WEEK THIRTEEN CHAMP MATCH: UNIVERSE (1-0) vs NYCSPITZ (6-2) NYC WINS 3-1

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK THIRTEEN

@Universe @NYCSPITZ


Verse Due: FRIDAY JULY 15TH @ 11:59PM

Line min: 10

Max: UNLIMITED


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:







GOOD LUCK

[NYCSPITZ]

Check…


Mate

[Universe]

Best of luck, bud. Let's have some fun :)

[dead man]

popcorn.gif

[Universe]

The Juice

"There was no black or white. Someone who had been good their entire life could, in fact, do something evil. People were just as capable of committing murder, under the right circumstances, as any monster." - Jodi Picoult

......

Aftermath

It all ended in a bloodbath... I used to be too passive to fight
But what happened tonight is not something you come back from in life
A tension you can cut with a knife... I should trail out of public view
They'll all assume I'm another Jew that got bailed out from this too
Essentially the evening news has to expect some leaks
Like flasks of some empty bleach I used to mask my identity
Seems it throws them off my scent... I'm chloroforming the law
There's no bigger story thus far than that obligatory remark
Not for the weak of heart - Most are rotten to pieces
Before leaving this earth I'll be known for all the wrong reasons
I'm covered in so much plasma it supersedes one bath
I now know the potential of my muscle mass is severely untapped...
Just a cheap money grab; I got more than I bargained for
Not even this mop of gorgeous hair could soak up what was on the floor
June 12th, 1994... a date that I would forever rethink
Turning pencil to ink, drowning in cigarettes and energy drinks
They're usually never in sync... I might change my mind in an instant
The mark of cowardice is hiding failure behind indifference
I should pull the plug on this... I'll never be free from critics
Esteemed but priviledged, no wonder my clean cut image seems suspicious...

The Night Of

A few hours earlier, before I emptied all my known fervor
I was a 25 year old server with plenty of time to grow further
No end to the road ahead - I get on nerves that's for sure
Was even known to hord bourbon before I served the horderves
Important to learn the ropes of the business if you hoped to go far
My ultimate goal was to launch a restaurant and own my own bar
But I'd settle for being a supermodel or a Hollywood star
Started so many new chapters I've become a walking bookmark
Money was sparse, I took it hard; My parents cued the alarm
Upon seeing the 'Ankh' symbol of life tattoo'd on my arm
A lofty goal understated; For years that was the intelligent move
Even when receiving EMT training, a career path I never pursued
Abs chiseled like statues, I should be gracing magazine covers
The better you look the more you see - A model employee waiting to be discovered
I freely shunned family money; That's true grit to a T
So anti-Jewish but I made up for it with a few gratuities
Foolish of me but I thought I saw a blond haired beauty, gazing
Our eyes locked in hot pursuit from across the room of patrons
Was a few years of age more - The younger they are the less they give
This was tenable, meaning when I was born she was about a decade in
Doubts don't sink they swim; Part of me wanted to run for the door
I wasn't 'shore' but could've sworn I've seen her somewhere before...
Famous people galore, yet I'm never on a chase for profit
I got a plate, stepped out on a break to contemplate my options
Sick to myself for delaying, it wasn't even discussed
I was teeming with lust, like Cupid's arrows had immediately struck
Stuck with a vested interest; I'm sort of a sweating misfit
Who burned up on re-entry... she took off before I could get her digits...
Shift finished when the last know-it-all here had come and left
I was near the end of my day when the phone call reared its ugly head
The landline rung like necks, we're talking a minor infraction
Reminding us staff of a pair of forgotten designer sunglasses
So happens they were the woman's, the one with the reservation booked
Since my initial reservations didn't payoff I volunteered to take a look
I'd do whatever it took... It's unusual to change one's past
What does lost glasses infer other than an excuse to make contact?
So I ran to where she once sat with the widest grin
But alas no glasses were recovered, much to my chagrin
The world's smallest violin... I punched out at a normal time
Ducking out the back entrance into the California night
Life starts free, but dead end jobs leave us stuck in a rut
I'm bubbling up; I wanna smoke but haven't had a puff in a month
I'm under construction, it seems it's doing a number on my knees
Because I stumbled across the sunglasses in a gutter on the street
My gut turns when I see them, discreet as I can ever hope
I returned inside, enveloping them nicely in a white envelope
Such a sly devil though... I live life with no regrets
So I said I'd bring them back to the woman's home address
More or less... Plans have been laid more times than myself
I coalesce at the bar, fanning flames inside I had shelved
Felt like an hour was a day, I'm ready to devour my prey
Jumped in my car and rushed to my apartment to shower and change
My roommate watched Naked Gun 33 and a 3rd on a bootleg tape
It just released three months prior - An illegal step few may take
I wouldn't hear of it; I'm not even thinking out the plot
It was like an out of body experience I could never bring myself to watch
"Ron's so broke he doesn't have a sense of humor..." It was an obvious burn
Still I told my roommate we would hit up a nightclub upon my return
He barely acknowledged or turned... I guess this was easy to do
Most famous people peruse, if he only knew the secretive truth
Adamant that a mint would improve my pestilent breath
My shoes were fresh and in spec, it put a little pep in my step
I've yet to guess the best nightcap to a day undercover
I vacate my humble abode practicing every statement I'll utter
I'm just gonna go in, enjoying as lust takes over summer
Once I make my move, it'll be over quick one way or another...

