06-30-2020, 10:05 PM | #1 |
Ad mini tator
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MMLP(4-3) vs brokenhal0(2-5) - HALO WINS OPEN FOR FEED
GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE @MMLP @brokenhal0 Max line: 30 Min: 10 Check in: 48 hours after thread post DUE DATE: JULY 5th @ 11:59PM EST GOOD LUCK Last edited by Inno; 06-30-2020 at 10:12 PM. |
07-02-2020, 06:08 PM | #2 |
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chk
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07-05-2020, 12:48 PM | #3 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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@MMLP @brokenhal0 you guys need an ext?
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07-05-2020, 05:47 PM | #4 |
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The sun overhead casted
peeling like a lemon with curd walk faster as i enter the surf wooden docks leavened in dirt i should thank ya but its the end of the earth final destination so lets pretend to be first beyond perception with a slight hint of decay follow the stones as the tides slipping away some pillars need paint don't go in your bag if you ain't getting a brush the ebbing sediment wanes ghost of the past recede like all the attention they gave watery graves dusk bleeds away darkness not a star unseen A sirens song mutes my highest screams the rhythm reminded me of mermaids being flayed back when i had those violent dreams the shock will level your core learn to love others rather then settle the score that's what walking this path is for enter the abyss the water is formed sun no longer casting bloody amber's and lilac begonias skin peeling feeling like dairy congealing in lime really im fine More sand for the hour glass standing on the mantle of time felt like hours until i reached the end of the line no land left behind walking on water crossings are tied tape a kite to my pinky forces arise at a distance all that was seen awkwardly flied im here now lost in the ocean of truth im real now creatures from the depths surface to show me some proof... ... Last edited by brokenhal0; 07-07-2020 at 10:12 PM. |
07-08-2020, 06:42 PM | #6 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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It's been 2 days past the ext date, so Halo takes the W open for feedback
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07-10-2020, 12:27 AM | #7 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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This was probably the BEST verse I read from you this season Halo, really dope imagery and your vocabulary was off the chain. This was very well paced and played like a slideshow of memories, you had some awesome stuff here
" the ebbing sediment wanes ghost of the past recede like all the attention they gave watery graves dusk bleeds away darkness not a star unseen A sirens song mutes my highest screams the rhythm reminded me of mermaids being flayed back when i had those violent dreams' Hoping you carry this style to playoffs! Good work |
07-10-2020, 08:05 AM | #8 |
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Poetry mate. Your choice of vocab and great use of imagery painted a picture of a man in some level of limbo reflecting on his life choices with vague regret. The rhyme scheme really popped at the start of the piece too. The philosophical musings demand a second read. I agree with Ad; this is the best verse I've seen from you. It's a shame it was against a no-show but quality is quality. Great stuff, keep on rising.
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