell

...its the react gawd, playing spades without a black card
with scars on my back from razor blades thats past sharp
but there's no way....this no name, flo lame and has bars
but i've been making waves wit aurelias rage, so act hard
and to keep it 3hunna, satan saves space in his backyard
so wheres the spot for dropping bags yall.....some closet?
im at NASA front office, having a rap off wit buzz aldrin
blasting off in a NASCAR, passing mars when son launching
i caught a bad cough...nah, the pack sparked my munchausen
so just watch the crowd react as i crash all into muns housing
im done clowing, now its time to get down to business properly
its the 'big I' in ya face, designing these plays with monster ink
jus taking shots at Gs, back n forth, scratching off, lottery freak
pushed gin aside for a sake drink......cuz he's not hot as he seem
this a hobby to me, yall 2 laced up, so fuck the props for ya feats
plus lil nik shoe game sucks and belongs in a box with his sneaks..

its the react gawd, playing spades without a black card
with scars on my back from razor blades thats past sharp

Ok so some of the scheme was good. Opener has a good flow, but no real punch for me. Seems like the same old 'I'm a gangsta and I have been in a lotta brawls' stuff that I see here day in day out.

but there's no way....this no name, flo lame and has bars
but i've been making waves wit aurelias rage, so act hard

There's no way of what? Needs some direction. Again, good scheme, and the three syllable punch after the pause is a good tactic, but the lead up wasn't enough to make it stand out anything special. Aurelia's rage was original.

and to keep it 3hunna, satan saves space in his backyard
so wheres the spot for dropping bags yall.....some closet?

BDG stuff isn't appealin' to me at all, I'm white, and you stole it from Cheif Keef. Would have been nicer if there was some serious wordplay or flip on it. Closet doesn't rhyme with backyard but the idea for the saving space part was good. Needed to be put across better tho.

im at NASA front office, having a rap off wit buzz aldrin
blasting off in a NASCAR, passing mars when son launching

Didn't make much sense or have any relation to what you were saying. Seems like you're stretching a bit, putting in bars tryina make them fit but they don't cohere. But again, if you applied this rhyme scheming with better wording then it'd be good. The flow isn't bad at all.

i caught a bad cough...nah, the pack sparked my munchausen
so just watch the crowd react as i crash all into muns housing

This related to the last part (though munchausen is a stretch to rhyme with 'launching'), but it made me chuckle a bit.

The rest didn't cohere. Who is the 'he' in 'he's not as hot as he seem?' Was more of the same, gangsta stuff. Last line was probably the most intelligent punch in the whole piece.

For me, the whole thing needed more solid direction and to be worded better. But on the up-side, the flow and scheme for a lot of it was decent adn you had a few good ideas.

Spoken · 07-05-2013, 09:44 AM

It's a site diss^^^ on some other members knowledge shit.... More swag and flow rather so than a open mic or bar for bar outshine just a flex/self hype

Geno · 07-05-2013, 11:42 AM

Cool drop, not sure if the "gin" line was referring to me or not. Couldn't find anyone else it could have been aimmed toward. Seemed like a stretch if it was... but the read was entertaining. Good shit

Camp Bell · 07-05-2013, 12:11 PM

@Illume

thanks for the breakdown breh, yea its my version of the site diss
but i kinda wanted it to seem otherwise, which i think i did based
on the explanations. just for clarity, that "he" was genocide and
i dont think you read it right, "some closet" doesnt rhyme with backyard
but it does rhyme with buzz aldrin, which was the next bar...
also, the "3hunna" reference wasnt chief keef at all, it was actually a
gladiator reference but with a twist, thanks for checking me out tho.

07-04-2013, 05:37 PM	#1
Camp Bell Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 733 Battle Record: 10-18 Rep Power: 0	better late than never: sight this. ...its the react gawd, playing spades without a black card with scars on my back from razor blades thats past sharp but there's no way....this no name, flo lame and has bars but i've been making waves wit aurelias rage, so act hard and to keep it 3hunna, satan saves space in his backyard so wheres the spot for dropping bags yall.....some closet? im at NASA front office, having a rap off wit buzz aldrin blasting off in a NASCAR, passing mars when son launching i caught a bad cough...nah, the pack sparked my munchausen so just watch the crowd react as i crash all into muns housing im done clowing, now its time to get down to business properly its the 'big I' in ya face, designing these plays with monster ink jus taking shots at Gs, back n forth, scratching off, lottery freak pushed gin aside for a sake drink......cuz he's not hot as he seem this a hobby to me, yall 2 laced up, so fuck the props for ya feats plus lil nik shoe game sucks and belongs in a box with his sneaks.. __________________ get high. write rhymes. Last edited by Camp Bell; 07-04-2013 at 08:12 PM. Reason: coup called me out on a name

07-04-2013, 08:02 PM	#2
Coup Don't believe the hype Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 572 Battle Record: 4-5 Rep Power: 0	buzz aldridge ? isn't that Gentile Buzz Aldrin ? __________________ What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope.

07-04-2013, 08:09 PM	#3
Camp Bell Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 733 Battle Record: 10-18 Rep Power: 0	lmaoooo iono, could be.... @Coup __________________ get high. write rhymes.

07-04-2013, 08:39 PM	#4
Coup Don't believe the hype Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 572 Battle Record: 4-5 Rep Power: 0	ha, it is...good flex tho __________________ What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope.

07-05-2013, 09:44 AM	#7
Spoken ...DA GAWD... Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,355 Battle Record: 13-34 Rep Power: 5860410	It's a site diss^^^ on some other members knowledge shit.... More swag and flow rather so than a open mic or bar for bar outshine just a flex/self hype __________________ WP Po'ethics

07-05-2013, 11:42 AM	#8
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Cool drop, not sure if the "gin" line was referring to me or not. Couldn't find anyone else it could have been aimmed toward. Seemed like a stretch if it was... but the read was entertaining. Good shit __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

07-05-2013, 12:11 PM	#9
Camp Bell Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 733 Battle Record: 10-18 Rep Power: 0	@Illume thanks for the breakdown breh, yea its my version of the site diss but i kinda wanted it to seem otherwise, which i think i did based on the explanations. just for clarity, that "he" was genocide and i dont think you read it right, "some closet" doesnt rhyme with backyard but it does rhyme with buzz aldrin, which was the next bar... also, the "3hunna" reference wasnt chief keef at all, it was actually a gladiator reference but with a twist, thanks for checking me out tho. __________________ get high. write rhymes. Last edited by Camp Bell; 07-05-2013 at 12:15 PM.