The Meeting

Pulled up to the curb and parked, it's lifestyle of the rich around here
Pitch dark as I checked my reflection in the flip-down mirror
Told myself if I couldn't have her I would forever disappear
Transparency is vital, and right now that's never been as clear
They say I'm handsome and debonair, my gift of gab is enterprised
Don't need a pen and paper to have her listed address memorized
I think of that dress and her thighs... I left my car pretty fast
Headlights blared to life behind me then went dark in a flash
I wander paths an aimless sociopath in exterior corridors
Then I found her, didn't think I'd catch her peering out the front door
It stayed opened as she approached, leaving me befuddled to the core
I dropped the act... We fell into a kiss like every other time before...
I informed her I nearly didn't discover what she'd left behind... (glasses)
She smiled and whispered, "They're my mothers but the message was mine
Do better next time..." I'm feeling just like her son when around her
She said, "I could be your mother, you know..." Man I love that about her
I doubt if our ages were reversed it would ever last with me
The fact is we've been practically dating for the past six weeks
Acting discreet; The third wheel that fits clean in the middle
It's more than a fling when you're single, but she was keeping it simple
I'm bursting at the seams, everytime I squeeze her it's triggered
Yet the ticking time bomb here is the invisible ring on her finger
She had severed ties with her husband if we're speaking the truth
But it didn't seem to cut the never ending string of abuse
Her two children were nearly ten, her heart yearned for an infant
No wonder the father of her kids became a stalker in an instant
It might bother me for a minute before true passion unfolds
She had been battered all told since she said, 'To have and to hold'
She grabbed my crotch and said, "Ronnie, mommy's a bit cold
Can you warm me up?" I responded, "You have no idea, Nicole..."
Conceding the role; Decoding meaning while close to the brink
With chosen speech, "Nicole Goldman has a nice ring don't you think?"
"Slow down..." she giggled, enraptured in this portrait of ours
Hand-in-hand we went up the path toward the door that's ajar
Even porn needs a star; Something intangible wouldn't remind us
Before we reached the stairs I heard hurried footsteps behind us
Nicole emptied inside, like a dump truck in human form
I turned to move toward but someone jumped us with brutal force
I knew who it was of course... It felt like a movie-less scene
This was a shadow of a former self that I knew from the screen
This black man lowered his shoulder, catapulting me straight to the trees
If I had nine lives, this cat just pulled eight of them free
Now I'm racist as could be... I heard Nicole yell a threat
Yet when I hit the trees and fence I could only think of self defense
Feeling truncated like elephants; I take note with visions of hatred
His eyes crazed, veins popping from his forehead, animalistic in nature
No mending a bridge up in flames; He grabbed for Nicole and clenched
No escape, pulled a blade and stabbed her head, throat and neck
Only regret was lacking... He wore black gloves and some ball cap
Nicole's facial structure collapsed under the wrath of her husband's grasp
There's no coming back after hearing the anguished shouts
That escaped her mouth, blood spraying out like it could barely contain itself
Switching gears is a makeshift hell, I'd say my sex drive was broke
He tightened his hold, grabbing me in his best vice-like choke
Out of my element like isotopes, a disconnected corroded wretch
He drew the knife and stabbed me in my neck and below the chest
Collapsed in a heap, a bloody mess; I recalled seeing this rookie threat
On ESPN, but now all I could think was, 'I probably should be dead'
The soul I kept never left, it honestly just isn't involved
The devil's withdrawing, retuning to Nicole to finish the job
I mimicked a body... He was drenched with sweat, gasping for air
He put a boot on her dress and wrenched her head back by the hair
It's more than I could bear; Grizzly scenes make for quite the show
This guy exposed her neck to the knife's blade and sliced her throat
Thought he was a spineless clone 'til I saw her spine through clothes
This EMT novice knows her c3 vertebrae was incised the most
What's behind the motion went unspoken, it's rife-full of evidence that's shoddy
This guy almost totally severed Nicole's beautiful head from her body
Felt myself getting up oddly... Even a poet can seize the day
I just can't seem to shake that things aren't supposed to be this way...
Hopes and timid dreams decay when bottled up instantly
Like it's some alternative history that will all turn to a mystery
But enough of the mimicry... No way I could stop as I lunged
He didn't notice me 'til I screamed "OJ!" at the top of my lungs
Our eyes met like a Roman numeral does... He looked under the weather
His reign was over, a long way from setting those Buffalo records
Guess if lightning strikes twice than thunder is forever
Rushing him took him by surprise, he was never much of a defender
A dump of adrenaline... There'll be no leveraging height today
Threw a clenched fist to his breadbasket then wrestled the knife away
I'm ending this ni**ers life in vain... Should I say excuse my language?
YOU try to censor your feelings after you've been through the same shit
When using painkillers the heart beats at a slow rate, listen...
He was beat at his own game, but OJ Simpson is no hate victim
I stuck the whole blade in, felt a Draft of something once Profound
Slowly snuck it out, the blade making a disgusting sucking sound
The spray of blood was gushing out over the manicured ground
But when a cage isn't enough you have to put an animal down
Like inanimate objects; I found this only appeals to some villains
No more dinners with Leslie Neilson unless he kneels in submission
No more movie scripts for you, Juice... Trash those Hall of Fame plaques
Being a victim is preferable to the murderer you would've gone away as
Arteries collapsed, he stammered with the standard howling act
I carved features, endowing his pumpkin head with a Halloween mask
Seems drastic, but there's light at the end of my tunnel vision
His visage filleted to fit on my face, who ever said I wasn't thick skinned?
Los Angeles is where people grow angst when involved
My concentration was purely focused on beating OJ to a pulp
I felt absolved, but fun is dismantled if the action is dull
Placed the knife in his mouth and punched the handle to the back of his skull
How's THAT for a lull? I half expect this zombie to raise again
My only option was baby steps over this embodiment of wasted breath
I'm not enthralled with Orenthal; This late retirement's not planned
The once great king of the gridiron had just expired at my hands
That's when the environment expanded... Lamps were now on and alight
For an endless amount of ticking time every sound was amplified
I planned to be like a wave and make a break for the ocean
Obviously we had awoken a few people with the late night commotion
Barking made windows open, everyone with an opinion saw
Wearing OJ Simpson's blood like a medal - Who you think they'll pin this on?
I sprint through lawns back to my car as police sirens draw close
I thought of Nicole's wounds... nobody was surviving all those...
No digging passed the dire holes where traffic lights stop glowing
Until the limelight's over, I suppose my own hospital time's on hold...
A living nightmare; No way that man's alive, Ron... Go!
I saw smoke as my tires throttled passed an abandoned white Bronco...

