Playoffs! Round 1: 8. Zen vs. 9. Witty \\ Zen wins via no-show

Certain · 03-16-2015, 02:34 AM

Round 1

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Check-ins are required by Wednesday, March 18, at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses are due Sunday, March 22, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Extensions of up to 24 hours are available upon request.

Votes are due Wednesday, March 25, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Each competitor must vote on three battles, with a penalty of one vote for every missed vote.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Topic

This Must Be the Place

Good luck, @Zen and @Witty.

Zen · 03-23-2015, 04:03 PM

“It’s funny,” she said with a grin. “How me and you used to be nothing but friends.”

“Yeah, weren’t we some stubborn little kids?” I said pulling up on the bridge to cross over it to get to Somerset Ridge.

She rolled down the window. Put her feet up in the wind. “Slow down. The turn’s around here.”

I hit the brakes and went down a gear. We took a quick left then peeled right past Brook Crest and the yield sign. We followed the trail to a field of pines and watched the sun set behind the hill to the side.

This must be the place. Yeah, it feels right. Not much has changed. It’s still fine. Those were the days. Such a simple life. Young and dangerous, but we'd still drive after a couple cases. Jesus Christ.

Those chill nights with us face to face, laying still. Sigh…nothing to say, but you were here. Mine. That’s something, ain’t it?

“Yeah, right.”

The bon fires were over there. Do you remember that? Floating through the air were the embers and ash, but nobody cared. Everybody was drinking. Going tic for tac just to wake up aching, but we still came back.

So many Decembers have passed, but none of them could ever live up to that.

Soulstice · 03-25-2015, 12:36 PM

Zen - Cool man. The crazy rhyme schemes that witty talked up in the discussion weren't entirely evident. Some parts were missing a syllable to make them crisply flow. I do like the paragraph structure though. The key to this piece was the simplicity. I can't see you summed emotion with provocative metaphor or emotional wording.. just two people going back to where it all started. That can be powerful enough to sit and admire in silence, just like your characters (almost silent). THe dialogue was natural but the flow was still good, but I hope you challenge yourself to increase the rhymes or weave some metaphor or something into the imagery (keep the dialogue natural though) as you proceed because Certain will be up to the task.

CopyPat · 03-27-2015, 12:38 AM

Damn. Zen this was unexpected from you(at least to me).

this was sick though.

you're growing!!!!!

i obv liked the way you slanted the fuck outta the rhymes, keeps it interesting. the verse was more emo than i've ever seen from you but i actually enjoyed it and you did a really good job with it. also you kept it interesting by keeping it nice and short.
interesting read, fella

03-16-2015, 02:34 AM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	Playoffs! Round 1: 8. Zen vs. 9. Witty \\ Zen wins via no-show Round 1 The Basics \| Read the full rules here. Check-ins are required by Wednesday, March 18, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Verses are due Sunday, March 22, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Extensions of up to 24 hours are available upon request. Votes are due Wednesday, March 25, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Each competitor must vote on three battles, with a penalty of one vote for every missed vote. Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent. Topic This Must Be the Place Good luck, @Zen and @Witty. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

03-23-2015, 04:03 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	“It’s funny,” she said with a grin. “How me and you used to be nothing but friends.” “Yeah, weren’t we some stubborn little kids?” I said pulling up on the bridge to cross over it to get to Somerset Ridge. She rolled down the window. Put her feet up in the wind. “Slow down. The turn’s around here.” I hit the brakes and went down a gear. We took a quick left then peeled right past Brook Crest and the yield sign. We followed the trail to a field of pines and watched the sun set behind the hill to the side. This must be the place. Yeah, it feels right. Not much has changed. It’s still fine. Those were the days. Such a simple life. Young and dangerous, but we'd still drive after a couple cases. Jesus Christ. Those chill nights with us face to face, laying still. Sigh…nothing to say, but you were here. Mine. That’s something, ain’t it? “Yeah, right.” The bon fires were over there. Do you remember that? Floating through the air were the embers and ash, but nobody cared. Everybody was drinking. Going tic for tac just to wake up aching, but we still came back. So many Decembers have passed, but none of them could ever live up to that. Last edited by Zen; 03-23-2015 at 04:06 PM.

03-27-2015, 12:38 AM	#4
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 707 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742221	Damn. Zen this was unexpected from you(at least to me). this was sick though. you're growing!!!!! i obv liked the way you slanted the fuck outta the rhymes, keeps it interesting. the verse was more emo than i've ever seen from you but i actually enjoyed it and you did a really good job with it. also you kept it interesting by keeping it nice and short. interesting read, fella __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.