Whoa.

Aftermath (con't...)

Killing's a soap opera, even soaking it in wouldn't clean most up
I immediately wonder how does one bleach a whole tub of negro blood...
There's many reasons I might be embarrassed, but cheating is not a fair one
This is a coverup like peroxide in my bleached blond haircut
Unburdened while young; All the baggage is packed on for later
Who woulda thunk a running back Hall of Famer was in fact a ball of anger
Concussion protocols are delayed... I've smoked every cigarette I found
Dreaming ahead of tomorrow's newspaper, I can see the headlines now...
'OJ and Nicole Brown found dead', a cop in a dumbfounded pose
Round and round we go, like it's all part of some profound sick joke
I'll stay home and waiter out... There's a monster under my clothes
Like I was budding a rose but up to that point nothing had shown
Now I'm a comfortable clone... Some sort of wonderful hoax
Hung from a rope... The media will dish it out until the cutlery broke
Stuck in a deep zone of purgatory in the clutches of ghosts
But an introductory show always leads to abducting the host
You'll know the name Ron Goldman, the hidden treasure trunk off the coast
What is a trove other than a high note with none of the lows?
I'll drink you under the table, get a leg up 'til I'm drunk and alone
Appealing as an onion, knowing the con without discussing the pros
That's not the crux of it though; When push came to shove I just froze
Was plucked from alcoves under a grove just to shovel what grows
Standing up in the bathtub I arose all bloody and gross
Abundantly cloaked, even Mahatma Gandhi had a Ted Bundy in tow
Man I almost just croaked, the name Orenthal had stuck in my throat
I lit up a quick smoke and thought, fuck...

That was cutting it close...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Goldman

[timeless]

Yes.

[NYCSPITZ]

Prelude

We all have a monster inside. Some just never dare to reveal it
Witness one such heir to the realest: His breakfast was Red bull & American Spirits
Mental vast like Sci-Fi Scapes; Dune seas and perilous frigates
He’s Muad’Dib. herding tribes entire to peace, with merited vision…
Who’s got that, Earthside? It’s fair to say the mantle is missing
Weapons legion. An insouciant smile echoes his 9mm barrel’s derision
So whenever it sparked comets in a regal display -
there were no qualms of violence. He breathed easy knowing people were saved…
Ungovernable, unrepentant - add unspeakable rage
His victims were simply moral ogres half eagled in place…
But all of that was fantasy. A mental getaway, the niftiest ruse;
Until that fateful winter day of two thousand fifty and two…
Network latticework. Servers like honeycombs, courtesy of winnie the pooh
Provided breakthroughs in new technologies surveilled by one Militant group
The singularity, geopolitik. Greed in all its flavors of sin
Just one man could tilt the needle in their favor to win…
Their tech was murderous. The World’s gone & somebody’s invested to burn the shit
Soon to be pulled by the puppet strings: Enter RSOCOM general, Alexei Sergachev.
The general just needed a Jason Bourne to settle his burdens with
Send humanity into dust, then ascend to the firmament…

The Setup

Moscow headquartered the Motherland’s Special Operations Command
They’d save humanity through the gentle grace of their hand…
General Sergachev lived his philosophy and only ate in pesky amounts
He’d studied Nietzsche, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky and Proust
Though cogent he was a borderline, seething in rage
He injected designer drugs he made to keep his weakness at bay.
A monster of a man, determined to steer any evil away
For his people he prayed, enlightenment a seed of this mage
As he wheedled a hedge maze of bureaucracy via threats & penal exchange
every nuance of infidelity to the motherland gave him reason to rage
Reason to raze his even his own countrymen and their disobedient ways
They needed ascension. He’d cure them in a season of change…
Once he reached the top of the ladder he was bloody and bruised
Came from nothing to get there so he had nothing to lose
His parents were left to rot in gulags and died of morbid disease
When evil was resurrected by the Singularity of twenty forty and three
Socialism redux, 21st century factions frozen & fractured
Searched frantically for solutions without knowing the answer…
Then one day it hit him, the answer he became engrossed in
A super soldier to push that red button & kill all these Sapien Roaches
It was a plan that had to be engineered to bury his madness
Its schematics were hidden under floorboards of his various mansions
The evil genius commanded respect & had access to funnels of money
His baritone was Barry White. His Intelligence Quota: two-hundred&twenty
6th Degree initiate, Darth Vader type, just move to the side
Reality warped in his presence; he ordered you to do it or die
only needed 3 hours of sleep, 500 push ups, one burn of a dab
Plus injections he concocted himself in his Personal Lab
Whenever he needed a break he’d box Kangaroo bucks in Austrailia
Slab of granite. 5’9 210, doing one armed chinups til failure
It took a genius like him to correct this meaningless ruse
Luckily he was there to help ensure that our species was doomed
The cavalier captain strode into command, next to a statue bust of his size
He smiled wide, knowing he’d manipulate them & the trust in their eyes
“Men of Russia, we’re entering territory that’s unknown completely
We’re on our way to becoming an interdependent Solar Species
With brothers and sisters soon moving to Mars, Pluto and Titan
We’re due to be titans, so our grip on this solar system’s got to brutally tighten
Recall aboriginal tribes & their numinous Bison -
Sacrificed to feed their men and illumine horizons.
The Motherland’s mood has been wizened, so we’re due to be rising
Through the stars to Type 2 status, with nebulae, and moons their environs
In order to get there we’ll need to build. We’ll need to layer…we’ll need to solder
And use our tech to complete a whole new breed of soldier
We’ll be beacons, beholders who slowly defeat the disorder
We’ll can embody Mother Russia’s spirit, until we completely absorb her
and handle any task given without technology’s corruption of steel
a weapon of biotech, and indestructible will
Who functions to kill, and lead our future Optimum Gothams
who knows how to influence others and solve unsolvable problems
with our power: scientists, lawmen, researchers - doctors and constables
building this miracle man has got to be possible...”
He finished, eyes glaring, panting, enthralled
Moving his men’s minds at rapid speed like ants in a squall
Yet damning them all - It’d be a tough task, but they’d do it at once
Thought they were building a savior; when they were really building Lucifer’s son
The dubious front went off without a hitch, Sergachev ordered them well
until news broke globally: RUSSIAN SUPERSOLDIER UNVEILED
The whole world applauded and avidly eyed
the spectacle, as it re-ignited national pride
Re-ignited our curiosity, our ability to fathom the mind…
& how the best of us can summon up the madness inside
seeing this spectacle the General chuckled, holding his breath
Lips curling as he planned what to show to them next
soaking in glory, he knew that he’d stop & take a moment, reflect.
Then finish these mangy curs in a flourish of pavlovian jest.

The Miracle Man

My name is Anton, I conduct myself with dignity and fervent respect
created to do RSOCOM’s bidding - basically I’m Sergachev’s pet
It’s kind of funny how they view me as a dog of their bidding
like their solipsism and hatred is something I’m digging
But I’m straight - they hooked me up with a team and a mansion
nestled deep in Russian forests like some leaderless bastion
None of my crew buys into this goon’s meaningless faction
Since we’re the head of this serpent we’re planning a coup
Meanwhile we play poker, drink vodka, & keep that man in a loop
Russian beauties via jetplanes were made to arrive
Honestly it’s kind of dope, I can’t hate on the vibe…
but his plan’s obvious to a mega genius Major like me
Hope he won’t take it the wrong, I mean…he created this freak
& baited these teeth, he must think my neurology’s off
he filled me with the best of philosophy, psychology, math…
and loaded me with everything I’d need to polish them off
He taught me combat & influence on unprecedented levels
froze aging genes: our youthful DNA has senescence in treble
Thinks we’re reckless as rebels but really we’re better than that
we’ll crush him like Machiavellians: diplomacy and then beretta attacks
Haven’t planned a move yet, so please pardon the drought
but I was taught better, raised Orphan at the Marjorie House.
It doesn’t take a genius to look down on his vacuous strife
and instinctively know that he doesn’t see the value in life.
Haha…how in the fuck did this cuck think his might could last long?
Like some “knight or Zion”, like I could ever be this pyschopath’s pawn…
but fuck it, it’s past dawn and the rubicon’s crossed
So we’ve just taken advantage of his resources nonstop
The only reason I haven’t sought out vindication at once
Is that I die during every simulation we run
Doesn’t matter if it’s a bomb, bullet, or if I kill the boss with a knife
he’s well protected, so every single time the cost is my life
His first mission: crush a rebel insurgency aiming for the general’s throat
Get on a boat; then sneak blast it so the wreckage won’t float
They’re minor figures, filled with schadenfreude, though they’re morally lofty
Just whores of the Ops. I don’t give a fuck whether we score ‘em or not
It’s good for cover though, Sergachev’s playin fiddle and I’m singing the song
That dark op’s a great way to keep him stringing along…
Kill ‘em with bombs then hit HIM. Til then God is my vest
I’ll let him stay thinking I’m the main dog in his sect
In my downtime when I’m not drowning in pussy, vodka and lines
I build technologies that will fundamentally alter our models of time
A legacy bequeathed is better than any product of crime
The effects will creep up into the future, as ivy crawls up a vine…
and help up settle colonies on Titan…even safely to andromeda too
Death via wormhole travel is something that my model precludes…
so for now I’m simply building up my unit’s tanks with some poise
and enjoying General Segachev’s gifts…bitch, thanks for the toys.
It’s the least they owe me after all the “thrill” of their lessons
buttered me up before they filled me with like a million injections
Almost killed me in seconds but I’m a Siberian in Warrior mode
built solid in adolescence like a quarry of stone
Parents gone, friends strong; memories nearly baked & reset
you thought simply raising my IQ would make me forget?
but that extra juice plugs me into God and makes me demand
how any single soul could “EVER” referee the nature of man
It shakes me to stand against this creature of malicious intent
but I’m more vicious than him, the method of his death depends on my ken
Should I strangle him barehanded and look deep in his eyes?
Keep wringing him til a dozen knives cleave me inside?
Or maybe snipe him from a ridge at a distance of kilometers -
the simulation shows: his goons blow me up with my magnetometers
Thus setting us back millennia in travel through hyperspace
In some scenarios the ending is an ode to my disgrace
His reign ends but his goons get my tech - a road to dire straits
So my escape from his stench is simply just to swerve his plot
I’m only 17, I think that I at least deserve my props
As a freak pioneer, martyr, provocateur and misfit
Randomly enhanced who used it to soar up & lift men

Homo Stella

I’m ridding Earth of its scourge tonight, but Anton could rebel
With or without him, shit…either way I’ll bomb them as well
Humanity’s worthless, these grunts can’t even listen right
Spent a billion on this kid & gave him the gift of sight
& he can’t even obey me? It’s time to take the gloves off
Subtly plot with tanks, planes, soldiers and bust shots
Take his compound down, I’ll bet it’s cleverly fortified
Either way I’ll take this rapier & personally sever his core tonight…
He doesn’t know about my plan B, so fuck him to hell
I’ll push that motherfucking red button myself
I’ve got an Anton 2.0 in prototype mode, but he’s more than enough
In fact compared to the first model this guy’s potent as fuck
Former Special Ops, he’s stronger and smarter and cleverer too
So when I watch him kill Anton, that little shrimp better salute…

….


It’s just like I thought, he’s trying to upgrade my cerebral software in a man
Who’s me times 10, but Sergachev doesn’t see the tear in his plans
You see he didn’t calculate the instability this upgrade caused
So I easily hacked into that man’s emotional apps and set his trust way off
Just like it should be. He’ll be part one of these beautiful fireworks
A harbinger of space travel as we move to other earths…
They’re here, guns blazing hoping to murder with certainty-
My plan’s in progress perfectly…what’s a few bodies vs eternity?
My remote explodes my “better version” in a flash - the blast was massively strong
in a flash, they’re dazed & confused, with half of them gone
My team holds steadfast in true form to Russian virtue and pride
Taking shots, but killing more, barrels burning with spite
Only 3 of them left, including Sergachev, crazed and frothing
We led ‘em down to the basement through a maze at the bottom
His two captains were ferocious, two of the best on the earth
we’ll give them honorable deaths for testing their worth -
sniper beam, one shot bores straight through two neanderthals crainums
The modded bullets burn through the underground Hall’s titanium
Enraged by failure, Sergachev pulls out a red button, deranged
“I’m right here, fuckers, there’s no new world but I’m buckling this place”
I sped to him with the blinding speed that he funded me with -
Smiled, stabbed his neck then whispered: “I’ve had fun with you, kid”
He died in rage but not before he called an army above me
I’d never make it out but this smell of iron is lovely
Bathing in my enemies blood, this bunker’ll hold for another 45 minutes or so
So I drained Sergachev & his goons’ blood and dipped in for a soak
One psychopath bred by another, the only difference was hope
That my name would last in legend, never growing brittle & old
My tech transferred successfully, not for others but for foolishness, pride
I’ll live as a God in their minds
every time they flew to the sky.

3144 - Kindergarten

Alright class, let’s pay homage to the year twenty fifty and two
The Year of Anton (Our Father) the Great’s Niftiest Ruse
We wouldn’t be here in Andromeda, on planet at Court-Blaoun…
If we didn’t escape our original system behind the Oort Cloud
Over in the Milky Way. We were animals, “Homo Sapiens” then
Now we’re Homo Stella, a homage to our amazing intent
It was all due to Anton our God, the kindest and most gentle of men
Who sacrificed his life out of deep love - so we repent again and again
Out of his magnanimity, he created this beautiful vision
And transferred his consciousness into our galactic computer system
So he can take form in any avatar of his choosing
And decided to grace us here at Blaoun today for our amusement!
Welcome Anton!
*Skinny Blond droid in the corner releases from invisibility*
Grinning with unknowable intent, Anton descends from the cloud. wispy, irreverent

“Hey, kids!”

“Hi, God!!!”

“It’s time for your history lesson.”

[Soule]

Here we go...

Universe, if I'm going to complain about anything in this... it's a factual/ideal nitpick in the very beginning of the piece that I pointed out in comparison in Halo's battle. The use of 'energy drink' when referencing 1994 when energy drinks didn't become popular in America until Redbull arrives in 1997. There was Jolt Cola in the 80s but it was more likely the guy was drinking a pepsi, coke or beer at the time discussed in the piece. With that being said though, it's just a slight eye twitch and not something that actually hurt the piece. Technically and conceptually this was phenomenal and really didn't expect this with the topic lol. You took an anime photo of a dude bleeding in a tub and turned it into the POV of OJ's victims. That's so out of left field and original that I was like "fuckin hell!" The piece was fluent from start to finish, especially once the engine started really going in the second verse, shit just flew off from there and the pace maintained until the end. No wording issues. No straying off the plot. Just straight focus. This was exceptional my man, glad I got to read it and hope we battle before the season is over.

NYC. The format similarity is a bit of a cringe but beyond that, wow. Also a pretty crazy approach to the topic that I probably would've never thought of personally. Like Universe, your pace all found it's form in the second verse and continued until probably the last verse. If I'm gonna nitpick anything here, it'd be that the piece was a bit wordy at times. If you're trying to maintain flow in a topical, choose your diction well as you don't want your readers to trip over themselves. Especially when shit starts going off quick and then you toss something at them that they probably have never said out loud before lol. It can pull the emergency break on the flow and pace of things. That being said though you don't wanna dumb it down too much and the words you used were def necessary for the plot and scene of the piece so it's kinda a double edged sword. Do you sacrifice diction or flow? Or say fuck the voters and do you? Anyways. Other than that this piece was amazing and I dunno if any other piece this week could've given Universe a run for his money except for this one right here.

Overall, this battle was like Oliver Stone's Biopic vs Steven Spielberg's Historical Epic in the Oscars. Both were phenomenally narrated tales. Both were damn near perfect technically. This is really one of those battles that comes down to preference of the voter and I could see it back and forth until the end. Personally though. I'd have this battle at 5-4 in Universe's favor. I feel like his piece was just slightly more fluent to read and I prefer the concept more. Close af and potentially BOTW, if not the season.

[Frank]

Universe

Simile. 0/10 (Literally, 250 lines. No Similies???)
Metaphor. 0/10 (No. Literally, 250+ lines. Not one meta??)
Personification. 0/10 (200+lines) ("Surface Level" "Straight Talk")
Hyperbole. 0/10 (Again. 250 lines. No Exaggeration. We know you know how to stretch the truth ;)
Imagery. 0/10 (250 lines of "TELLING" Instead of "SHOWING")
Symbolism. 0/10 (250 lines, but where was the depth?)
Flashbacks. 1/10 (Point awarded?)
Foreshadowing. 2/10 (Benefit of the doubt)
Overall 3/80

In all seriousness, I couldn't really be bothered with trudging through your pretentious, literary device-less style of writing. You really expect people to waste their precious fucking time reading your self indulged 200 plus line key-style? You don't have that wow factor to pull that off. You're been relying on Quantity Versus Quality. You have zero "UMPH" whatsoever to these verses. I wasn't compelled IN THE LEAST bit, to finish that bore fest. The opening 25 lines are POINT-LESS. They should be IMPORTANT! If you can't hold your attention span or our attention span, beyond 2-4 lines: then in the grand scheme of things, are you even really srs topicaling? Or are you just blabbering into ur JOURNAL. You got some real audacity issues! If you could sit there and think that your smug and uneventful writing is really worth subjecting the league to? Dude's delusional by assuming that he needs more than the maximum line limit to hash out a fully fledged motion picture epic saga. I couldn't invest any interest in his verse. I didn't like the squeaky clean content. The AABB AABB flow was dull AF. It was 200 plus lines. It was overkill. Not because it was about O.J. or W/E. Its just like: who the hell cares about Ron Goldman like that? I don't even know who that is. I have to say, though, uncanny resemblance. (I just looked him up.) But, I also just gotta say: IDGAF about reading 200 plus lines dedicated to some obscure reference. Like seriously? R-O-N G-O-L-D-M-A-N? Get a life, dude!


NYCSPITZ

voice 4/5
diction 4/5
imagery 4/5
figures of speech 4/5
symbolism and allegory 4/5
syntax 3.7/5
sound 3.6/5
rhythm and meter 3.5.5/5
structure 5/5
Overall =

NYCSPITZ def took me by major surprise with this counter attack, after telling everyone he was ejected from a moving car. Really didn't expect NYCSPITZ to pull out all the stops like that and Out Do Universe at his own game like this. @Dominate is usually good at keeping tabs of writers word counts and stuff like that. Can we get an Official Tally on this? (All jokes aside. WPM, ETC) One thing that stood out to me was: I was actually able to get through NYCSPITZ entire verse in a single sitting. And that really was ultimately the deciding factor. I was sorta impressed by NYCSPITZ clipped focus, in all its totality of it. I could drop a string down the middle of the verse and it was very even keeled verse for its length. I noticed this time that there weren't many obscure, left field references to distract the audience from the matters at hand. It was almost as if NYCSPITZ studied Universe verse down to the Pretentiousness and copied his swag, down to the structure. I feel like NYCSPITZ couldn't allow Universe to Out Pretentious him and really couldn't allow Universe to bum-rush him for the title like Dagel did. What I think NYCSPITZ did effectively this time around was repeating the Russian Name, a few times, because it grounded the story more-so. Universe introduces two characters, but he doesn't establish them like NYCSPITZ does earlier on: which helped create a clear distinction and won it for me, imo.

Overall

In all seriousness, this is a 500 line battle. The fact that you each inspired each other to go all out for the *championship belt* *cough*yeah*cough*right*
I just love how nobodies voting on this failure of epic proportions. Two texters jockeying for position, butting heads and going for the jugular like this, man, it is truly a sight to behold. My logic also is this, if the battle is close, the battle should to the champions favor. In this case, the belt is vacant, so we can just throw that logic out of the window. MVGT NYCSPITZ

[Dominate]

@Frank FYI
Uni’s verse was 2755 words, 14790 characters
NYC’s verse was 2407 words, 13372 characters


Okayyyyyy let’s do this.

Take on the topic: Uni was better here because Ron Goldman does kinda look like that. Otherwise it was pretty similar: both created a story where the character washing off blood made sense (or maybe it’s oil in NYC’s? Was the character part machine or just chemically/biologically enhanced?). The energy drink and cigarettes aspect was meh in both. You both mentioned it in order to mention it, it didn’t play a big role.

Story: I gotta give this to NYC simply because Uni’s characters and first part of the story already existed. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and the twist/alternate reality was good, but NYC just accomplished a more impressive feat in this category by having to create the characters and full story himself.

Mechanics: I found myself having to re-read some of Uni’s set up multis with emphasis different to how I’d initially read it in order to get it to work, with NYC I didn’t have to do that. NYC held some schemes for longer in places, but Uni had some more densely packed multis in places so that cancels out I think. Both flowed well for me, not much to really separate you here.

Quality of writing: This is where I’m most frustrated with the length of the pieces. Both had some really good lines and turns of phrase throughout that I’d like to quote, but I’ve already spent 2 hours in here, it’s 1am, and I just cannot reread these verses a third time. I’m tired. Generally speaking I think NYC was a little better here. Occupied his characters better. I am almost definitely biased coming from a battling background where wordplay is a huge focus, but I didn’t like a lot of the wordplays in Uni’s verse. Some were done well but others were kinda dad-jokey (“truncated like elephants” was the worst offender), and because it was written in first person it jolted me out of the mind of Ron Goldman who I don’t believe would talk/think that way, - certainly not in the midst of a life and death struggle, - and into the mind of Universe. I feel like a dick for focussing on the negative, there was a lot that was really WELL written and overall it was an impressive verse, but I think NYC’s was a little moreso for the above reasons.

V/ NYC

[Adverse]

Alright I finally did it, I sat down and read both of these verses. So first off fuck you both for not only writing 150+ bars, but also fuck you for writing great verses on both sides. In battles like these there are going to be the expected lines of filler/padding but I think you both only did so in very tiny amounts. I don’t really have a criteria like some of these guys when I judge a battle, I read and I tell you what I am a fan of/not a fan of and then tell you in my personal opinion who I think the winner is. So let’s dig in, don’t expect a Harvard graduate paper, but expect my feelings to be expressed very clearly.

Uni:
This seems to be your bread and butter, I was very happy to see you accept this battle, I know the line limit rules haven’t really benefited your writing style and you’ve sat out most of the season, but it’s good to see you hop into these special matches. For the most part I really liked your verse, I liked the way you humanized the relationship between Ron/Nicole because when you look at the case at face value it’s easy to shrug it off as an “affair” but the way you painted passion and almost romanticized these two as a couple was nice, I mean it made me feel good lol. Frank is wrong I think your opening bars are important, I think you paint a scene like little others do in the medium. You pay attention to small details, you lay out the environment in a way that your reader is right there living out the scene, whether it be the restaurant, outside the Browns’ residence etc. I was sort of spoiled on this verse being about Ron Goldman because when I had skimmed through before I read I saw the wiki link, so I can’t tell you if it was a good reveal or not. I think it could have waited longer to be revealed, but I also liked the way you pulled the rug out from underneath your reader and turned this into an alternate reality. You turned Ron Goldman into an Eddie Munson type character (stranger things anyone?) where he is sort of a hero, but can’t really go back to his life because he’ll be blamed for murders that weren’t exclusively his doing. I really liked the fight/murder scene it was really well played out, and yeah seeing (well reading) Ron Goldman getting back up was like watching an old wrestling match, was a dope turn of events. I think your last stanza and the end of the one before it, you stalled a little, I think we could have reached the conclusion a little faster that’s the only piece of the verse I felt was sort of padded. Also you suffered from a few maybe too on the nose puns that are part of the Universe experience. A line that really stood out to me was definitely

“ Standing up in the bathtub I arose all bloody and gross
Abundantly cloaked, even Mahatma Gandhi had a Ted Bundy in tow”

Overall a pretty good verse like I said I liked mostly everything until some of the ending segments, they felt dragged out and maybe even inconsequential? But maybe that’s just me

NYCSPITZ:
First of all, it was weird seeing you use Universe’s usual layout, I know he doesn’t own the patent on it or anything it was just different to see your verse structured in this manner. Felt like the way Joe Hill broke up “Horns” or something. Anyways that doesn’t take anything away or add anything to the verse just wanted to comment on this.

The feel of this was 1980s Sci-fi. I mean in the vein of something like Terminator/Robocop/Demolition Man so there was definitely a nostalgia factor (not for me because I wasn’t around until ‘95 lol) I liked the concept well enough, a tale as old as time, Russia wants to dominate the world (or solar system, sometimes the specs are different but the goal is the same) always some dictator type who is insane and builds a weapon he can’t control etc. despite some of the stereotypes here it was a well written piece. Anton put me in the mind of Ultron, even though he was more Cap America I guess. Anyways, I like how the plot sort of evolved into a creator vs creation battle, they played mental chess for awhile, but it was interesting to see them try and outwit each other, but in a way that didn’t feel super boring. And then in true super villain fashion when the battle goes down Sergachev pulls out the “fuck it, I’m just going to blow up the world if I can’t win” nothing says maniac like destroying the earth when you can’t win a fight. The biggest did appointment of this verse for me was that Sergachev built a prototype for a new super soldier and it’s just immediately destroyed by a giant blast lol I think I would have liked to see those two go at it, but that’s my only complaint story wise. Plus the ending was okay but sort of weird, not the true ending on Andromeda but the scene with Anton draining his victim’s blood into a tub and bathing in it. Like it made no sense to me why he would do that? I get it he’s “crazy” but it just felt like a weird way to make contact with the topic, like that was an afterthought to you. Anyways like I said those were my biggest complaints, I know you love when we complain about verses so there take that.

Overall this was a great battle and I think (as with most topical battles not involving Sinacog) it comes down to personal preferences. I think NYC told a little bit more vast of a story with a little bit of less lines. I hate voting against Uni because I know he pours his heart and soul into every verse but I just enjoyed Spitz narrative and verse more this week personally. You guys are two of the dopest writers on this site, don’t forget that.

V/NYC